can anyone give me some jokes that i can tell my kids they are 7 and 10
2006-07-15 23:26:09 · 13 answers · asked by paulette7618 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Teacher Question And Answer Jokes
TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!
TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong.
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are!
TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is...
TEACHER : No, Millie..... Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!!
TEACHER : Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.
2006-07-16 12:18:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 34⤊ 3⤋
A blonde walks into an electronics store and says, "I'd like to buy that
tv please." The salesperson replies, "I'm sorry. We don't sell to
blondes here."
The blonde goes home and dyes her hair brown, and a few days later
returns to the store, again asking to buy the tv. "I told you, we don't
sell to blondes, miss. Please go home!" the salesperson tells her.
The blonde goes home, shaves her head and puts on a baseball cap.
In a few days she asks once again to buy the tv. "We just don't sell to
blondes here! Please, give up! Go home!" the salesperson exclaims. "I
dyed my hair, you still knew I was blonde. I shaved my head and wore a
hat, you still knew I was blonde! How do you know?" she cries,
exasperated. The salesperson points to the item she wants. "Well, first
of all, that's a microwave..."
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a
State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to
himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on
his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in
the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.
The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't
understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the
problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know
that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other
drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed
limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit
proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains
to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit
embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out
her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this
car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a
single peep this whole time." the officer asks.
"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."
2006-07-15 23:34:41 · answer #2 · answered by ●•he•● 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you get an elephant in a refrigerator?
Answer: Open the door and stick him in.
How do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator?
Answer: Open the door, take out the elephant, and put in the giraffe.
The animals are all having a meeting. Which animal does not attend?
Answer: The giraffe.
You must cross a creek where alligators live, and have no boat, how do you do it?
Answer: Just swim, the alligators are at the meeting.
2006-07-15 23:42:04 · answer #3 · answered by Joga Bonito 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two guys in a jungle come around a corner and meet a lion head-on pawing the ground.
One guy ever so carefully reaches into his knapsack and slowly takes out a set of Nike running shoes, never once breaking eye contact with the lion.
The second guy hisses: "What are you doing, you can't outrun the lion" And the first guy says: "No, but all I have to do is outrun you!"
2006-07-16 02:42:25 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why can't a blonde dial Emergency Number?
She can find "9" but "11" on the dial pad!!
2006-07-15 23:33:52 · answer #5 · answered by HandsomeRockus 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why was Piglet looking down the toilet?
Coz he was looking for Pooh!
:)
2006-07-15 23:35:11 · answer #6 · answered by Purplgirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
where was Granma when the lights went out.
in the dark
2006-07-16 02:42:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
whats black white and red all over ??? a Penguin with a suntan
2006-07-16 00:51:54 · answer #8 · answered by alison t 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how come the blonde put sugar under her pillow?
to have sweet dreams
2006-07-15 23:30:29 · answer #9 · answered by danyella 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Knock knock!
Who's there,
Doctor,
Doctor Who,
That's right.
2006-07-16 00:36:01 · answer #10 · answered by manthintall1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋