Where do you draw the line at spying on your kids?

Question

Do you think that listening in on phone calls is too much? What about reading their journal?

Just so everyone knows, I'm not a parent. So please don't call me a horrible parent. Because that's impossible.

Answer 1

Depends on how old they are. Under 17 should be supervised. Listening to phone calls and reading journals isn't the right way to go about it. You need to sit down with them and have good talks about the do's and don't's. Know their friends.

Answer 2

Im not sure if my mother listened to my phone calls but I know she recorded or boyfriends on more then once or twice so I dont put it past her. She did read my diary and confronted me and not only that but punished me. I was 12 or 13 and she read that I had drank some alcohol and honestly at the time I was just trying it I didnt even like what I tried. Anyway I do think that listening to phone calls and reading there journal should be out of the question. My mom also read letters from my friends and did everything she could to spy on me. I feel that if she had of given me my privacy that I would have came to her more but she never gave me the oppurtinty. Also because she read my diary I stopped writing one and I then didnt have anyway to get my feelings out. If you are concered about what your child is doing then get involved in other ways not spying.

Answer 3

I think it would really depend on how much trouble you think they are in.... If you have good reason to suspect drug or alcohol use, illegal activity, sexual promiscuity at a young age... I think for their safety, listening to phone calls or reading a journal as a last result would not be uncalled for. However, if you just feel left out, or are curious, you should not do either of those things. It could totally ruin your relationship.
When I was very young, my mother read some of my mail & also my journal. It was years before I trusted her again.

Answer 4

listening on their phone calls is too much... definitly. is their a reason you shouldn't be trusting your kids? or are you bored or just looking for a thrill? i think you should only read their journal when you are suspicious of anything that they might be doing, but not all the time. then there will never be any trust. and if your child finds out, they will feel that they don't have any privacy and they will feel like they WOULD have a reason to be sneaky.

Answer 5

Hmmmm spying on them or caring about their well being.....hard choices huh??? I would say I would probably be totally tempted to read his journal! But no- phone calls- nope I wouldnt listen in on that. I also do not read his e mail. I will scan it to make sure I know who is mailing him- make sure they r kids! But I dont read them. I believe we spend 13 years teaching them right from wrong- so we need to show them some respect for their privacy UNTIL that trust is broken! If the trust has been broken and she has been in trouble in the past- Id read- and listen to everything!

Answer 6

To be honest i think that if there under 18 and are living under your roof then you have the right to know whats going on with them and what there doing. Because you can ask them all you want but that doesnt mean that there going to tell you the truth. Alot of the people that are answering saying that listening to there phone calls is invading there privacy are young most likely. But i think that once there 18 you should be able to ask them and they tell you whats up. And thats when you should stop spying.

Answer 7

The US government is heading in that direction anyways. It's better to get your kids used to it now so it won't be such a culture shock when they get older. :)

All seriousness aside, children will never learn the meaning of trust if you don't ever show trust in them. Don't be aloof about it either, tell them that you trust them to do the right things. You are then placing the responsibility on them to stay out of trouble. As long as they are not doing anything suspicious, you should provide them with a modicum of privacy; this includes not reading their journals. The worst possible scenerio is that your children lose their trust in you and stop confiding in you with their problems. Try to imagine this conversation, "Why should I tell my parents? They're just going to read it in my journal anyways." Next thing you know, they've stopped writing about it in their journal and now you have know way of finding out about any problems in their lives.

Also, bear in mind that we learn right from wrong by experiences only. You can expect children to mess up every now and then. As long as it isn't to serious, don't make a big deal out of nothing.

Answer 8

When a parent wants to understand her kids, she can simply talk with them, understand them through two-way communication. Trust what they want to tell you. If they don't want to talk, let them keep their silence as personal privacy, and ask no more.

If you want to read their journal, *ask* for permission. Otherwise, it will mean trespassing of privacy.

Listening in on phone calls is a big *No No*. If they find out, you'll lost their respect.

A good relationship thrives on mutual respect, understanding, trust and sharing.
Parenting is challenging nowadays. *Love* will find you an answer.

Answer 9

My mom read my journals, TAPED my phone calls (so she could listen at her convenience), looked through my artbooks, scrapbooks, read ALL my mail (both incoming and outgoing)...

I just tried to hide it more and more.

I wouldn't mess with my kid's stuff unless I had reason to believe they were doing something dangerous or "above the age". As in, having unprotected sex, doing recreational drugs, etc.

Even then, I would prefer to talk to them, and let them tell me what's going on in their lives.

And yes, tapping phone calls and reading journals is beyond the line, if your kids haven't done anything wrong.

Answer 10

Actually it is illegal to listen in on their phone calls, reading diaries and journals is out of the ?. Communication that is two way is the best way to go.