Ive just found out i have a half sister, i would like to find her but my family say its not wise to do so....?

Question

my dad had an affair when married to my mum in the mid 70's, i just found out his 'bit on the side' became pregnant and had a little girl, my half sister. i want to find her but my family said NOT to as it will cause to much heartache all round. how can they expect me to forget i have a sister some where out there, WHAT WOULD YOU DO?? ( Im 30 my half sister is now 28)

my parents are now divorced, and alot of secrets have come out from them, i know what town my half sister lives in and i know the name she was given by her mum.(fist & surname)

Answer 1

Honey, I think you alone, (privately) should set-up, a visisit, with your sybling. How exciting is this news?!! Congratulations, you have a sister!! we dont consider halves, in our family. We only refer them that way, for those people who dont think we look alike. Otherwise, all our lives we saw one another as just blood sisters, mom saw too that one!! However, make arrangements, without, your mom being hurt again... I would find out, from your father, her where abouts....And go from there!! My ex-husband, had a son, from his girlfriend before me. He gave him, his name, but all through our marriage, I told him to look him up, so I could meet him. He denied the child ever being his, I guess the woman rather "ran around with other gents' as well" so he never felt any obligation, to the boy. Whatsoever. However, just before our daughters, 11th birthday, the boy, (Jason), was looking for his other family, and contacted my ex-husbands father, Brittany (my daughter's grandpa) and he contacted us, and we made a reunion out of her birthday. A day she'll never forget!!!! He was quite a kind soul, just looking for other family members, since his mother had passed away. He was so sweet, he even called me "Mom" at one point, I told him, it was a compliment, but, to keep his mother alive in his heart, she's is real mom.. However, they are 9 years apart, but the two had quite fun, together!!! He still has not seen his father who denies him being his, however. Look, her up, even if its just by mail.. She's your sister... And she needs to know you care, enough, to get ahold of her... That would be so kind-spirited, of you.. I'm sure she will love the reunion. It didn't bother me at all, of course, I'm devorced from their father, but even if we were still together, I asked if he would allow him into our lives, and he didn't like to discuss it much.. They still contact one another from time to time, to this day... And with the two of you being only 2 years apart, you two might become quite close, syblings.. I just wouldn't discuss it with your mother, she might get to argueing, with your father about it , and it might open-up old hurts, for your mom. Just be careful, not to hurt anyone, in the process, but you should definately try to get ahold of her..For all you know, she may be filling like she wishes she were in your place, knowing & growing up with your father, and contacting her might make her feel, as tho, she's not excluded anymore. And may just help her to heal some old hurts in the process. Just pick-up the "Yellow pages" and look her up!!!

Answer 2

Give it some time to sink in. Really think about what the outcome would be for all involved if you decided to find her. Don't jump into anything. What if she's angry at your dad? What if she doesn't even know about your dad? What if she's happy just the way things are? How would this make your mom feel? After all this child was conceived out of an affair your dad had during their marriage. How will your dad feel? Does he want to accept her? How will this affect your parents marriage? The decision you make is going to affect alot more ppl than just you. So truly think about this from every aspect before you jump right in & start looking. I know this may not have been the answer you wanted but this is what I would do. I know it is a hard decision to make. I wish you the best of luck. God bless. : )

Answer 3

There isnt just you involved here.
You are going to rake up 30 years of betrayal and heartache for your mother and then there's your father,how is this girl going to react in knowing she is a product of an affair.
You may want to find your half sister but is it worth all the heartache it will cause?
Your mother has managed to get past this for the past 30 years so how is she going to react when she see's the daughter your dad fathered with another woman.
You need to take a step back and really think before going ahead with this.
You may cause a rift that may never be healed.
Think before you do anything.
christy

Answer 4

I would go find her. No contest. You don't have to meet her family, or she yours, unless everyone is up for it. You don't even have to tell anyone you're doing it either. But you are the next generation - you will need your siblings, especially after the previous generation has gone.

Go do it, and enjoy the pleasure of a whole new world of connections, family, support and possibilities opening up for you. Your families may get used to it, or they may not. Their problem.

Be prepared for major differences, of course. But be willing to negotiate around them. Also be aware that SISTER MIGHT NOT KNOW! It's a big deal to be the one to tell her - I'd say this is by far your biggest concern right now. Family nowhere near as important as this.

PS I agree with what Norm said - very good point.

Answer 5

I am almost 40 yrs old and was adopted at birth. I just recently found out I have a half sister myself. I would do anything to find her. Unfortunately, my adoption records are sealed and I can't get the info. My half sister is 38-39. I say go for it. You have nothing to lose by trying. Good Luck.

Answer 6

please do it. My mother had 4 girls and 1 boy, the boy was adopted by a woman who took him out of our lives. When I was a young adult my (half) brother came into our lives. I was thrilled to finally meet him, and a bond was made. Last month my (half) brother died, and the only thing I could think of is how glad I am that I knew him. I would never give up the love and friendship that he and I have had over the last few years.

He found happiness in his new family, he went from being an insecure only child to being in the middle of a huge family. Yes, we fought, yes we made fun of each other, but yes, he was my brother.

you will find that blood is blood, and nothing can cut your family ties. Even if you haven't met!

Answer 7

Does your father keep contact with his child?

It's a long time ago - if your parents are still together it seems they overcame his affair, if they're not together, who would it hurt by you wanting to find your half sister?

I would write to her mother if you can, rather than directly to your half-sister, as perhaps she does not know of your existence, but if her mother had an affair with your Dad, she will be aware of you, and a letter will not be so frightening.

Good luck.

Answer 8

I have a half brother somewhere in the world,he would be 53yrs now and until recently I was not able to trace him.I have now started the long process of trying to find him via an adoption agency,but I wish I had been able to do this years ago,he may even now be dead,so If you feel this is the right thing to do for yourself,then do it,don`t leave it till it is to late.The rest of your family may not like it,and you may find that she does not want contact,but like me ,you won`t be able to live with yourself if you don`t try.

Answer 9

FIND HER! tell your parents that even though your father did something long ago that he is not proud of is not your fault. However, his actions and the results have affected your life in ways that your father did not stop and take the time to think about. He was using the wrong brain to think.
Let them know you are not judging him for his actions of long ago, especially as you have no right to judge only your mother and the half-sister, but that you have a right to know her now.

The child (half-sister) certainly probably already knows what happened to her "father." Unfortunately, your parents guilt and shame are kicking into overdrive as your father CHOOSE to ignore his obligation to HIS other child. Your mother CHOOSE to deny the other child HER FATHER and BROTHER and both your parents decided to IGNORE THEIR FINANCIAL AND MORAL RESPONSIBILTY. Hmmmmm, and you wonder why they don't want you to contact your half-sister? I tell you why... cuz dear ol' pop is still financially obligated, should the "used and told to take the highway mistress," chose to file papers in court for back child support.

So, you should try to contact her as I know that children (even grown up ones) have a need to know their biological family. Also, if your parents state they do not want to know her fine and good. But don't deny you and your sister the RIGHTS they took away from you so long ago. Its time to take responsibility for the wrong they did and make it right.

Answer 10

It could cause many problems for your family.

Maybe if you promised not to get any of your own family involved and didn't disclose their whereaouts.

Your family do have a point, plus your dad may be in court having to pay 18yrs of the cost to bring your sister up.

There are agencies where you can talk this over , check your local council.

Answer 11

I would do it. Your half-sister may even be looking for you. It may cause some heart-ache, especially for your mother, but you are not doing this to cause trouble or anguish between the family. You have a right to know and even meet with your half-sister and your family has to repect that.