Advice about my EX?

Question

My ex and i split up in january because her ex (before me) got jelous and tried to kill me and her. now im 21 and a pakistani and she white (and i lost my V to her DONT LAUGH). She was my first girlfriend and we had been together for about a month and he done what he did, and he was supposed to be my mate. now she ended it with me with the words 'I dont want to be with you because your asian' My problem is that i hate her for saying what she said but i still love her like i did when i first met her and i cant get her out of my head. I have delt with my so-called 'mate' he wont be bothering me anymore.
Now what i need help with is getting her out of my head because its driving me to literally bang my head against the wall!!

Answer 1

Most people feel a very special bond to the person they lose their virginity to. However, you were not in love with someone you only dated for one month. You were in lust. The passions and excitement of any new relationship are intoxicating AND addictive (fact - it releases endorphins in your brain which is very much like a drug). Add to that she was the first and I can see why you are still obsessed with her.

The truth is that if she loved you, or even was equally infatuated and interested in a relationship with you, the threats of the ex-boyfriend would have landed him in jail; it would not have caused her to dump you.

The "asian" slur was probably a lie and was said so you would get it and go away. It is clear that she doesn't want to date you (heck, dude, it has been 6 months) and that you have tried to get back with her and don't seem to be getting the message.

So she said something hurtful so you would hate her and leave her alone.

It is time for you to wake up and get the message and MOVE ON. You are young, you are obviously attractive (you attracted her right?), and there will be more love for you in your future. You need to let go of her and heal before you will be ready to accept the attention of another woman.

Your obsession is holding you back from finding a gal that can and will love you with all her heart.

Certainly you deserve a woman who loves you as much as you love her???

So...get the clue and get over it. Yeah it hurts, but that's the risk you take when you offer your heart to anyone. That risk will be well worth it when you do finally meet the right woman.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Not all relationships are meant to be and in reality you should be happy that you are out of the situation now and not after you got married and had kids, etc. I am white and my husband is Pakistani but we have a solid relationship which is built on trust and everything else it should be. Your EX knew you were Pakistani when she met you, basically she has just been playing with you and wasting your time. As for getting her out of your head time is a great healer and there is not much you can do to help it get any easier except to think of what a lucky escape you have had. By the way if her ex did try to kill both of you did you go to the police and press charges???? You haven't been together very long and I knew you thought a lot more of her than she did of you but better you found out the truth now not later.

Answer 3

I doubt her problem is you being Asian - if it was, she wouldn't have gone with you at all.

So let me get this right - your ex was your mate's girl before you went out with her - come on, of course that's asking for trouble. Have you never heard of the saying 'you don't play around your own front door'?

Never mind - what ever has happened has happened. Has it occurred to you that 'some' girls enjoy the fuss of being fought over.

1. Don't get involved with your mates girls (unless you like trouble - which some people do).
2. Don't get violent (by doing so it shows that they've beat you) - the best thing you can do is just walk away and get a decent girl - they would hate that.

Answer 4

I feel really sorry for you, it must be hard for you at this time. I'm happy that you lost your virginity to somebody that you were in love with- you are luckier than other people. You are still very young, learn from the experiences which you have had with this girl and put then into a new relationship. The is no point in you getting involved with ex's. Trust me it is a long, tiring experience.

Answer 5

Forget her. I know it's hard, but it's what you've got to do. Cut off all contact and forget her. Don't go to the bars she goes to. Don't text. Don't call. Move on.

I have a friend who split up with his girlfriend about 2 years ago and he hasn't moved on. It's tragic to still see him lament over her, and it's what will happen to you unless you sort this out. He won't date other women because "they're not " Just move on and you'll find someone incredible, the person you're meant to be with.

Answer 6

You feel this way because she was your first...no less, no more. Realize that you will live to find another love(s) and all will be just fine. In love, like war, there is no guarantee of the outcome. You will not feel the pleasure if you are afraid to feel the pain. IF offered the chance to sit or dance, always choose to dance. Realize that she is DEAD to you, will never come back, and it is hopeless...you are living in a world that contains "if she...." and "maybe she..." This is not a real world....she is gone, same as dead. Good luck

Answer 7

Well....... I know you feel bout the ex thing... ANYWAYS..... Try to do things you guys didnt do together. Find another lady to be friends with that doesnt remind you of her. Um. Tell yourself that you are better without her and that life will go on. Dont go crazy over what she did. It's her lost and YOUR GAIN. Get out there and have fun.

Answer 8

You sound like a good bloke. So forget the racial slur...her problem unless you chose to make it your own. Learn, move on and give it time. Time heals.

if you are really struggling, get a couple of sessions with a counsellor......it can help to talk about how you feel to someone who is not part of your community.

And get f****ed again!

Answer 9

I know it's hard man but realize that neither your "mate" or the girl are worth your time. They obviously are lower on the maturity scale than you are. And any girl that doesn't want to date you because of a race issue is more superficial than you want to deal with. Tell her you're sorry she has such low self-esteem and move on.

Answer 10

what u need to is go on another date with someone else or hang out with really good Friends for awhile do fun stuff the worst thing to do is stay home and think about it.