How to stop a 3 year old from hitting, talking back?

Question

she has seen us fight in the past and unfortunately she has caught on and believes this is okay if mom and dad are doing it.
I dont need advice on my relationship, I know it's not healthy and I'm finding a way out, till then, how do I help correct my child from thinking this is okay besides not letting it happen in front of her again?

Answer 1

All the people here saying do not hit the child and instead speak to the kid in a calm voice expressing how their behavior affects your emotions are right. I have to agree with that. A calm voice and getting down to their eye level ready to block any sudden blows is how I've dealt with that situation. It actually gets through to that child and over time they behave better when they evolve to understand that because you treat them with dignity, they realize what constitutes dignity and usually grow up being a nicer adult. It would be nice if there were more nice adults out there instead of meeting grown adults who throw tantrums and hit people like it's no big deal. Someone did not raise those people right and you have this chance to make this kid into an happy, well-adjusted adult people enjoy knowing. It's good that you're trying to break the cycle of detrimentally relating to others in an immediate family. Almost everyone I know has that situation of how to relate to your partner in front of kids without having to worry how you're emotionally scarring the kid. I don't know what your family is like but we all can guess that being a parent is hard work. Good luck because the effects of getting through to your kid is not obvious overnight.

Answer 2

YOUR THE BOSS.

And its called Behavior Modification. You simply change the behaviors you don't like. If she hits you, you give her a "punishment" and explain why (never punish without a reason, ever) even if you have to wait to calm down to do it. Then wait.

Give her a "time out" in the corner; or no tv, or something she will find uncomfortable, but won't be physically harmful to her. You know how kids are, what would frustrate her we could breeze through. She may HATE missing Barney, but it truly would mean nothing in the real world, so that would make your point. Whatever it takes to change her behavior. Also, there is no reason not to spank if you don't go overboard. Do it with the intent to teach and love, and not to hurt, and never do it in anger.

Also, start doing things together, such as reading stories to her and explain why you and daddy fight, but that you still love each other. As long as she knows love is involved it may lessen her confusion.

Answer 3

I work in the child care industry and had a problem with a child that was a hitter and one thing that really helped was when the child began to hit, I helped her to clasp her own hands together and said "hands to yourself." After doing that several times, it got to where all I had to say was "hands to yourself" and she would clasp her own hands automatically. It's a good way to teach the child self-monitoring as well because they begin to learn that it's not OK to act like that. If the child is really belligerent and talking back, it's worked in the past for me to say, "It makes me very sad when you do that." You could substitute that with, " (Child's name), it makes Mommy sad when you say mean things." At 3, children are beginning to understand emotion a lot more and can certainly pick up on if your emotions change, especially if it is caused by them.

Answer 4

hi
i know how you feel i have a 3 year old who likes to hit her older sister.
my little girl really benefits from sitting her down and talking with her calmly. i believe in treating her with respect, like i expect from her.
it seems to help when i explain that it hurts people when she hits them, and ask her do you like it when someone hits you?
i also remind her to be a good friend, and tell her that friends don't hit.
i know that probably seems silly, but spanking or yelling is not going to work.
3 year olds are more intelligent than most people give them credit for.
i read a really good book
its the secrets of the baby whisperer, there are 2 editions one is for babys and the other is for toddlers
you should read them, she is a great auther, and it will give you a new perspective on your little one(s)
hope this helps!

Answer 5

Try the website for Nanny911. Go to fox.com,then click shows.
You know you have to get out fast,not lecturing you. If someone close finds out,they can and will,and should take your child/children away. Don't think because the child is only 3,they don't know what's going on. These are the formative years

Answer 6

What gets me is all the supposed intelligent people saying hit your child.Are you all that NUMB,that you don't see its abuse,any form of hitting and screaming.
Let me Enlighten you Numb Nuts,98% of all prison inmates where abused.That's Murders,Rapists,Predators.By you hitting perpetuates the abuse.
You give the kid time out from the family unit.Tell them why,put them in their room.No Playing with toys,TV,Music Nothing but sit in bed and think about what you did and know its wrong.When you can act right and say your sorry.You then can be part of the family again.You don't feel like crap hitting them.They won't grow up hating you and perpetuating abuse on others.Just be the adult and break the cycle if you where abused.
Besides,if you truly love your child,How could you strike your child?

Answer 7

to the guy who said beat your kid with a stick! how stupid, ya lets punish a child whos hitting by hitting her that'll get her to stop. NOT! Redirect her. Give her things to do she needs you and she is probably just lashing out for some attention so go love that baby and show her she doesnt have to hit to get her way.

Answer 8

First of all, kudos to you for getting out of the situation, not only for yourself but for your child also. You've tackled the biggest hurdle by doing that and knowing that you have to keep her from seeing it. Even though she's 3, I'd try to have a talk with her to try to explain that even though she's seen it happen, it's NOT ok and mommy doesn't like it. Keep it simple. She might absorb some of it, ya never know.

Oh yeah, and can I say "Here's your sign" to the people saying to HIT your child to punish her for HITTING? Duh!!!

Answer 9

When my two year old acts up, I take away privileges or toys. Wow this works well. Just threatening to not let him watch a movie stops pretty much any behavior.

Answer 10

Be consistent. Model good behaviour for her by not letting her see you fighting, etc.

Let her know that it's not acceptable to hurt other people. Let her know that words can hurt feelings. Find other ways to phrase what she is feeling or trying to say. Help her learn to use words like "I'm angry" or "I'm frustrated" to express herself instead of taking it out on others.