funny jokes?

Question

do you have avy funny jokes for me?

Answer 1

New Rules In Hell


A man dies and goes to Hell, where he is greeted by the Devil.

The man looks around and sees no fire or people being tortured, nothing uncomfortable, and asks, "where is all the horrible things that Hell has to offer me? I might as well get started now".

The Devil says, " Things have changed down here".

He asks the man, "Do you like to drink alcohol?"

"Oh, Yes!" replied the man, with a big smile.

"Well you are in luck", Says the Devil, "because on Mondays there is drinking all day, anything that you want"

"Wow, that's sounds great", the man says.

"How about sex? Do you like sex?" the Devil asks.

The man replys, "Love sex, just never could get enough".

The Devil replys, "Well we will take care of that little problem, we have sex all day on Tuesday".

The smile continues to grow wider on the mans face.

He is then asked if he had any homosexual tendancies.

"Absolutely not!", he says emphatically, "I can't stand queers!"

The Devil smiles at him and says, "You are really going to hate Wednesdays then."

Answer 2

1. Why does a man have a clear conscience? Because it's never used.
2. Why are men so happy? Because ignorance is bliss.
3. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women? Because when it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
4. If a man and a woman fell off a 10-story building at the same time,who would reach the ground first? The woman, the man would get lost.
5. How are men like commercials? You can't believe a word either one of them says and they both last about 60 seconds.
6. How do men exercise at the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a woman in a bikini.
7. What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted.
8. What's the difference between government bonds and men? Bonds mature.
9. What did God say after creating man? I can do better.
10. What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? (A) No mind. (B) No business.
11. What do you call an intelligent man in America? A tourist.
12. If men got pregnant .... Psychiatric Services and serious pain killers would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.
13. Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics? He had it bronzed.
14. What is gross stupidity? 144 men in one room.
15. How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three. One to hold the pan and two others to show off and shake the stove.
16. How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable."
17. Only a man would buy a $500 car and put a $4000 stereo in it.
18. What does a man consider to be quality time with his wife? Pulling the sheets over her head and saying, "Great chili, Babe!"
19. A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children.
20. What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it.
21. Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
22. Why don't men have mid-life crises? They stay stuck in adolescence.
23. How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
24. How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus the clowns don't talk.
25. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
26. What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift? Exchange him.
27. Why do bachelors like smart women? Opposites attract.
28. Why are husbands like lawn mowers? They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.
29. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
30. What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women.
____________________________________________

"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."

"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."

"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."

"When there's a will, I want to be in it!"

"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"

"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"

"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!"

"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."

"Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!"

Answer 3

Joke

Answer 4

One Sunday morning, everyone in one bright, beautiful, tiny town
got up early and went to the local church. Before the services
started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking
about their lives, their families, etc. Suddenly, Satan appeared
at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running
for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort
to get away from evil incarnate. Soon everyone was evacuated from
the church, except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving...
seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy
was in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he
walked up to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man. Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried,
"Why aren't you afraid of me?" The man calmly replied, "Been married
to your sister for over 48 years."

Answer 5

Try my QA there are around 10 of open jokes.

Answer 6

Whats the height of Stupidity?

Answer 7

Hey, you want to hear a joke? The WNBA.

and

So, an Irish guy walks by a bar, and...HEY, it could happen!

Answer 8

yes, sure,
1.Are we going out for dinner tonight?
Now don't say yes!
2.Honey, what time are you coming back?
Just need to send her off!
3.Really missed you today. Just thought of telling you..
What's your name anyway!

Answer 9

Tricked Him
One day this girl, who is wearing a skirt, goes out to play with her friends.

She goes to the park and meets a boy. They talk about climbing trees.

The boy says to the girl: "Go on climb that tree."

The girls climbs up and the boy just stands there and looks up to the girls pants.

After a while the girl goes home and tells her mum about what happened.

Her mum says: "oh my stupid girl he just stood there and watched your pants."

The next day she went out again with her skirt on and met THAT boy again.

He told her to climb again and she did.

when she got home she tells her mum what happened again and her mum says: "My stupid girl he just stood there and watched your pants."

The girl replied and said: "No actually I tricked him, this time i did not wear any pants!"

Answer 10

Which do u think is faster hot or cold?



Of course hot because u can catch cold but u can not catch hot !!!!