Im so down in the dumps!!!can someone please help me???

Question

Its almost been a year since my pop passed away and his b'day is coming up...I feel so lonely and just dont know what to do...I am in so much pain it feels like my heart has bee ripped out...I feel that i havent really had a chance to let all my pain out and have a good cry...I dont know why but i always seem to hold the pain inside and it all builds up untill i cant handel it anymore...Man why is live so hard??? please please can someone help me????

Answer 1

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. One thing to remember is that death is a part of life. It's normal to greive and it's important to let your emotions out so that you don't become bitter. There's healing in tears. Here are some suggestions below I hope will help.

Accept How You Feel
Death and loss hurts. Why pretend that you're not experiencing terrible inner turmoil? Your emotional reactions are a natural response to the death of a loved one. However, there is no correct emotion to experience and there is no prescribed way to mourn. Accept the validity of your feelings.

Express How You Feel
It is not enough to recognize your conflicting emotions; you must deal with them openly. A feeling that is denied expression is not destroyed; it remains with you and can erupt at inappropriate times. Acknowledging the pain when you feel it is much better for your long-term emotional health.

Grieving Takes Time
Allow sufficient time for the grieving period to run its course. The process is never the same for any two people. Don't compare yourself with others in similar positions. Heal in your own way and in your own time.

Don't Cut Yourself Off
If you stay alone too much, your home will become a protective barrier that keeps you from facing your new challenges in life. You need to interact with the world. You might start with routine chores, like shopping, which do not demand too much exertion and concentration. At the same time, don't over do it. Review your priorities. Stick to what is important and necessary now. Don't worry too much about what's down the road. Take one step at a time outside your home.

Allow Your Friends In
Talk to a friend. Share your feelings. Let the right people know that you need support and feedback. They cannot bring you comfort unless you allow them to enter your sorrow. Holidays, birthdays and anniversaries are especially difficult times to be alone. Plan ahead to spend these days with caring and understanding friends.

Support Groups
At some point you may be disappointed in the reactions of your acquaintances and even your close friends. Death is probably frightening to them. They may feel awkward in your company. You must now learn to accept people's differing reactions to death and realize that not everyone will meet your expectations. That's why self-help groups have been successful in providing necessary emotional intervention through the crisis of death. People in these groups understand your fears and frustrations; they have been there before. Contact the Social Work Department of your local hospital for information on nearby bereavement groups.

Counseling
You may need more than the warmth of a close friend or understanding of a fellow sufferer. A professional counselor who is not emotionally attached to you may be more effective to assist you in viewing your problems in a clear perspective.

Take Care Of Yourself
You need people. You also need moments of solitude to find yourself. Why not walk in a quiet place, paint a picture, read a book or take a long leisurely bath. Your faith may also help you to face and survive the inevitable moments of despair. For many, religion offers a philosophical base in the lonely encounter with helplessness and hopelessness.

God bless and prayers be with you.

Answer 2

First give yourself the cry that you deserve. Let it out and don't stop until there are no more tears. Then think about the great times you had and write them out. Writing can be VERY cathartic and you'll probably find yourself chuckling or laughing about some of the memories. You didn't mention if you have kids. If you don't yet, the writing down of your father's legacy is even more important, because your kids are still his grandkids and they'll be curious and it will be a great way for you to honor him and have some sharing time with your kids. My son was 4 when "Popeye" died but for some reason they were VERY close, much closer than any other relative so every April 14th we still celebrate Popeyes birthday and my son is now 24! We tell a little story about my dad, and of course my sons stories are somewhat limited, but I always try and prepare a new story for the night. We celebrate his life, and his love and honestly I do feel his presence when I allow myself to let go. If you don't have anyone to share his b-day with you, make some time on that day to meditate or take quiet time and pay your respects to him. One thing I can GUARANTEE you is he would NOT want you being sad because he's gone. He would only want happiness for you; so take the happy times and Celebrate!!!

Answer 3

My dad passed away when I was 9 and it has been the worst experience, biggest obstacle I have been through. Througout the 11 years that he's been gone, I have found it easier to talk about him without crying and learning to accept life itself. It's going to happen sooner or later to everyone you care and love for, but their's nothing that can prepare you well enough for something like that. It's going to be hard the first couple of years if not longer, especially if you were real close to him. Try writing down what your feeling in like a story form or poem structure and letting your feelings and emotions come out that way. Talk to the people who support you and your family the most and learn to cherish every moment with the one's you love. Or try to go have a good cry and get it out. Their will be times in your life when a good cry is necessary and from personal experience, this is the right time. I'm sorry for your loss and I wish you the best of luck. Take care.

Answer 4

Just so you know, before these people start saying mean things... What you are feeling is normal. We all feel that way when we lose someone close to us. The trick is to try to remember all the good things. Try to think of things about your pop that make you laugh. If you need to cry, then do it! Don't ever feel ashamed about missing your dad. Try to find a friend that you can talk to about it, or maybe even let your mom know how you are feeling. She's missing him too, I'm sure. Time will help with the pain. Good luck hon, and remember, your pop is watching you from heaven!

Answer 5

I know how it feel when u lose that 1 u luv so much. U gotta let it out don't let it build up 'cause it only make it harder on U. It's gonna take some time, but U gonna make it. So just think of all the good things and take it 1 day at a time you'll B alright. Life is always going to throw that curve ball at cha but u got ta B ready for that unexpectable. SMILE EVERY THING IS GOING 2 B ALL RIGHT!!!!!! 4 REAL!!!!!!!

Answer 6

Get over it. You can wallow in misery and wail to the moon "why is life so hard?" and ask other people to help you. Or you can help yourself. Everyone dies, you, me, them, everybody. As we get older, everyone loses someone they love, everyone!!! Remember the good things, thank God for putting someone so special in your life, and make that person proud by doing your best to live a healthy, productive life. What would your Pop want you to be doing right now? Not cryin' the blues, I'm sure. Unless you are a blues singer, in which case you could fill an album and make a million. Otherwise, take a shower, put on your favorite clothes, and go face the world. I'm sure it's what your pop would want.

Answer 7

Im sorry for your loss. It sounds as if your father and you had a close relationship. I have found solace in the comfort of Gods word and would suggest you do the same. And if you should speak with the Creator of all things-tell him EXACTLY how you feel. If your angry tell Him so- if your in pain tell Him so. He has shoulders big enough and wheather you believe it or not, He is truly interested in you as an individual- after all He's GOD

Answer 8

nicely, i'm not sure what's occurring yet all of us could desire to have a wreck down each in specific situations. supply your self 5 minutes to cry and pitch a in superb condition, then do some thing superb for your self. A candle lit bubble tub, a action picture with a chum, an prolonged walk on my own. some thing to nurture your self. Sending you suggestions of affection and healing, besides as soft hugs.

Answer 9

hello. im sorry to know about that. u must love your dad so much and you miss him a lot. its okay to cry bcoz it lets out all the emotions and pain you're hiding inside and it can really help. but let me tell you this...... it isnt helping you if you keep on going like that. im sure your pop wouldnt be happy to see you this way. so lighten up please.... there's so much more that life has to offer you and there are still people out there who care for you. it isnt the end of the world yet. okay....just think about how your pop would have wanted you to be...he wants you to be happy and to go on with your life as normally as you can. even though he's gone, he still loves you and he wants the best for you. theres still so many people who care for you..... i should now because im one of them.

Answer 10

Its alright sweetie. Both my parents are gone so I know how you feel, but you need to address your sadness. By that I mean let yourself know why you are sad. For me It finally dawned on me that I was sad because I was truly going to miss them. Sometimes we are sad because we feel guilty about things we did or should have done with our loved one. When you figure that out you will find that you cope better about your loved one absence. And if your relationship was great with your father, look in the mirror and know that he is as near as that reflection in the mirror. Remember the good and the sad eventually will loosen its grip on your heart.