Who has the TRUE power in a sub/dom relationship?

Question

I would like to add that everyone thinks the Dom holds the power but it is the submissive that does. The submissive says when it is enough, the submissive says STOP, the submissive says keep going. It is truly the submissive that holds the power, so who is truly the dominant in the relationship? And if you can interchange and be both, is the relationship better? I am in a submissive relationship and I love it. Not only is the sexual element great, but there is no doubt about the feelings, the caring. It takes a person who cares for the other to stop being dominant when you ask him to.

Thanks to all of you are answering the question, I do appreciate it. Boy, I wish this was a chat.

Answer 1

True power is the people you buy stuff from who encourage a dom/sub relationship.

The whips, chains, butt plugs, rope, handcuffs, vinyl or pvc or latex outfits you buy from the industry hold the true power.

True power comes from within all of us. Each person has the ability and the potential to give back in their own way to others. The people who want and need to control others are into just that, a need to be selfish and to make others think the same way that they do all the time., bringing them down to their level of thinking.

True love on the otherhand isn't about power or control. When there is pain involved, that isn't love., that is all about control and we don't want or need that at all to define love.

Answer 2

When you mention the term "true power", you have to be careful in applying that term properly. When it comes to whatever the power exchange has been made, the true power lies with the Dominant, simply because the submissive has voluntarily surrendered it.

However, outside of the power exchange, the true power lies with both the Dominant and the submissive. One thing that a submissive never surrenders (or should never surrender) is the power to stop any abuse of any kind, physical or psychological. However, that is not true power in terms of the relationship. It is true power in terms of the right to dignity that all individuals have.

The thing is, this power is also the providence of the Dominant as well. The Dominant has the absolute right to stop as well. Usually it's not because of abuse from the submissive, but it could be. So if the submissive says keep going, that is not their choice, for it belongs to the Dominant alone.

The realm of a human relationship of any kind involves the complex dance of what aspect of one's life belongs to the relationship, and what aspect belongs to the individual. Every couple and person has to decide that for themselves. The difference in a D/s relationship is that the aspects that the submissive brings to the relationship belong to the Dominant, else you no longer have that within the parameters of the D/s relationship. It might be a part of the vanilla relationship that covers the non-D/s parts, but in order for D/s to work, the submissive has to trust that the Dominant will not go beyond the boundaries of what is in the power exchange into what is not.

Hope that helps.

Answer 3

True, the submissive holds the real power in the relationship, because she can always say a safe word and stop the scene. However, there is another layer of subtlety to the question. There is also an element of topping and bottoming as well. No, the Dom is not always the top and the sub is not always the botttom. It is possible to " bottom from the top" where the dom obeys the sub's requests for things, or otherwise is waiting for her opinion and more important, permission. (like asking if she likes/is okay with something for example) "Topping from the bottom" is the sub telling the dom, for example, "I don't like this, stop!" So there are four different elements to a BDSM relationship. ( well, more, but I don't have that kind of room) Some good reading for you: " Screw the roses, send me the thorns" and " SM 101" you should be able to find them in your local bookstore.

Answer 4

In this relationship of Dom/Sub... the real power apparently comes from the people whos opinions you accept and take to heart. For example it occurs to me that you want an answer to a question you already answered. So you want to change your mind. Or just have your answer cemented. In a truly dominant and submissive relationship, there is no stop wait it hurts from the submissive person. It goes against the submitting part to both say stop and for the dominant person to adhear to that request. Your relationship is not Dom/Sub. If it was, you would not complain about pain. Whichever partner is dominant by definition is in control. and at no point does that change. Submissive people enjoy being raped.

Answer 5

Nobody in a relationship holds power over another unless it is given. Some may try to take it by force but that is only temporary, for it to have a permanent power the other side must agree to surrender the power.

Answer 6

As with everything the woman is the Boss! Guy can say stop all he wants but only when she hears and acknowledges it will she stop! Men, and hey I am 1, been thinking we hold all the power! Get real, women do & have held it forever and I don't think they'll be surrendering it anytime!

http://www.total-knowledge.com/~willyblues/

Answer 7

BUT DOMINATIONATION CAN GO TOO FAR AND BECOME AN EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND LATER PHYSICAL ABUSE. IT IS BETTER TO BE EQUAL PARTNERS AND MAKE ALL DECISIONS TOGETHER BECAUSE YOUR LIVES ARE INTERTWINED. WITH THE SEX, YOU ARE MARRIED AND WHAT IS COMFORIABLE FOR YOU BOTH IS WHAT YOU DO PROVIDING IT IS KEPT BETWEEN YOU TWO-NO TALKING TO OTHERS ABOUT IT OR SHARING SEX WITH A THIRD PARTY! MAKING LOVE IN A GOOD MARRIAGE IS AWESOME AND SHARING IT, BY VOICE OR BODY, LESSENS IT'S BEAUTY AND THE SANCTION OF MARRIAGE.

Answer 8

Sub

Answer 9

It takes two to tango, two to kiss, two to talk & reminisce. So many good things come in pair & one of those things is ME and YOU!

Answer 10

the woman