I'm not suicidal, but my friend was a while back, and was planning on killing herself by sitting on some train tracks, and waiting for a train to come by and hit her. That's what this poem is about. It's unfinished, but I'd like feedback on what I've done so far.
You contradict yourself and are feeling perplexed
You stand on the train tracks and wonder what's next
You think of all the words that were left unsaid
While your whole life runs through your head
Then slowly, two Rivers form without a drop of rain
Two reminders of all the pain
With every tear another hope starts shattering
But it'll be over soon, the tracks are rattling
2006-07-15 19:13:49 · 6 answers · asked by Laura 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Quotations
a sad poem for a poignant subject, i would like to see it finished, and preferably with a happy ending.
nice words that convey the moment well done.
H
2006-07-15 19:18:30 · answer #1 · answered by H 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just asked this question... but at least you fixed the spelling error.
I like it, although I prefer to have both lines of verses have roughly the same syllables. But it's not that noticeable for the third verse, so I guess it's okay. Can't wait to see how it ends though.
2006-07-15 19:16:25 · answer #2 · answered by ymingy@sbcglobal.net 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know.
I hope you don't plan on presenting her with the poem? Would that be helpful?
Otherwise, I'm not a poet, but I think your friend should be in counseling, in fact, you should refer her.
2006-07-15 19:16:10 · answer #3 · answered by powhound 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very hit on the spot- hope your friend realize what a friend she/he has in you !
2006-07-15 20:18:46 · answer #4 · answered by destiny 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like we've done this already....deja vu.
2006-07-16 14:33:13 · answer #5 · answered by ••Mott•• 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds morbid
2006-07-15 19:19:43 · answer #6 · answered by dale 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋