How can I control my son's temper tantrums?

Question

My son is 3 and 1/2 years old and throws awful temper tantrums all day long. He screams at the top of his lungs with ear popping shreaks that actually led to us being asked to relocate from our apartment complex. I've discussed this with his pediatrician and have not found that to be a wealth of information. "That's normal for his age." I completely disagree! This is tearing my family apart, putting a major strain on my marriage, and has me completely emotionally and physically drained, not to mention depressed. I have tried time-out, ignoring him, screaming with him, begging him, and against my better judgement... a quick spank on the bottom (hurt his feelings and made him scream worse). This situation is out of control and his behavior is so agressive, he has been asked to leave 1 daycare and 2 Mommy's Day Out programs. Someone please help me!! All advice welcome (so long as it does not involve beating my child to a pulp, which I would never do).

Answer 1

Get some professional help would be your best option. Your child needs consistency and especially do not give into to the tantrums! That reinforces the behavior.

Answer 2

Being a momma is hard. I would spank him (not beat him of course) then put him in a time out. Tell him when he stops screaming & can act properly then he may get up. The most important thing is to be consistent. If you are not consistent then there is no use in trying anything at all. Nothing will work without consistency. Nothing. And don't beg your son, you are the parent not him. Children need structure. Let him know that you mean what you say when you say stop. Say it in a firm & solid voice & get down to his eye level. If you are consistent I know this will work but it will just take a little time. Stay in control of the situation, don't let him have control. It's too confusing for you both. I do wish you the very best of luck.

Answer 3

Think about this, if you can't control him when he's 3, how are you going to control him when he's 13? It's time for some tough love, and as I would never advise beating a child to a pulp, I would advise a good spanking. It's obvious that a quick spank isn't doing the job. So maybe several of them....not to abuse him, but to let him know he's not in control. If he screams, then do it again. If he throws himself down on the ground then do it again. You've got to show him who is the boss, because if you give in then he will be. You give him an inch, he'll take a mile. You have to have zero tolerance for this, or he'll only continue to get worse. I've seen this before with a friend of ours. The kid turned out so bad that she had to have him emancipated when he turned 12. He was horrible, and is in jail now. So think about it like this, if you can't control him now, and have him follow your rules, then you're not going to be able to control him later on in life, and don't expect him to follow the rules of society. So now you've got some choices to make....and think about all of this very thoroughly. Best of luck to you..........

Answer 4

I agree with some of what Norm said. You need to be consistent in your approach, which considering you've listed all these different things you've tried leads me to believe that you aren't trying them long enough.

The thing to remember is that there isn't a "quick" fix to anything involving raising children. Each child is different and as such will react differently to you and your approach, so it does take time.

What I would suggest is that you decide on how you're going to handle him before his next blowup. Whether its, time-outs, or spankings or whatever, make up your mind and then that is what you use.

Next, you let your son know that the next time he does that, he loses EVERY priviledge he has! That means toys, goodies, playing outside, and TV. Let him scream as long as he wants, but don't give in---that's what he wants and he knows you will do it.

That's the thing to remember, everytime he throws that fit, he does it because he knows it will get him what he wants. He knows you'll get mad, frustrated, or embarassed, and that you eventually do anything to shut him up.

The biggest thing to do is to remain calm at all times, be firm with what you expect from him, and then carry out the consequences that you tell him you are going to do. The moment you stop doing those three things, you've lost and he will get his way again.

Now, all of that being said, you might also want to check with an Autism specialist just as a precaution. Autism can kick in at a later date and some of his behaviors may be the result of that.

Good Luck!!

Answer 5

I know that you have to be consistent with him. If you say that you are going to correct him for something then you need to do it. don't let him get away with anything, it doesn't matter where you are or what time it is. If he is throwing a fit in the store then you need to follow through and do what ever think is a necessary correction for him. If he has a favorite toy, take it a way for a while.... or make a time out area... just remember every time you give into him or don't correct him immediately after he throws his tantrums it will take you back farther then when you started. You must be consistent with him. You got to show him that you aren't going to let him get away with it and that you are the boss not him.

Answer 6

I can understand the frustration you are. First of all, may i ask does your son know how to talk?? Cause personally, i don't start talking until 3 years old.

Now, standing from your son's point of view, there is a reason that he is throwing temper. Remember he is young, he doesn't know. I suggest you try to teach him to learn how to express himself better. Using temptation is a good method, but i have to warn you of overdoing it.

The next time if he throws temper again, try using his favourite food or what he likes to do the best, and tell him if he doesn't stop, he wouldn't get it, and then get him to express himself and reward him with maybe ice cream or a little play time.

Does he has any siblings? he might be seeking your attention as well. Try to observe what causes him to throws temper is the best cure i can advise you.

Answer 7

Did you consider dietary intervention. Some children with mild intolerances to foods like say milk lactose, dairy or wheat or so one might be a littl e fussy all the time. If you suspect that you can request you doctor for an allergy test or try weaning him fr om one food at a time and see if that makes a difference in his behaviour.
This is supposing that he lives in a stress free home, no sibling rivalry, eats and sleeps well and is developmentally fine.

Answer 8

Throw your own temper tantrum. Do exactly what he is doing so he can see what he looks like.

Perhaps he needs to see a counselor. Being asked to leave social groups, and he's only three?? Sounds like there's a bigger issue there.

Above all, he needs consistency. Establish a daily routine so he knows exactly what is going to happen next. Temper tantrums can be controlled with activity.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Put him in a seperate room, and don't acknowledge him at all until he stops the tantrum and is willing to talk in a calm tone. If he keeps coming out of the room, just pick him up and put him back.. It doesn't work right away..but eventually he will stop. This worked on my little sister. Time & patients. Good luck!

Answer 10

Watch Super nanny Monday nights on ABC. You need the help of this child care genius. Remain calm, be the adult and never surrender. You gave in once and now he knows that he CAN get his way by throwing tandtrum after tantrum.
Good luck!