My partner, of seven years, has an 8year old daughter. The problem is, when we started seeing each other, his ex made it difficult for him to see his child- which made him very sad. two years ago, i developed a friendship with his ex on false pretenses. I told her that i had separated with my partner just so that i could understand her, and her motives for not liking me. she found out htat i was lying about being single and has now made it more difficult for my partner, saying that i cant be trusted. what should i do?, i was curious to find out if she still wanted a relationship with him. now i have given her an excuse to cause a problem. what should i do from here?
2006-07-15 08:48:31 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your intentions may have been pure, but I'm sure she's right at this point even if she is a b***h. If that happened to me I would never let my kid get close to someone who lied and manipulated me for fear of what she might try w/my child. The only thing I could possible see at this point is for you to fix the problem you've caused. Apologize over & over again, and try to explain to her that you just wanted to understand, and did not realize how many boundaries you crossed when you were crossing them.
Good Luck!
2006-07-15 08:54:59 · answer #1 · answered by North of Heaven 3 · 14⤊ 1⤋
She should never make it difficult for your partner to see his child, that is damaging to the child and quite frankly, is illegal. He should pursue legal action to cement his rights as a father. You should not have gotten involved, because it technically was none of your business, but since you did, time to come clean to all parties and apologize. Be the bigger man, and make your amends. It stinks to admit when you are wrong, but if you don't make amends, it could hurt your relationship with your partner in the long run if his ex has a problem with you being around his child. Bend over backwards to her and make amends, even if she doesn't forgive you right away. Time heals all wounds, and she will soften eventually if you come clean and always be truthful with her from now on. Just do the right thing and always, always be honest! Lies hurt twice as bad when they come out, but the truth only hurts once.
2006-07-15 08:57:28 · answer #2 · answered by ynot4966 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really hate it when people use chidlren as weapons.
Really your relationship with the mother of the child shoul dhave no seriuos effect on her daughter. Unless your violent etc..
Why dont your bf take her to court and sort of regular visiting rights. This would make life easier for your bfs daughter. Which should be main prioity.
Not sure why u made friends with the woman and pretended to be sometihng u wasnt. I would j0sut come clean about it all and explain. She can ethier except it and move on or continue being a ***** lol. Curiosity always kills the cat ;l)
Atleast u can learn from this mistake and dont go down same route again. honesty is always best
2006-07-15 08:55:12 · answer #3 · answered by Carl eo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all have you explained this all to your partner? If not please be honest with him, if he can see or understand what you were trying to do he should forgive you.
If she has a problem with you then suggest to your partner that when he see's his child your not around that way the ex shouldn't have any excuses as not to let the child go with her father and if she still plays up then I suggest mediation first and if that doesn't work legal action.
2006-07-15 12:22:51 · answer #4 · answered by Sweetcakes 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it was a mistake to lie about being single, because as you said she will use it against you. Now I would suggest no more lies, and going through counsiling with your partner, and his ex. If she still refuses to make it easier for your partner to see his daughter than I would probably go legal, so that custody rights are accomplished.
2006-07-15 08:56:11 · answer #5 · answered by dollerstorelover 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off you have to realize that you need to stay out f any dealings he has with his ex. They will have contact for along time because of the child and just treat the girl good when you're around her. Then he need to contact the courts and get his visitation set, down to what holidays he gets her. Then if she tries to play games he just goes back to court and gets her for contempt.In the U.S. if that's where you are you can go to your county courthouse and fill out pro se papers on your own, they come with instuctions and file them yourself with out a lawyer. Good Luck.
P.S. Never ever put anything in writing to her about lying or getting involved, just let them 2 work it out. If you apologize do it verbally.
2006-07-15 08:59:43 · answer #6 · answered by jussmessin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say that you need to stay out of it, and let the other two work things out. You might have made the whole situation worse by lying to the ex. If your partner is legally entitled to see his child and isn't allowed to, he needs to contact his attorney to get that remedied.
2006-07-15 08:54:27 · answer #7 · answered by poppet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With that done, what more can you lose with an apology?
Write her a letter. Explain your motive for lying, all the sordid details, testing love, the child, how much he hurt, etc. etc.
As for trust? Damaged! Only time repairs that.
It may be that she will not open it. On the flap, write My apology, Please read.
I do not impose any religion. But some words ring true.
The truth will set you free!
2006-07-15 09:02:18 · answer #8 · answered by ed 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You blew it, and you "know" you blew it....
Keep out of thier business...
She is spiteful as you are the "other woman" in his life and she may not have gotten over him, and if the support payments are late, well, thats a really big issue with ex's.
Go on with your life with him, and Marry him, instead of being a "partner"...sheesh, when will you women learn...
I wish you well..
Jesse
2006-07-15 08:52:42 · answer #9 · answered by x 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know how you feel i am see someone and he's ex told him to dump me or he cant see his 2 year old son, but he didn't and he's not aload to see his son i feel bad and things so i have cooled things down so he can sort it out, jus tell him that you are going to be here for him no matter what happens and that you just want him to get everything that he want, and also you have to tell him what you have done jus incase she says anything, its best to come from you first because it can **** everything for you 2 if it come from her
good luck
2006-07-16 03:34:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋