My mother-in-law can't let go of her son, and she thinks I'm jealous of their relationship! Help!?

Question

My mother-in-law calls all the time just to see what we're doing. She emails my husband several times in a day, but she sees him once a week and acts like she hasn't seen him in 10 years. All I said to her was that I didn't like her calling up so much, it was annoying, and for her to stop treating me like I'm a baby. Now her accusations against me include, I'm not letting my husband have a say in anything because I dominate him, which I do not by any means. She says I need counseling, I'm jealous of their relationship, (Yeah like I was a test tube baby and never had parents, I was baked in an oven till done!) And she also says I'm tearing my husband away from his family one by one, and next it'll be his friends. But I'm not!! And all because I said her calling all the time was annoying! Any advice? Please help!

Answer 1

Your first mistake was approaching her directly. Since she is your husband's mother, he needs to handle the situation. You need to tell him exactly what you want to happen and after discussing it between yourselves, come to an agreement and let him explain everything to his mother. He needs to stick up for you as you are his wife. If he feels you are over-reacting then the problem is with him first then his mother. Good luck. I am lucky that my Mother-in-Law is a great person and we are very close!

Answer 2

Best advice I can give is give it time. My hubby is his momma's baby and only boy! She took the accusations so far that we actually had DFACS come out and do an investigation against me and how the children were being raised by a mental person! There is a reason Movies like MONSTER IN LAW are big hits! They are the truth. Five years later she has calmed down and realized that she cannot seperate us no matter what! Now we can talk without trying to strangle each other! Good Luck

Answer 3

I'm pretty sure your mother-in-law wrote about you two days ago. Some lady who said her daughter-in-law never let her spend time with her only son's grandchildren, etc. etc. I wonder? Anyway, there's not much you can do about this. It's not your problem. It's your husband's problem. Just be nice to her. Apologize to her (even if you don't think you have to... this is your husband's MOTHER!). Get caller I.D. and you can have your husband answer the phone when she calls. And tell him you don't want to know how many times she sends him an e-mail, etc. etc. She's probably a mom who just misses the life she had with her children. Look at it with a bit of humor.

Answer 4

I had the same problem 5 years ago with my husbands mother. I wrote her a letter and explained that she is more then welcome to come over at anytime and I am not trying to rip your son away from his family that they were doing that all by themselves. I also explained that I understand that that is your baby and always will be and that we needed to focus on making her son happy. Mothers still want to protect there children for the rest of there lives. It takes great love and patience to deal with in laws alot of the time. There has to be understanding from you and respect also from her. Good Luck. By the way me and my mother in law are great friends now the first two years was alot of me holding my tongue. After that she apologized and we came to a understanding. Key word is respect.

Answer 5

Toxic In-Laws : Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage by
Susan Forward (Paperback - Oct 1, 2002)

The Daughter-In-Law's Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Know About Relating to Your Mother-In-Law (Women Talk About) by Eden Unger Bowditch and Aviva Samet

Answer 6

oh god... ur mom in law is crazy... well mothers cant accept their sons loving a woman other than her. Does ur husband have a sister. i dont think so otherwise she would understand that a woman needs space with her husband . Women are like that the make differnt rules for daughters and daughter in laws.i dont understand why cant they accept his son's wife as a part of her family.. Maybe u should also look at ur side..Maybe ur being possesive about ur hubby...Is ur hubby losing friends as well???? i hope ur family problem comes to an end soon......Well good luck sweetie

Answer 7

when i first met my hubby his mother did every thing for him. she came to his apartment and cleaned it, cooked his food if he was going to be home that night , and even put his laundry away in his dresser. When i first started staying over i would wake up to hear his mom in the kitchen. Very fustrating. Well soon it became to much and we had a confromtation. Wanted to kill her. I eventually talked to hubby about it and we came to a solution. Pissed his mom off and she did not talk to me for 3 years YEAH. Eventually we worked things out but it took a lot of effort on all sides. Even though now I wish she would have stayed a little closser. I think my pushing did eventually push his mom to far way.

Answer 8

I ABSOLUTELY go along with the previous answer. It is up to your husband to stand up to his mother and honor you. It's not a matter of dishonoring her, but you should come first in his life now. Talk to him and do NOT involve your mother-in-law. That will only cause more problems.

Answer 9

whats funny is that she thinks that YOU are jealous of HER. It is so the opposite, tell her to back off. When you married her son, you became as one. your not two any more. let here know that. It is no longer her son and this chick he married, but her son and HER daughter-in-law. It's that simple.

Answer 10

Reminds me of "Monster in Law" .... LOL...