10 points for who can give me a clean joke that makes me laugh the hardest?

Answer 1

A blonde wanted to prove to her husband that not all blondes are dumb so she decided to paint there living room she went to the store and got some paint and a paint brush and started to paint the room when her husband arrived back from work he found his wife fainted on the floor he quickly went over and picked her up and when she awoke he asked Why are you wearing two coats the intructions on the can said for best results put on two coats.

Answer 2

Frog walks into the bank for a loan. The teller (Patty W.) says "I can help you here Sir, how may I help you?" The frog says "I need a sizable loan." Patty W. informs him that he will need colateral for a loan like that. The frog says "but I don't need colateral...I know the bank president." Patty W. says "thats really not good enough, I will need some form of colateral, Sir." So the frog hands her a little ivory elephant that he pulls from his pocket. Patty W. says "this is not going to work." By now the frog is very frustrated and demands to see the bank president. Patty W. informs the frog that the president is in a meeting and can't be disturbed. An arguement insues and finally Patty W. gives in and interupts the bank president..."Sir, there is a Mr. Frog out here that wants a sizable loan and when I asked him for colateral he handed me this, and I have no idea what it is!" The president responds by saying....."It's a knick-knack, Patty Wack, give the frog his loan!"....HAHAHA

Answer 3

A cop stops a kid for speeding, the kid asks: "why are you stopping me?" the cop says: "because your speeding" and the boy says: "yea right, i'm in a sixty mph zone, this car won't go over that, trust me i've tried" so the cop drives the car seeing how fast he can get it, as the boy sits in the passenger seat yelling "holy ****" the car doing 160mph the cop stops and tells the kid that he's off the hook, but what the cop doesn't know is the gage in the car only goes to sixty, the car can actually do 220mph, if your laughing, it's crazy, because this is a true story....

Answer 4

Signs that you drink too much cofee:
- You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- You ski uphill.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
- You lick your coffeepot clean.
- You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You chew on other people's fingernails.
- Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
- You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet.
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
- Cocaine is a downer.
- You don't need a hammer to pound nails.
- Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
- You don't sweat, you percolate.
- You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
- You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
- You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
- Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
- You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
- The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
- Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
- You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
- Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
- You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You can thread a sewing machine, while it's running.
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You short out motion detectors.
- You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
- You don't tan, you roast.
- You can't even remember your second cup.
- You help your dog chase its tail.

Answer 5

Where Is God?

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.

They boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon.

The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?".

They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed.

So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer.

So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"


The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"

The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!"

Answer 6

What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common?

They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride!

Answer 7

a man "A" buys 2 tickets of a bus.his neighbour asks him :"why did you buy 2 tickets?" the man replies:"if i will lose 1 i will have the second one." then neighbourasks:"if that too is lost then whatwill you do?" the man replies: "i am not a fool. i have my weekly pass"

Answer 8

Oh man a clean joke...fine!hmmm..
Harry potter walked up to a fat kid and said hippotamus maxamus!
Yeah my brother laughed!

Answer 9

Sorry I only know one joke and it sucks!! :-)

What did batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.


And the sad thing is I laugh every time I tell it......

Answer 10

There were to blondes. One was a cop, Hanna, and the other was...um...just a blonde, Sarah. Well one day Hanna caught Sarah going over 150 mph in a 25 mph zone (I'm already cracking up, lol) So Hanna pulled her over and said "Mam can I see your license?" Sarah looked up at Hanna in perplexity, "what's that?!" So Hanna explained to Sarah that it was about the size of a credit card with her picture on it. So after a couple of minutes digging in her purse Sarah found a pocket mirror. "I FOUND IT!" so she handed it to Hanna and Hanna said "I'm so sorry mam, why didn't you tell me you where a cop?"

**********************************************************************


Diarrhea "runs" in our family, it's in our "genes".