Need some advice...?

Question

Hello out there,
I feel that i live on borrowed time. Every day that passes i know that it is so and that is should have been dead long ago. If it were not for the money and connections of the most unlikely person to help me, i would never have known my illness and as my doctors now tell me i would have been dead if i hadn't done anything back then. The person who helped me never asked for the money that literally saved me. She is very kind, but nevertheless i feel that i owe her. this is not my problem though. My problem is that everything deteriorates inside me. My thyroid cannot be handled any better that the doctors can manage, i have amenorhoea and the breast cancer that almost got me might just catch up with me.
Tell me, if nature did not see me fit enough, berhaps i should have died and not live on like this. Whats eating me is that if that person was not there that day then i would have died! I live just because of a coincidence and it feels like i have borrowed this time..

I have almost given up on God. I do not see myself as a perfect person, but why should i be like this while rapists and killers out there are perfectly healthy and happy....

Answer 1

It's too bad that you have all but given up on God, because it seems clear to me that God wants you to live, having had sent someone to save your life.

Chronic physical problems are hard--they are demoralizing and energy-sapping, and they seem unfair.

The thing is: Life is not a conparison, and God has a specific job for each of us to do if we agree to do it. So, while you are angry that some rapists and murderers enjoy full physical health, you are engaging in the futile enterprise of comparison. Of course it would make you angry, if there was some "merit system" where some of us deserved illness while others didn't. But there is no merit system of that nature. Some of it is just the luck of the draw. Our bodies are physical systems, and sometimes things go wrong due to any combination of factors. It is like saying because your computer is more important to you that it is no fair that your computer should be "punished" by breaking down while your toaster enjoys full and total "health." It's just the luck of the draw--systems break down for any of a great number of reasons.

You have no idea what God could be calling you to do now--but if you earnestly ask him by seeking his will, it may very well become apparent how God plans to use your physical problems as an asset, not a liability. A good friend of mine--a very good man--was at work one day when a forklift accidentally dropped a heavy load on him, which paralyzed him entirely. The doctors said that he would never walk again, if he lived. Today, he gets free medical treatment because the doctors think he is a total freak of nature. He walks. He can't feel his lower body, but he can move it, and he seems to walk as normally as anyone else.

So one thing he does with his time now is he goes and visits children who are paralyzed and brings them some hope--though he is careful not to give them false hope. But his message is that just because medicine says it's impossible--and medically it is still "proven" that it's impossible for him to walk--that doesn't mean that it is impossible.

My friend had a spiritual life before he was paralyzed, but it was nothing compared to what it is now. He came out of his "misfortune" fully committed to God. He could just as easily have turned away, "given up on God," but instead he plunged headlong into God's will for him, God's purposes for his life. His entire attitude and perspective is changed, and he is one of the most genuinely positive (not perky, but deeply positive) people I know. He helps people regularly. He could just as easily have sat in his house forever saying "Poor me," but since he relies on God's strength, he is out there every day he is able, enjoying the parts of life he is able to enjoy and offering his services to other people.

I suggest that you pray for God's guidance. Get out of your own head, your own misery, your own systems of comparison. God will grant you a new vision and a new life if you seek it.

This is not a vain hope. This is a guarantee.

P.S.--Killers and rapists are not happy. Some may have physical health, but they are certainly not happy. Happy people do not commit violence against others. Only people who are hurting hurt other people.

Answer 2

Life sucks sometimes but the challenges and struggles that we face make us who we are, good or bad. You have to determine if you like the person your struggles have made you and if you want to use the time coincidence gave you for some purpose, either to enjoy the time doing things you love or giving back to the person that helped you or society in general. For you to go through all that you have it is perfectly natural to question your beliefs, your life, who you are as a person because your struggles have changed you and changed your perception of life and the world. I just hope that you have a good support system of people around you to tell you how amazing you are and to let you know that your time is of value, whether you can see that or not.

Answer 3

GOD HAS NOT WILL NOT GIVE UP ON YOU,there is all ways a reason,maybe the reason you are alive is to help others in the same boat as you talk to people ,the person that saved you, is part of that plan

Answer 4

You sound like you are also suffering from depression. Tell your doctor this. Or maybe your suffering from side effects from some meds. Tell your doctor. Your still alive for a reason, it is not our place to question why. Use your time wisely