I have a step daughter, she is 27, she has a daughter who I look after 80% of the time. She has decided to marry someone who won't accept her daughter, only wants her for himself, and has been violent towards her and her daughter. We are totally against this.....I feel she should listen to her daughter who is saying "no, I don't want him to be my new daddy!" If she decides to go through this should I turn my back on them because she has chosen to be with him, or shall I leave my door open for them and pretend everything is alright.
2006-07-16 01:06:13 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Don't pretend all is alright. do the sit and talk with her, find out why she thinks it's okay to be treated this way, even seek counseling, make an appointment and Tell her the two of you are going shopping. Be there for her always and the child too. your not obligated, your just being there. NO woman deserves treatment like that for any reason.
2006-07-16 01:11:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Families are always complicated and some irresponsible action by someone, especially one that we care about makes it every more complex.
I am not sure how old your granddaughter is, but I am very happy to hear that she finds some stability through you. If your granddaughter isn't more than a few years old, or is still a teenager, then the way she interacts with her "dad" will have a huge impact in the way she treats all the men in her life, including the ones that will enter in the future.
I think you should find someone that your daughter listens to and ask them to talk to her. She is obviously not doing the right thing if,
1. He doesn't want the daughter. In that case, he is just going to abuse her
2. If he is violent now, it is only going to get worse.
Maybe your husband, her father would be the right person for this, as he can bring a man's perspective for her.
If there is one thing that you certainly can't do, it is to turn your face the other way. Families, don't leave you. And, if it does turn to become nasty, as all the predictions you mention are there, then you will be regretting it for long. And that's something you shouldnt carry on.
2006-07-16 08:16:31 · answer #2 · answered by Phaedrus 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Always keep your door open if you love them...if not for the step daughter, at least for the little girl...if he has been violent..especially to the little girl, she'll need someplace to go. You should not give up in trying to help separate them. If he was violent before he'll be violent again. Also, if he has no problems being violent to a little girl, he will definately be violent..very violent to a grown woman, that he perceives has made him angry. If you ever see any of the violence..call the police and it ends right there. I wish you all the good luck in the world hun, this is a VERY tough situation. I hope every thing works out well.
2006-07-16 08:23:21 · answer #3 · answered by flashpro 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel very bad for your grand daughter.The guy doesn't even want her in his life. How bad she must feel. If mom goes through with this I am afraid for the little girl. Whem I remarried I had eight of my eight at home. The first thing that I told my second husband was that he had to love my children as much as he loved me or it was not going to work. I have lived that for the last 6+ years and do not regret it. He is a great father to my children and loves me even more.
You have to try and talk to her for the SAFETY of your grand daughter. Where is your husband? What does he say about this mess. Does your daughter truly lover her own little girl?
What ever you do ,do not pretend everything is alright. Is there a way you can get a background check on this guy to find out if he is violent or a sex offender? Mom is not protecting her precious bundle, Grandma you have to. You could not live with yourself if she got molested or beaten badly. You have my prayers and so does your grand daughter. Please help her before it is too late. Tough job Grandma go to work. Love in the Lord.
2006-07-16 08:27:25 · answer #4 · answered by wolfy1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As you mentioned, you look after her daughter 80% of the time. Your stepdaughter is not ready to be a parent, she is being a big sister, being a parent is about being completely selfless when it comes to your children, but all she considers is herself and her desires, God gave her a brain to think she should use it and stop thinking with her ****, and make the right decision.
Do not turn your back on your grand daughter , because you love her and she will be punished for an immature mistake her mother made, but leave her mother to deal with the mess she would have created if she marries the guy.
In caribbean culture we say to guys like this, if you love the cow you got to accept the calf.
We must be very carefull how and what we expose our kids to being mistakes in thier childhood could turn them into demented adults.
2006-07-16 08:16:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first off, your stepdaughter is foolish for not listening to her daughter. Finding a suitable father figure for her should be her #1 priority, not her own wants and desires.
I wouldn't turn your back on them, because that little girl needs you and your support. You don't have to pretend everything is all right, but keep your door open for them. They're family, and hopefully your stepdaughter will wise up and realize she's not doing what's best for her daughter. when she realizes she made a mistake, she'll probably come to you for help.
2006-07-16 08:11:35 · answer #6 · answered by ahillman42000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is so sad to hear. Hope she comes to her
senses before she marries this guy.
You should leave your door open & let them know that
you care for them. They will need you & your support
when things get tough.
You might recommened for her to take a good look @
her life & picture what it will be like if she were to marry this guy. Let her know that she should have more confidence w/ in herself & that she can find someone
better .
Best of luck & hope everything works out well
2006-07-16 08:14:27 · answer #7 · answered by start 6-22-06 summer time Mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't pretend it's alright when it's not, but don't abandon your daughter and your grand daughter. If it 's the way you say soon at least one of them will knock on your door, asking for your help. And I also think there's nothing to forgive here. Your daughter has to forgive herself if this is mistake, your grand daughter have to forgive her mother for involving her in this, but for do you have to forgive?
2006-07-16 17:57:41 · answer #8 · answered by Sabina_Rois 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never turn your back on family. But you need to have a long talk with her. If he is violent to her and her daughter then maybe you should be the one to get law enforcement into the situlation. No body deserves to be mistreated especially a child.
2006-07-16 08:11:43 · answer #9 · answered by angie110784@verizon.net 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As I think you can not turn your back from your daughter and your grand daughter,if i am in your shoes,i will try my best to save my daughter and g,daughter from that sort of person,may be at this moment your daughter is in love so she don't wants to see dark side of her life with that person,latter when fever is over than she will release,so keep open your eyes and try your best to keep this man away from your daughter if you can,and save all liefs,including yours.
2006-07-16 08:20:47 · answer #10 · answered by lucky s 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋