I've been separated from my childrens father for appox. 2 years. I have met a fantastic, terrific man, who I absolutely adore. My children have seen him online but don't know it's Mom's new man. How do I explain my new relationship to them and make them comfortable about it.
2006-07-15 15:25:58 · 11 answers · asked by Robyn K 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
tell them its okay for them to still love their father, even though things didn't work out between you. comfort them and show them love and help to integrate this new man into their everyday lives so they get more comfortable. at all costs, try not to make them feel abandoned my their biological father and now their mother.
2006-07-15 15:28:15 · answer #1 · answered by .:Blair:. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have two children, and also met my boyfriend online. I waited until I was sure I wanted to be in a relationship with him, then I had him meet me and my children (he brought his two) at the city zoo. That way my children wouldn't be overwhelmed with a new man invading their home. The zoo was a nice neutral place. After seeing him a few times away from home, I finally brought him home with me, which they adjusted to just fine, since he wasn't some strange man. We've been together a year now, are living together, and my kids are crazy about him.
Their father is planning marriage and expecting a child with his girlfriend, so I just do my best to help them understand it's ok to love all 4 of us. I let them call their dad anytime they ask and encourage them to tell me about their wekends with their dad and his girlfriend. I think as long as the children understand they are loved, they handle it well. Mommy and Daddy may not be together, but now they have two more people in their life to love them.
Now, mine are ages 3 and 4, so with older children it would be different. But basics would still apply I think. Just be straightforward, tell them this man is not trying to be their dad, and won't take his place. It's ok to like the new man and still love their father. Love is something you can never give too much of. And I'd think them meeting in a neutral place the first few times would still be a good idea. Someplace aimed at their age group so if they have trouble adjusting they can shift attention somewhere else, where at like a nice restaurant they'd have to just sit uncomfortably in their chairs. As long as your honest and are careful not to make them feel as if they have to choose between the two, you should be fine.
2006-07-15 22:54:52 · answer #2 · answered by immortal_angel_01 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Separated is STILL MARRIED, you are NOT divorced and should not be thinking of dating any new man until your marriage is over and you have spent at least 1 year figuring out who you are. I was in a "common-law" marriage (no legal certificate is what I mean) for 10 years. I didn't think of dating until a year ago. It took me a while to figure out again who I was. Now of course I don't have kids. And secondly you shouldn't introduce your kids too soon. They attach themselves emotionally very quickly. If you insist on dating, do not introduce them to this new man until you are certain it's going to go somewhere serious. Like at least 6 months into it. In the meanwhile focus on you and raising your kids. You don't always need a man in your life to feel complete. If you feel you do you had better work on you first. And you may not know this guy as well as you think. Give it time. And you do need healing from your marriage if it has failed whether you realize it now or not.
Online relationships are not solid, you need to spend time together. They are mainly fantasy, and don't presume he's all that dang fabulous until you spend some quality time with him. NO SEX !!!! until you know him. Words are words, and the rest will show itself in time. I too have done the online thing and believe me it wasn't all it was cracked up to be. I "dated" this guy for 1 year, saw him 2 times, the rest of the time it was instant messages and that was not enough to hold me over or make me feel connected to him to feel committed to him and I didn't date anyone else in the meanwhile and wished I did. I ended it when I realized what a fantasy I was in. I needed to date a man closer to me haven't found him yet but he's out there.
2006-07-15 22:31:54 · answer #3 · answered by rhiannoncallisto 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how long have you known your fantastic terrific man?
Does he know about your children?
Are you two serious?
It's best to wait at least six to eight months into the relationship... some people I know don't introduce their new relationship to the kids at all unless they're serious
Do your kids have a good relationship with their dad?
and how old are they?
the kids need to know that their relationship with dad is secure and that your new beau is NOT a replacement for dad. He (new beau has to give the kids respect and not be too pushy until everyone's role is clear...as in are you two serious or is he just "a friend with benefits")
2006-07-15 22:32:59 · answer #4 · answered by blkrose65 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the age of the children!!!
when i met my husband my daughter was 10 years old so she understood what a "boyfriend" was..
the younger a child is the easier it may be because then they will not resent the new boyfriend as much as an older child normally does... How do they know him online as?
Is he "Mom's friend" if so then just let him continue to be a friend and ease the kids into it....
Example: you and the kids meet him at a fun place.... introduce him as your online friend and keep it friendly at that meeting(maybe hug hello and good-bye) let the kids get to know him then sit them down and tell them. Good Luck!! I know how difficult and scary it is but if it is meant to be everything will be just fine!!!
2006-07-15 22:35:42 · answer #5 · answered by DeeDee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should be devoting your time to your children. they have a destroyed family and they don't need you dividing your loyalties, being sexual in front of them, and putting others before them.
they don't need to meet him. that lady with a 3 and 4 year old who is already dating, good lord, don't you people have any concern for these children? why are you making babies, divorcing, hooking up and making more babies? this is utterly cruel and destructive.
if you have a three and four year old, your whole world should be about them if you have given them a broken family. doesn't anyone care about the kids' needs anymore?
2006-07-16 00:29:16 · answer #6 · answered by t jefferson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been dating the guy and how old are your kids? Unless it's over a year, and you actually know him, i don't think your kids need to know about him. If your kids are young, they really don't need to know he's your "new man". Just tell them he's a friend.
Just make sure you remember that your number 1 priority is to protect your kids. There are lots of men praying on women with kids purposely to get access to kids.
Good luck!
2006-07-15 22:33:23 · answer #7 · answered by Quoi? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's just an online relationship then I wouldn't. When you two are having a real life relationship and are committed to each other I would introduce them by going out to dinner.
2006-07-15 22:30:13 · answer #8 · answered by Justsyd 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just sit down with thm in say you no i have not been happy with your daddy this 2 years of my life in i really love yall that why i have to tell you that i am seeing some else man but of you are unhappy about that then i will levea him for you
2006-07-15 22:32:03 · answer #9 · answered by tiffeany 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow what an example...bringing home a new daddy mommy has met online.
2006-07-15 22:28:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋