Today I talked to an old boyfriend that I was really in love with. When we were together we really enjoyed life. However, we did have our ups and downs and ended it as friends. We broke up just over a year ago and we still talk every now and then. Well today he called because he needed someone to talk to and let me know that he has met someone that he has fallen in love with and is actually thinking about marrying... We dated for a long time but never talked about marriage. Now he meets this girl and falls head over heels... I don't think he called me to rub it in my face but to try to understand why the love bug hit him so hard this time. It is scaring him a bit, actually a lot..... A part of me wants to cry and tell him I don't want to hear it - but another part of me is glad that we are good enough friends that he can talk to me about this.
I just don't know how I feel about this. Should I be supportive, or should I tell him it is too hard for me to hear about it?
2006-07-15 16:25:15 · 24 answers · asked by just me 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He may be wondering if you will tell him to not go thru it.
Be thankful you can still be "friends"....but it is very hard for boys to be friends with girls. Men have imaginations that are very hard to stop. This is a situation you need to be cautious.
Once the new "fiance" is created - it will not ease to still have a relationship with him. He will need to cut most ties with you and perhaps he wants you to know that it is not because he does not care. Some women are very jealous of the other woman.... and you are now this to her. One possibility is to say thanks and good bye to the old him. But since you broke up already - what is the value to you? You did not expect to marry him now...you may be over him by now. Why call you to say that you are "really really going to be broken up now....I will be engaged".
Men tend to also have ulterior motives.
Strangely, you may be closer to him as a friend than his new girlfriend. He may be also wondering if he is making a mistake and whether he should go back to you...Please make sure this is not the case. If it is, there are more problems within the situation. He is at the point of commitment... and he is in love with you? Not saying this is it, but to call you now puts you in a very awkward situatuion. Either he has no other friends to ask, or he really wants to tell you he is scared....and less scared with you.
Just say: "This is a conversation you need to have with your girlfriend/ fiance. I cannot solve this. Are you still in love with me? cause if you are not I am not going to waste more life time feeling sorry for breaking up with you. " If he says yes, he loves you. Then you need to decide whether you are still interested. If he says no, then you move on.
2006-07-15 16:48:35 · answer #1 · answered by Kerry Z 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If being supportive isn't your ultimate response then your not truly just a friend. My advice is to cut the cord. If it hurts too much to talk to this ex then you'll never fully move on if you keep hanging onto him. Let him go and do what he feels is right, and you'll find somebody who falls as head over heels with you. It's hard to let go of somebody, especially when you remember the good things. Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end.
2006-07-15 23:31:32 · answer #2 · answered by axnewspaperxtragedy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It reminds me a little bit of the movie 'My Best Friends Wedding'. You have history with this man and in some ways you never expect him to move on and find someone to marry.
Love is funny and I do believe that we can love many people in our life time and to many different levels. You need to try to be happy for him and support him in his decisions. There is a reason why he called you to talk about it. He values your opinion and that means something these days.
I'm guessing he won't continue to call. You need to decide if you are okay with all that is happening. If you can't be there for him then just simply bow out quietly and with grace.
Stay true to your self and know that in time you too will find someone you feel that way over.
2006-07-15 23:38:45 · answer #3 · answered by J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you two are friends than tell him that it is too difficult for you to hear this. There is nothing wrong with protecting your feelings and I dont believe that it will hurt his. You are not his mother and you are not a sounding board for his feelings. As selfish as this may seem you need to protect yourself. At one point in my life I would have just listened to what he had to say and pretend to be happy about it, then go home and cry about it. Now I am a much happier person who wont let people use and abuse my emotions and feelings. I am certain that he has more than one friend that would be more appropriate for him to speak to about this. I am so sorry that he has been so insensitive to your feelings, and believe this he knows what he is saying and he hasnt been respectful and supportive of you. good luck.
2006-07-15 23:32:57 · answer #4 · answered by donna 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is wonderful that you still care for your old boyfriend and in a way want the best for him, but lets face it...you're only human. No matter what our best intentions may be, there is always a little sliver of jealousy that eats away at us when we find an ex has moved on.
If you are still chatting from time to time, be civil and supportive but if it really is too hard for you to listen to, you may want to cut off the relationship. He has moved on, there is no doubt about that. Now it is time for you to do the same.
2006-07-15 23:31:33 · answer #5 · answered by Oraclekat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it hurts you too much to listen to him and if if interferes with your own quest for happiness then you need to move on and create more space between you and him. If you can tolerate being his friend but cry because of it then you need to know that for every tear you cry you will experience a love and joy of your own, in good time, I beleive. If your tears are because you want to be loved and are sad that it didn't work out with that guy but understand that it couldn't have, then be patient and your caring self giving nature will bring you your true meant to be partner. My opinion only. I think hope can be a great thing.
2006-07-15 23:50:10 · answer #6 · answered by brad 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should do whichever you feel is right for you. If it bothers you to think about it, tell him that you're happy for him and wish him well but would rather not hear too much right now because you may have some lingering feelings for him.
After all, if he does marry it's unlikely that you will resume or continue a friendship so you may as well let it burn itself out right now.
A few congratulatory words are all that is needed.
2006-07-15 23:35:30 · answer #7 · answered by purplewings123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is to hard for you to hear about then that's what you should tell him. Tell him that you are happy that he has met a great girl but it's really hard for you to talk about it with him. Tell him that you'd be glad to continue talking about other things but not this particular subject.
2006-07-15 23:31:20 · answer #8 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is why you should never remain friends with your ex's. Give him your support and fond wishes, and then let him go. He's about to embark on a new life, and you are probably holding him back a bit.
2006-07-15 23:38:22 · answer #9 · answered by Mr. O'Clock 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are still in love with him tell him before he marrys the other girl. sit him down and tell him no matter what his choice is you are / still fell in liove for him and that he will meat the girl of his dreams. If you don't have feelings for him then support him either way
2006-07-15 23:31:56 · answer #10 · answered by abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋