Like Minded Moms?

Question

Once in a blue moon I'll meet another "cool mom". By "cool" I mean open-minded, youthful, easy-going.... I definately don't fit in with the other tennis playing suburbanite mommys around here.
So I'll meet an other (I think) like-minded parent and then later I'll get weird "oh, it's *you*" vibes the next time I call them or see them.
Is it just I'm picking up the wrong signals?
Yes, I do have friends, but why is it so hard to make new ones after 30? What can I do?

Well, I think by nature I am very quiet. Almost silent. But then when I open my mouth The Truth comes out (in a nice way), but I don't think they expect it? Or they'll spout an opinion, and I have the exact opposite opinion, or I'll note that they'll say something, and then contradict it in the next sentence. All these people! So conflicted!

Answer 1

It seems like theres alot of us out there in a similar boat!. I know i have problems relating to other moms. I take my 4 yrold to a kindergarten session 5 mornings a week, drop him off, and leave (its only a 3 hour session) and take off with the 2 yr old and do my morning housework and things. The other moms confuse me as they're all so...straightlaced. Like, its 830am, they all roll up in their SUVs (that have obviously NEVER been offroad), their hair is all perfectly done, they have on flashy clothes, perfect makeup all talk very loudly and their tinkling laughter cuts through my brain. Here i've shown up in a comfy tracksuit ( im a mom, not a supermodel), hair brushed, but no makeup and they're all looking at me like im some lower class species. Im 30, and it seems most of my friends have chosen a career over kids, so all work full time, and I still see them, but its...different. I really do wish I could meet other moms who were practical, open minded, not all silly and self obsessed and full of what their precious darlings can do. Good luck with your quest, and please let us know if you find a way to find the other "cool" moms!

Answer 2

I have the same problem...I'm quiet and can't meet moms that I think are cool. So far I've volunteered at my daughter's school, I've done readings for the local library, I even volunteered at a local bead shop teaching kids how to make jewelry. Every once in a while I'll meet a cool parent, but not too often. And I do usually scare them away when I mention taking my kids to a drumming circle, but that's the only way I can find out. :)
Try the library...they all do kids' story time. Also some malls have "mommy and me" days where they schedule kid oriented things those days...our local one had a juggler last time and they're always filled with other parents trying to find playmates for their kids.
Good luck!

Answer 3

I guess we all feel this way. I'm not a snooty mom, I'm not stuck up, I am not judgemental. I'm just ...... normal. I don't try to impress anyone. I don't care how much money people have or don't have. I'm not superficial. And its hard to find others like that.

What I did was start my own yahoo group. I started it 4 yrs ago. I've made tons of great mama friends just like me! I suggest everyone here should do the same. Or at least find a group in your area. I'm telling you, its easiest if you meet someone online, get to know them (maybe you click, maybe you dont) but you find out BEFORE you meet in real life, so not so many surprises. Works for me. Good luck.

Answer 4

I used to have the same problem, the funny thing is I live in the suburbs, drive a big SUV, take the kids to baseball and soccer, but I don't "look" like a stay at home mom. I dress a little sexy (not slutty), have my nose pierced, don't give my kids a bunch of rules, I just didn't fit in. I just kept on going to all sorts of different mommy groups, and finally found a some I liked. Just keep looking.

Answer 5

Some people do not appreciate or celebrate our differences as compelling ways to start or maintain relationships. I have an aquaintance that is atheist and I am a Christian. she states her opinion well and so do I. We respect each other and we do subscribe that everything be PC.

I also have a difficult time making friends after 30. I think we become less trusting after 30 because we have experienced our share of slime, liars and mean people.

Answer 6

Oh MY....I think I just found my soul sister lol.. I have the same problem..Im going to be 30 in a few months, and dont really fit in with all the "other" moms....I still look like Im 21. I cant see myself hanging out with the mom's at my kids daycare because, well, they are like soccer moms. They look older then what they are. I havent met any "cool" moms in my city yet. I am wondering the same thing!!

Answer 7

I have the same problem..I am not Christian, which automatically makes me "weird" to alot of other moms..like I am incapable of good parenting practices..finding friends is harder after 30 I think..bonds are made and forged early in life (for some) and with working outside the home, kids, perhaps sig. others..there's not alot of time to fuel the fires of friendship..but to be honest,everyone is a special and unique person, if another acts in a manner that makes you uncomfortable, do you really want them around??

Answer 8

Sign me up for the outcast moms club. LOL! I can never find another mom like me because I'm much older than other moms with 6 year olds (I'm 43) so we usually don't have much in common. Also I'm a liberal-minded mom and I'm surrounded by conservatives, so it's hard to find others who think like me. I did find a mom of one of my son's school friends and they've become best friends so we socialize at playdates. We have a good time together.

There is someone out there to talk to... you'll find her sooner or later. :-)

Answer 9

I know what you mean.... yesterday my daughter had a play date and I had to sit with 2 other moms who were the complete opposite of me... Im very laid back, and flexible when it comes to my daughter. I find that alot of other parents are so caugth up in showing off how well thier child listens that they are constantly reprimanding them and spouting off rules...meanwhile I pick and choose my battles and just make sure my child is healtthy and happy abovr all.
Im not sure why the other "cool moms" seem to blow you off...maybe you are coming across too strong...or something? Replay the conversations you had with these other moms in your head....could it have been something you said?

Answer 10

I also had that problem. I then started volunteering at my daughters school and started meeting mothers like me. Easy going,fun,etc...I also make it a point to meet the mothers of her friends. Some click and we become friends who can hang out and talk and some I want just want to have as associates. Check out different areas in your town to met mothers and go from there. Good luck.