My partner had a child 8 yrs ago with another partner who does not allow him access, it has hurt him alot. I have just found out i am pregnant and he cant accept this until he sees the 12 wk scan, i am currently 6wks, the problem is i feel isolated, and would like to share all the feelings i am having with him, including the scarey ones like what if something goes wrong. He finds it very hard talking about his feelings. I would like to know how i can include him and make him feel more secure so he can then support me. I have told him time and time again that i would not take his child away (this was before i became pregnant) I feel that if this was the way he behaved with his previous partner i can see where she was coming from, because you feel alone and go through this on your own you can cope on your own and don't need him, i don't know how to tell him this without him freaking out. Help i am so hormonal and confused i can't think straight can anyone out there give me some advice.
2006-07-16 00:41:40 · 20 answers · asked by cidersue2 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Y'see, this is why we have this little institution called 'marriage', which is supposed to be in place ahead of the pregnancy. He doesn't want to support you - he only cares about himself. He'll be moving on to another girl soon, and telling her all about how you stole his baby from him. Just start getting ready for life as a single mother. Be sure to do one thing right, though - get his name on the birth certificate and make sure you get court ordered child support.
2006-07-16 00:50:59 · answer #1 · answered by rumplesnitz 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it is a happy occasion, congradulations. If this is not, please seek out advice from someone you trust to make the write decision. There is no right time to have a child but, there is better time to be prepared for all that comes with a baby so please make the best choice. Your guy seems to have issues with somethings that go way beyond what he is telling you. If he is not the now emotionally and physically, there is a very good chance he may never be. did he ever tell you why she refuses to let him see his child? Remember, there are two sided to every story and it takes a very long time to get to know a person and even then you still don't. You can't reassure him on something, he should already know in the fact that you love him and you both will be there for him but right now he has to be there for you for this is not about him right now it's about you and if he can't get that, this is a sure sign that he may not be there in the way you want and you must decide if he isn't, do you or can you raise a child on your own. If you can, that is good. But, you cannot, then you may need to review your decisions.
Remember, choices we make cannot never be selfish, you have to do what it in your best interest and the babies and the mature thing is to make previsions just in case your guy decides to "bounce". If he does, the only thing you can get from him if possible is finanicail for the baby but, it will be your 18-20 year responsibilty. Good luck, the decision in the end is yours not his.
2006-07-16 00:55:07 · answer #2 · answered by lasman37 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is not a whole lot to do anymore. You should have (and maybe you did) think about this before things got to this point. He is the way he is, and nothing is likely to change that is short order. You however, need and deserve support. I remember my wife dealing with all the emotional upheaval during pregenancy, and even though I always considered myself to be very supportive, men simply do not understand women, let alone women dealing with all the hormonal changes you are dealing with.
Just know, that what you are feeling is normal, and try not to overreact, if you haven't already, the nesting instinct will take over soon, and you can focus on all that entails. Hopefully he will also start to be more open with you. You can talk to him about it, but be careful not to push him away, by dwelling on it to much.
Good luck, I am sure things will work out fine.
2006-07-16 00:50:46 · answer #3 · answered by tm_tech32 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you poor things, the pair of you are really struggling at the moment, and pulling yourselves apart instead you should be pulling together. try to call his bluff, by saying if he is really not happy about the pregnancy, or if he is so worried about you taking the baby away then you will either leave now, so he has no chance of even knowing the baby (what you have never had yo will never miss!) or that you will consider having a termination, because then he has a definate choice about what happens to the baby. i said this to my very supportive pre pregnancy husband who turned into a non speaking/non supportive husband when i fell pregnant. this certainly changed things, because he realised that i would either bring up baby with my two children from my previous marriage. and he would have no contact with any of the kids, or the termination would be on his call as he knew it was not what i wanted. and that it would kill me mentally. i also told him that if i went ahead with the termination, that he would be coming to the doctors with me and he would tell the doc why we were there, also to hospital as i was 14weeks pregnant by this time, and the baby would be quite formed, and i couldn't go through it by myself. this was not i don't think blackmail, just a 'look, this is what will happen if things don't change now' situation. thankfully he opened up and realised how selfish he had been and now our little girl is now 4, and he would do anything to impregnate me again. i really hope this bad situation works out for you, if you really can't talk to him, then either write down all the best replies you have got from this page, or SHOW him this page, and perhaps he will realise just how desperate you are feeling, lots of love and luck to you both, from tina
2006-07-17 00:24:18 · answer #4 · answered by tina t 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How did you become pregnant - was he aware that no contraception was being used? From what you have said, it appears that you have railroaded him, and that was a really horrible and selfish thing to do. You knew he was not happy about his other child, you know he doesnt like to talk about his real feelings - how could you be so up your own ars* to trick him into this? Most likely he will leave you, and unless you give him the child you will reneage on this current promise to never stop him seeing his child - you will.
I hate this manipulative crap with children - did you ever consider the child's feelings in all this shenanigans to keep your man? This baby will grow up and attend school without a dad, and may feel bereft. How can you justify this to your child? Fannybaws.
2006-07-22 21:08:31 · answer #5 · answered by Allasse 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suspect that your partner is terrified just like you. However, guys tend not to speak about their feelings and keep them all bottled up. If he will not talk to you just try to wait until he see the scan at 12 weeks and see if there is an improvement then. In the mean time if you are close to your mother or ahve a close friend you will find them a much better source of comfort.
2006-07-17 07:29:05 · answer #6 · answered by AD 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think after he sees the scan he will come to terms with the baby. like you said he is scared and needs time to adjust .tell him that you understand how he is feeling but that you are not his ex and need him there for you tell him how scared you are, what to say he won't walk away and leave you,tell he everything.men need time to think things trow they can not come back with an answer right away so after you have spoken to him leave him alone, this may take an hour or a few days. do not presser him ,in the mean time talk to some one you trust a Friend,family member about your pregnancy,they can only offer advice its up to you haw you use it. good look and I hope he comes round the 2 most important people now are you and the baby.
2006-07-16 00:55:42 · answer #7 · answered by lady_di_ar125 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the scan will make him feel better. Until them, try to find someone else to talk to - someone you know who's had a baby, your mom, a sister, a friend. There are probably lots of people who would like to be there for you. Let one of them be some help until he starts getting excited about the baby.
When your belly "pops" (3-4 months), the pregnancy will suddenly seem VERY real to him.
2006-07-16 02:51:06 · answer #8 · answered by kayleigh w 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think by the way you are speaking this child wasn't planned otherwise you partner would be feeling different, that's the trouble with mistakes,tell him how you feel and ask him if he wants the child ,otherwise it will be to late to do somthing about it, if you chose to go it alone then it will be up to you, but at least give him the chance, why would women want a child without the father being interested in the first place ,parenthood isn't easy it's better with two, yes somtimes we will have to do it alone but at least start off with the two of you,
2006-07-17 05:23:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's scared, he lost both his child & the woman he loved & it hurt him A LOT.
He now associates pregnancy with loss, deep down he is waiting for you to disappear & take the baby with you.
Once he realises you're not going to vanish with the baby & break his heart all over again he will be fine.
He's just trying to stop himself from getting hurt like he was before.
He needs to feel that you love him, couldn't live without him & that you will never change your mind, once he feels needed and secure and of course wanted it will be fine
2006-07-16 00:54:12 · answer #10 · answered by madamspud169 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋