Any Favorite Woody Allen Quotes? Mine is......?

Question

....Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damned good."

Answer 1

What is the guy so upset about? You'd think nobody was ever compared to Mussolini before.

A strange man... defecated on my sister

I don't know from suicide, y'know. Where I grew up in Brooklyn we were too unhappy to commit suicide.

Last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.

I think I see a cab. If we run quickly we can kick the crutch from that old lady and get it.

And Nietzsche, with his theory of eternal recurrence. He said that the life we lived we're gonna live over again the exact same way for eternity. Great. That means I'll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.

I was gonna kill myself. The only thing that might-ve stopped me - MIGHT'VE - is that my parents would be devastated. I would have to shoot them also, first. And then I have an aunt and uncle - you know - it would've been a blood bath.

How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don't know how the can opener works!

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

Hugh Grant's reply to Tracey Ullman's question in "Small-Time Crooks." The question was, "Did you study art at school?" The answer was: "No, I didn't. I often think I should have. I studied literature. Then inevitably wound up as a stockbroker. Then I dropped out, went to Japan, became a Buddhist, blah, blah, blah."

Answer 4

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Answer 5

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Woody Allen
- More quotations on: [Trees]
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Woody Allen
- More quotations on: [Success]
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Woody Allen
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
Woody Allen
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Woody Allen
- More quotations on: [Atheism]
How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?
Woody Allen
I am at two with nature.
Woody Allen
I can't listen to that much Wagner. I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.
Woody Allen
- More quotations on: [Music]
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying.
Woody Allen
- More quotations on: [Death] [Immortality]
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
Woody Allen
- More quotations on: [Marriage]
I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
Woody Allen
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
Woody Allen
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
Woody Allen
If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
Woody Allen
- More quotations on: [Atheism]
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name in a Swiss bank.
Woody Allen
- More quotations on: [God]
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.
Woody Allen
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Woody Allen
- More quotations on: [Death]
It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.
Woody Allen
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Woody Allen
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
Woody Allen
- More quotations on: [Life]
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon.
Woody Allen
- More quotations on: [Life]
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Woody Allen
- More quotations on: [Money]
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all.
Woody Allen
My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.
Woody Allen
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Woody Allen
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
Woody Allen
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.
Woody Allen
- More quotations on: [Death]
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
Woody Allen
- More quotations on: [Crime]
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.
Woody Allen
The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get your congressman on the phone.
Woody Allen

Answer 6

"I don`t want to achieve immortality by something I`ve done ,I want to achieve it by not dying!"
"Sex between two people is a beautiful thing ,and if you get between the right two people ..."

Answer 7

I'm not scared of dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Answer 8

"I think people should mate for life, like pigeons or Catholics"