How can I get my 3 year old son to go to sleep at night by himself?

Question

He likes me to lie in bed beside him until he goes to sleep this is very time consuming , what can i do to get him out of this habit?

Answer 1

My kids (I have 3) have always been about routine. So once you start laying with him until he goes to sleep he expects it, he's used to it. Now it's time to start a new routine, for your sake and his.

I did the same thing with my 2nd daughter. So I would lay down with her at 8:00pm and of course fall asleep, wake up, she was asleep and I was tired and would just go to bed, not getting anything done around the house or have time to spend with my husband.

I started putting her to bed by herself explaining she was a big girl now and everything was okay and Mommy was in the other room if she needed me. The first couple of nights were tough. She got up several times and yes there was some crying but I kept taking her back to bed and eventually she fell asleep. Each night I told her how proud I was of her for sleeping in her big girl bed (which she loved!) After a few nights it became the NEW routine and no problems since! The toughest part is being consistent. Keep taking him back to bed, no matter how many times he gets up or how much he cries. (I promise he will still love you in the morning!) Good luck! You can do it!

Answer 2

Yes, I went through that. You need to create a bedtime routine. Every night do the same thing. Also tell him that this is a new routine and that he is a big boy now and can fall asleep on his own.

For example: take a bath, brush teeth, read story then go to sleep. You might want to keep a night light in the room. Get a cute one so he can turn it on everynight before he gets into bed.

After you tuck him in you have to leave. Don't linger b/c he will make it an issue. If he gets up - don't say anything just walk him back to his room and put him back to bed. Just be patient and consistent - eventually he will just stay in the bed.

Answer 3

I agree with knowitall, although we've never had the time to do 2 hrs of wind-down. Not enough hours in the day! The best thing is to keep him active throughout the day, try to attract his attention to some activity or other when he looks like he might be about to snooze in the day (although I wouldn't suggest waking him up if he does). Have a rock solid bedtime routine, and we do the same thing knowitall does - 'Everyone who loves you.' They love it. I had exactly the same problem with my daughter, and it is just a case of perseverance and patience. One thing I do is to make sure she has plenty of soft toys around, a few books, and enough light to read or play a quiet game with the toys. Then when I've kissed her goodnight I talk to her softly as I walk about putting towels back, tidying the bathroom etc, telling her what I'm doing. She knows it's a progression from that to going downstairs, and her being alone. I don't know, it just seems to work. Another trick is to tell her she is a big girl going to sleep in her bed, and it is her job to watch over the teddies, making sure they go to sleep and are safe. If she cries, I will go in pretty immediately and hug her, I don't believe all this fashionable rot about not looking at them or talking to them - total rubbish; they aren't robots or animals. I then usually ask her if her teddy is crying because he can't get to sleep - gets a laugh every time. Then do the 'People who love you.' thing again. The thing is not training them like dogs, but making them feel secure, loved, and an important part of a system. (You look after him, he looks after his teddies.) That one's my own daft idea, but it works.

Answer 4

Its a mixture of a couple of the answers, make sure you get a good bed time routine going. Tell him its bath time/ wash time, then while giving him the bath tell him after this its Pj's n story then its sleep (night, nights) time. So he knows what the routine is, while putting on his pj's tell him after this its story time then sleep time.
Always kiss him n tell him you love him, & each nite get further away. First next to bed, then further away, tiil at n out the door. But while you are doing this dont talk to him after you have said good nite. If he talks just say "sssh no talking its sleep time" but just the once. Eventually he will become more confident that you are not far away.
If he needs the landing light on thats fine. You could get him a special night, night teddy to cuddle.
And you can enjoy your evening!!!!!

Answer 5

First I would try Putting him in his bed and shutting the door when you leave. If he cries, but stays in his room that is fine, but if he comes out of his room that is not acceptable. If he won't stay in his room I would suggest putting him in bed, turn off the lights and sit on his bedroom floor. Every time he gets out of bed, don't make eye contact, don't talk to him, just pick him up and put him back in bed. This routine will be exhausting and it can become emotionally hard listening to your child scream, but I am telling you it will work if you are strict with the idea. If you try it the first night and buckle under the pressure of your sons crying, he will know he has you wrapped around his finger.
Be strong, it will work. GOOD LUCK!

Answer 6

I think the longe rit goes on teh harder a habit it is to break. I always had my daughter in my bed with me and had to lie next to her til she fell asleep, which took up a lot of my time in the evenings. When she was 10 months I just had to put her in her cot and leave her to cry, so she would get used to going to sleep by herself, after a week she was fine and now goes down with no problem. What i would suggesyt is putting him to bed in his own bed, and leaving, when he gets up don't talk to him or make eye contact, just take him and lie him back down in bed and leave again, you'll likely have to do this for a while and he will likely get up again and again, but if you reward him by talking to him or making eye contact he will keep getting up, i know this sounds harsh but it is the most effective way, you need your time too.

Answer 7

Ive not been in this situation, so not qualified to answer but can I suggest try leaving the room while he's awake, and if he grumps, give him a teddy and say 'cuddle into teddy while mummy is gone, I'll be back in a minute'. Hopefully he will accept this, and eventually fall asleep by himself. If it goes OK then you should gradually get to the point where you tuck him in and say 'back in a min' or whatever, and leave the room straightaway. Good luck!!

Answer 8

Tell him you love him and he's old enough to go to bed by himself. Everyone has this issue at some point of parenthood so your not alone. Just reaffirm you son that he ready for this and make him feel safe. 3 is very late for such an issue so chances are your having issues with it too. Don't be an enabler draw the line and stick to it.

Answer 9

I agree that you need, if you don't have it already, a solid bedtime routine. Ours started about 2 hours before bedtime:

Quiet play
Warm, calm bath (no horseplay)
Dress in cuddly jammies
Brush teeth
Story time, usually lying in bed together, lots of snuggling
Then, lights out and quiet talk
Then, mom gets up while son is still awake!

Our favorite topic for quiet talk was "The People Who Love You." My son and I would take turn naming the names of people who love him, including family members, friends, teachers--anybody he thought loved him. I would top it off with, "And remember that I love you, too." And then I would get up and walk out. He had a soothing, reassuring thought lingering in his mind to go to sleep to.

Answer 10

My miller had that same problem with his first child. In the end he had to put a lock on the inside of his own bedroom door. He said his daughter would bang on the door screaming every night for a couple of weeks and then she realised that her parents weren't gonna give in so she gave up and went to sleep by herself.
He said it was heartbreaking to hear her scream but they'd tried everything else and it was the only thing that works.