Is god trying to punish victims of sexual abuse?

Question

When I was 7 years old I was sexually abused and to this day I've never told anyone in my family. Since the age of 7 I've had this question bottled up inside of me: Why does God let bad things happen to good people? I gave up on God after the abuse happened b/c I felt God, if he exists, wouldn't have let it happen.
I'm 24 and have just begun to deal with the effects of the abuse and am dealing with post traumatic stress disorder. A few of my friends say that "everything happens for a reason." But I'm left to wonder why was I subjected to abuse while others weren't. Is it because I deserved it? My abuser, a family member, has a normal happy life, but I'm the one who's alone, depressed, crying, and suicidal. I suffer, while nothing changes for him. I lose, while he wins. Does that mean I deserved what happened? I'm not looking for pity. I just need answers. It's just that my mind won't stop thinking about it and the only sensible answer seems to be that I am being punished somehow.

The problem with telling is that I lose everyone in my life. So far even my brother who says he's on my side seems to take the abuser's. My brother still sees him, hangs out with, is cordial to him, but then he tells me that he's on my side. I'm so confused. I've already had 2 friends (who told me they would help me get through it) leave me b/c my crying and panic attacks were too much for them to handle. The more people I've told in the last 8 months, the more people who leave me. Abuse is the most painful thing to have to experience, and on top of that people leave me b/c I'm too much for them to handle. I'm in therapy but sometimes it gets hard b/c I have no support. I feel as if my biggest fear is starting to come true: everyone leaves me after they find out I was abused. If I tell my family, I'm afraid they'll reject me too. Everyone tells me to report it but is it wrong for me to keep quiet for fear of losing everyone in my life? My brother's reaction has devastated me.

Answer 1

The sin punishes the sinner. . .never G-d.

At 7 you were at the mercy of the adults, whom G-d had given to be loving, wise, and protecting stewarts for your happiness and growth. They failed you. . .or at least one of them.

Now you are an adult and responsible for yourself. . .but you are not alone. . .and it is NEVER too late to have a happy childhood! And, in time, you may have the privilege and joy of bringing children into this world. . .and the ability to show how this job of parenting should work!

There are three wonderful gifts all of us receive in this world. . .judgment, mercy, love. You may want to study each word (using a dictionary) carefully. . .your experience(s) and responses to date have helped you activate and cultivate a keen sense of judgment. . .as a strength for you. . .masquerading as your tormentor right now!

But what is missing, by way of imbalance, is mercy and love. . .no, this doesn't mean forgive the offender and look the other way. . .instead, it means in your action and reaction with others (and yourself) in the life that you have chosen to live now that you are an adult on your own. ("Blessed" or "Happy" are those who are merciful for they shall obtain mercy)

Also. . .study thoroughly the word, "Shalom" and what it means. . .for it will help you get centered and settled now. . .back on track in your life. . .at least the portion of your life that you feel is not working well at present.

Finally, if you have not sought professional counseling. . .especially from a priest, minister, or rabbi (as the emotions are directed against G-d). . .you may find this a helpful course of action. . .and do not feel obligated to choose the denomination of your upbringing or where you may be attending (or visiting) right now. And. . .if you are a Bible reader. . .turn to Peterson's "The Message". . .it's in contemporary English and quite good and appropriate for any reader (and no hidden denominational or doctrinal biases).

You are not alone (I was also abused in my youth). . .never give up. . .do not despair. . .Shalom to you!

Answer 2

You didn't deserve what happened, and I am so sorry you were abused. Don't feel bad about questioning God. The question you have asked is very common. You aren't the only one who has ever been molested, so don't feel alone. There are plenty of people who have, more than we realize.

God does exist, but you can ask the question that if He does, why does he let any bad thing happen? Not just to you, but anyone? You were the victim of man's free will. The person who molested you exercised their free will to do what they did. Is that an excuse? No.

Are you being punished? Not at all. Though I can't blame you for feeling the way you do. You have taken the first step, whether you realize it or not. If you turn you feelings over to God, completely, he will have a plan for you. I promise. He knows you are angry, hurt, depressed and looking for answers. Talk to him again. Tell him how you feel. There may be some tears, and in your mind, you may want to scream at him - go ahead. Just tell him how you feel - he will listen. Ask him to give you the strength to grow from this. Give your life to him. Will you forget what happened to you? No. But he will give you strength from it, because there is someone out there going through what you are going through, I promise. You may one day be talking to someone who has gone through what you have gone through and they will want to draw on your strength.

As far as the person who did this? Pray for them. If they aren't sorry for what they did, or will not admit it, or confess what they did before God, then they will go to the lake of fire, while you will go to heaven. If you want to talk about this more, you can find me. I will pray for you. Take care.

Answer 3

H*** NO, you are not being punished for anything. And it’s time for you to quit punishing yourself. God doesn’t let bad things happen. He gave man freedom of choice and because of this there are times that many other people have to suffer for that. I wouldn’t be all so sure that this person is living such a great life. He may not be sleeping very well at night and I wouldn’t doubt that he’s always afraid that you will tell. I can’t advise you on that but I would tell everyone involved with the family. I don’t know if the law can still do anything about it but you can still punish this man by telling what happened. He needs the punishment and you need the freedom from holding it in.

Answer 4

No, Sweetheart, you are not being punished somehow. What happened to you is horrible. Above all else, you must come to realize, it was NOT your fault. How could a seven year old child be at fault? No, the blame lies solely with the man who abused you. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG! God is not punishing you.
As hard as it is to understand, these things happen because of sin. What makes sin so sinful is the harm that it causes...especially when a young child is the target of sin. This is why God hates sin. This is why God punishes SINNERS...God never punishes victims of sin.
The best thing you could do would be to come forward and accuse this man of what he did to you. I know it will be very difficult for you, but, not only will you be helping yourself, but you may very well be keeping some other child from suffering at his hands. I also would hope that you can find a good therapist who can help you work through your hurt, your anger, and your rage.
Try this website:
www.havoca.org

Answer 5

Dear friend, You are looking at this upside down.

I assure you that you are not being punished for anything, I too was abused by someone close to me. For years I felt just as you are describing your feelings about this. I felt like a victim, I acted like a victim. It seemed as though my childhood was the worst that anyone had ever had. I tried counseling numerous times. Self-help groups were not much help either. I must have read every self-help book ever printed. I to was diagnosed as post traumatic.

Then one shrink that I was seeing suggested that I read a book called the course in miracles. This sounded way too much like religion for me. I had been raised catholic, and I wanted no part of anything that even sounded religious. This idea turned me off so much that I stopped seeing her. About a year later I was so miserable that I went back to see her again. After a couple of visits she said I don’t want to scare you off again but I really think you should read the course in miracles. This made me a bit angry but I agreed, to get her off the subject. To make a long story short she was right. This book was as different from the rest as night and day.

It completely turned my thoughts about the abuse and nearly everything else completely around. I honestly feel like I owe my life to this book and the thoughtful caring person that brought it into my life. Rather than turn this answer into an epic, let me close by saying that you may contact me any time and I would correspond with you privately about this. I know exactly what you are going through and I would like to assist in any way that I can. You can not only overcome this you can turn it into something positive in your life. I know this sounds impossible. If you had said this to me 10 years ago I would have called you a fool.
It happened for me.

Love and blessing
don

Answer 6

I do not think you were punished by God for anything. We can sit here and think all day why God would let something happen to someone like you, and I am sure you have sat alone many nights asking that question.

My answer would be that God is testing you, testing your faith, your strength. If you sit here and think, "poor me, poor me" all day, you have only let the other side win (the other side being the evil side, the bad side). You need to get up, and fight back. Come to terms with what happened, forgive the person who did this to you. Repent of your own sins, repent for turning your back on God for all these years (if that is what you have done).

You can come ahead, but remember that nobody truly "deserves" anything in this world. We dont deserve to make money, be happy, etc, etc.

This is coming from someone that was sexually abused around the age of 14/15. I used to deal with that in the wrong ways, resorted to drug abuse and a few other bad habits and things. When I came to terms with what happened, and let out the anger, forgave the person that did this to me, and moved on with my life things got better.

Hope this has helped.

You may need to seek psychological help from a counselor, psychiatrist, therapist, or group. You need to get this taken care of immediately, if you dont your entire life will center around it and you will not find true happiness and inner peace. The sooner you set up you first appointment with one of these people, the better it will be for you.

Answer 7

First, you have to stop blaming yourself for something you could not control. You did nothing wrong! second, you have to stop blaming God . He gave the man who molested you free will, and unfortunately, that man chose to use it to hurt you, and probably a lot of other children as well. Tell your best friend what happened. It will make you feel so much better if someone else knows, and then tell others. The more you talk about it, the more you will be able to let go. Then go tell the person who abused you, exactly what he did, and how it has affected you, and do it in front of others, so they can see him for what he is, and protect other children. And tell those friends that told you everything happens for a reason, that they should be ashamed of themselves for being so mean to you.

Answer 8

First I want to assure you that you did nothing wrong and god is not punishing you.

God did not make it happen. God didn't not allow it to happen. The person who did that to you worked outside of god's plan for both of you and made things horrible.

It may seem like things are ok for the abuser. It may seem like his life is good. You do not know the torment he lives with... the torment that will eventually lead to his incarceration.

It is time for you to move beyond that horrible period of your life. You have a life to live and things to do. If you dwell on that terrible place in your life.. for the rest of your life, you will miss out on all the joy you do deserve.

I suggest telling somebody. Tell your family members. Tell his family members. I promise you that you aren't his only victim. I promise you there are victims to this day. It will make you feel so much better to make sure he stops this abuse of children. You didn't deserve it and nobody else does.

There is no way to explain why these things do happen. You couldn't do anything THEN to make it stop, but you can now. I believe in you. You can do it.

blessings to you.

Answer 9

I'm 29 and I have been sexually abused/molested twice by two different people starting at the age of 5. These people we're friends of my family.

We are in the same boat. It took a long time for me to tell my parent but I did. I told counselors and doctors first then I began to tell my friends. I cried a lot and was very suicidal in my teens and 20's.

What the enemy means to take away from you--your dignity, joy, self-esteem, peace of mind--God restores. God is healing me and I believe if you'll turn to Him He will heal you too.

We don't have to allow the terrible things that happened to us in our childhoods defeat us and destory us. If we give up on ourselves then the enemy wins. But that's why we have God, he wants to take care of you if you let him. With God you can be the victor and not the victim.

If you haven't given your life to God I would seriously consider it because once you accept him and allow him to take control over your life and when you're baptised you become a new creature in Christ and old things will pass away.

Be well and I hope you decide to turn to the holy spirit and allow him to begin the healing process in your life.

Answer 10

I grew up in a neighborhood where sexual abuse, drugs, violence, etc. was common, and although I was never a victim, many of my friends were. I gave up on God a long time ago because he never gave any of us hope. I can tell you from experience, your capacity to feel joy and do good is limited only by the pain you have felt. Break that statement down and find out what it means to you, I don't know if that helps. Most importantly, remember that you don't need God to have hope and you are never alone.