Make me laugh , it's a hard thing to do. 10 points?

Question

Please give something funny.

Answer 1

God and the Harley Davidson Inventor


Arthur Davidson, the inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute, then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley Davidson motorcycle?"

Arthur said, "Yep, that's me."

God said, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally he said, "Excuse me, but aren't You the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusions;

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds;

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much;

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust;

5. And the maintenance costs are enormous!"

"Hmmmmm, you have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to His Celestial super computer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

Answer 2

A Chinese man went into a bar in Hawaii to have some drinks. At the counter, he was amazed to see that was sitting next to the famous Hollywood director, Steven Spielberg. After a round of beer the Chinese sensed that famous director glaring at him. Suddenly, in a flash Chinese crashed down from his stool, felled by a vicious punch from the director.
Picking himself up, he yelled, "What the hell was that for ?"
Spielberg ranted: "That's for the bombing of Pearl Harbor, you ********* ! My dad perished in that bombing."
"I am not Japanese. I am Chinese."
"Yeah yeah yeah ... Japanese, Burmese, Chinese, you are all the same," retorted Spielberg.
Regaining his composure, the Chinese took his seat and ordered a double from the bartender. A few second later, the Chinese turned around and delivered a mighty punch to Spielberg, sending him flat on the floor.
"What was that for ?" exclaimed the director.
"That's for sinking the Titanic! I had ancestors on that ship!" the Chinese replied.
"You ignorant man ! The Titanic was sunk by an iceberg!" shouted the director.
"Yeah yeah yeah ... Iceberg, Charlsberg, Spielberg .. you are all the same!"



A blonde walks into an electronics store and says, "I'd like to buy that
tv please." The salesperson replies, "I'm sorry. We don't sell to
blondes here."

The blonde goes home and dyes her hair brown, and a few days later
returns to the store, again asking to buy the tv. "I told you, we don't
sell to blondes, miss. Please go home!" the salesperson tells her.

The blonde goes home, shaves her head and puts on a baseball cap.

In a few days she asks once again to buy the tv. "We just don't sell to
blondes here! Please, give up! Go home!" the salesperson exclaims. "I
dyed my hair, you still knew I was blonde. I shaved my head and wore a
hat, you still knew I was blonde! How do you know?" she cries,
exasperated. The salesperson points to the item she wants. "Well, first
of all, that's a microwave..."



Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a
State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to
himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on
his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in
the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't
understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the
problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know
that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other
drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed
limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit
proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains
to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit
embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out
her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this
car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a
single peep this whole time." the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

Answer 3

There was once a turtle in a meadow. The turtle spotted a tree, climbed it, jumped, flapped his arms wildly and fell to the ground. The turtle kept doing this for hours. While he was doing this, two birds were standing nearby, watching him. Then, one of the birds said to the other, "Don't you think we should tell him he's adopted?"

Answer 4

A tightwad was looking for a gift to give a friend. Everything was too expensive except for a glass vase that had been broken and he could purchase it for almost nothing. He asked the store to send it hoping his friend would think it had been broken in transit.
In due time he received a note: “thanks for the vase,” it read. “It was so thoughtful
Of you to wrap each piece separately.”

Answer 5

I can't you have to go to the court house for that. Name changes are about $150 and you have to fill out a form. It seems petty easy to do and not hard.

Answer 6

Hi, Stella C, my name is Hank. I satirized the recent Supreme Court decision for the state-sanctioned death ruling in Kansas. Some people have told me it's funny as well as sarcastic. If it doesn't make you laugh--you might need a therapist. Ha, ha, ha.

Hank Feral

The Barking Dog Popped a Cap
A Poem
By
Hank Feral
06-26-06

I want to kill!
The Suck Primo Court says I can Killlllllllll!
Oohhhhh I want to kill!
I want to kill so bad!
It’s legal now.
Let’s kill Aunt Mary,
She farted in my living room.
It stank.
I can’t stand that smell.
BAM!!
I want to kill.
I don’t care what God says.
I don’t care what Jesus says.
I just want to ******* kill.
Kill, kill, kill.
Don’t you dare look me in the eye.
I will have you killed.
It’s legal to kill.
I can even carry a gun to make it easier.
Lucern, Lucern, Lucern.
I brag that I can kill.
I don’t care what Jesus says.
I want my revenge.
**** all you motherfuckers,
I want to kill you all.
My ******* toenail is ingrown.
I’ll kill that ************ for ingrowing.
But that’s your foot.
So ******* what.
Bang, bang, bang,
Yow!
What’d you do that for?
The Suck Primo Court said I could.
I don’t care what God says.
I want to kill.
Let’s kill Uncle John.
He broke a glass in my kitchen.
I’ll have him killed.
The Feds said I could.
What do you mean taking my parking space.
I’m going to kill you.
Bam, bam, bam,
The doggy barked.
Pop, pop, pop,
Goes the cap.
Kill, kill, kill,
I can do it.
That ************ won’t park in my space anymore.
The Suck Primo Court kills them all.
No mercy, no mercy, no mercy.
I don’t care, pop, pop, pop.
I guess I settled that.
Bam, bam, bam.
The puppy barked
The Suck Primo Court
Licensed my dog.

Answer 7

make friendship with someone like me, you will always laugh.

--
my subordinate wrote a letter to me asking for a loan.

" As i am going to marry my sister, please grant me a loan of Rs. one lakh "

--
and my boss one put out a statement .
" I bought this item for one rupees."

I told him it must be for one rupee but not rupees, to which he replied

yes one rupees is correct, b'coz one rupee is full one hundred paise.

--

have fun