some jokes?

Answer 1

A blonde walks into an electronics store and says, "I'd like to buy that
tv please." The salesperson replies, "I'm sorry. We don't sell to
blondes here."

The blonde goes home and dyes her hair brown, and a few days later
returns to the store, again asking to buy the tv. "I told you, we don't
sell to blondes, miss. Please go home!" the salesperson tells her.

The blonde goes home, shaves her head and puts on a baseball cap.

In a few days she asks once again to buy the tv. "We just don't sell to
blondes here! Please, give up! Go home!" the salesperson exclaims. "I
dyed my hair, you still knew I was blonde. I shaved my head and wore a
hat, you still knew I was blonde! How do you know?" she cries,
exasperated. The salesperson points to the item she wants. "Well, first
of all, that's a microwave..."

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a
State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to
himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on
his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in
the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't
understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the
problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know
that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other
drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed
limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit
proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains
to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit
embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out
her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this
car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a
single peep this whole time." the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

Answer 2

This is your Captain

A jumbo jet is making its final approach to the Tampa Airport.

The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with us today and hope you enjoy your stay in the Tampa Bay area".

He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit.

The copilot can be heard saying to the pilot, "So, Skip, whatcha got planned while we're in Tampa?"

"Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap....then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge t_i_t_s out for dinner.... then I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and give her a ride on the baloney pony all night long."


Aghast and amused, everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle, trying to figure out who this new stewardess is that the pilot 's talking about.


Meanwhile, the new stewardess is seated at the very back of the plane.
She is so embarrassed that she starts running toward the cockpit to turn the intercom off.

Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes.

The old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear. He's gotta take a s-h-i-t first."

Answer 3

here are somes jokes Ms/Mr


What a dinner !

A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist,
"Hello, could you give me condom. I'm going to my girlfriends for dinner
and I think I may be in with a chance!" The pharmacist gives him the condom
and as the young man is going out;
he returns and says, "Give me another condom because my girlfriend's sister
is very cute too.
She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I
think I might strike it lucky there too."
The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving he turns
back and says,
"Go on, give me one more condom because my girlfriend's mum is still pretty
cute and when she sees me she always makes eyes
, and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting me to make a
move!
During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left,
the sister on his right and the mum facing him. When the dad gets there, the
boy lowers his head and starts praying,
"Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you give us." A minute
later the boy is still praying; "Thank you Lord for your kindness.
" Ten minutes go by and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down. The
others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend is even more
surprised than the others.
She gets close to the boy and says in his ear, "I didn't know you were so
religious." The boy replies, "I didn't know your dad was a pharmacist!"

S-SMILE
E-ENERGY
X-XCITEMENT
So make "S-E-X"a daily habbit and u will always be
SUCC"S-E-X"FULL!!!

Answer 4

How do u confuse a moron?,
put him in a room and tell him 2 sit in 1 corner!

Chuck Norris cant sleep in the dark!,its not because hes afraid of the dark,its because the dark is afraid of him!

Chuck Norris doesn't get frost bite!,he bites frost!!

Answer 5

This yolks on you, egghead. Because if you're an egg, the only one who'll sit on your face is your mother.


(at least it's an OO, Oracle Original, but don't get all hard boiled
about it)

Answer 6

Okay here we go,,,,,,,,

1. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards.
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2. What is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
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3. What is height of Laziness?
Adopting a child.
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4. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
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5. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
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6. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
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7. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
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8. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
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9. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder.
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Now some different answers

10. What is height of Secrecy?
Not attending your own marriage
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11. What is height of Activelaziness?
hiring somebody for your own morning walk !!!!
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12. What is height of Laziness?
adopting another child !!!!
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13. What is height of Craziness?
Trying to do blowwjob to a enuch
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14. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Going out from own house in the morning and getting back to neighbour's house.
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15. What is height of Stupidity?
Going to swim without underwear

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Answer 7

What's the slimiest thing in the world?

Two eels screwing in a bucket of snot.

Answer 8

i don't have any jokes