tell me jokes....?

Answer 1

A blonde walks into an electronics store and says, "I'd like to buy that
tv please." The salesperson replies, "I'm sorry. We don't sell to
blondes here."

The blonde goes home and dyes her hair brown, and a few days later
returns to the store, again asking to buy the tv. "I told you, we don't
sell to blondes, miss. Please go home!" the salesperson tells her.

The blonde goes home, shaves her head and puts on a baseball cap.

In a few days she asks once again to buy the tv. "We just don't sell to
blondes here! Please, give up! Go home!" the salesperson exclaims. "I
dyed my hair, you still knew I was blonde. I shaved my head and wore a
hat, you still knew I was blonde! How do you know?" she cries,
exasperated. The salesperson points to the item she wants. "Well, first
of all, that's a microwave..."

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a
State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to
himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on
his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in
the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't
understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the
problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know
that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other
drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed
limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit
proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains
to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit
embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out
her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this
car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a
single peep this whole time." the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119."

Answer 2

i can't beligve i m answering all ur question i m feeling bit dizy but here are sum jokes to cheer u up its juss jokes ok


Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your sister.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and
so is your head.

Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:
Marrying you screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That's why I always wake up screaming.

My love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell
Except for maybe "Go To Hell".

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

i m sorrie if this didn't cheer u up

Answer 3

OK, A Rabbi and a catholic priest who have been friends for years, went to a supper given by the catholic church ladies. The priest was eating ham and remarked."this ham is delicious, you haven't lived until you try Mrs. Google virginia baked ham. When are you ging to get out of that old tradition of not eating ham?" The Rabbi looked at him and smiled then said>"At your wedding"

Answer 4

Red Or Green

Two men are sitting in the doctor's office. The one looks at the other one and says, "What are you here for?"

The man replied "I have a red ring around my p-e-c-k-e-r, What are you here for?"

The other man said, "I have a green ring around my p-e-c-k-e-r."

The doctor called the man with the red ring first in his office and examined him.

As he was walking out he told the other guy it was no problem.

The doctor called the man in with the green ring around his p-e-c-k-e-r and examined him.

The doctor says, "Your p-e-c-k-e-r is gonna fall off and you are gonna die".

The mans says, "What?? You told the man with the red ring he was ok, but I'm gonna die??"

The doctor said, "Yes but there's a lot of difference lipstick and gangrene!"

Answer 5

No Spikka Inglish

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an

animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first,
but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the

following
"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come

once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee

twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In

this Country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex

lives....
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm ajusta

tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

>I BET YOU READ THIS AGAIN!!!!







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Answer 6

Okay here we go,,,,,,,,

1. What is height of Secrecy?
Offering blank visiting cards.
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2. What is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.
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3. What is height of Laziness?
Adopting a child.
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4. What is height of Craziness?
Getting a blank paper Xeroxed.
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5. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Seeing the mirror and trying to recollect when you saw him / her last.
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6. What is height of Stupidity?
A man looking through a keyhole of a glass door.
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7. What is height of Honesty?
A pregnant woman taking one and a half ticket.
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8. What is height of Suicide?
A dwarf jumping from the footpath on the road.
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9. What is height of De-hydration?
A cow giving milk powder.
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Now some different answers

10. What is height of Secrecy?
Not attending your own marriage
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11. What is height of Activelaziness?
hiring somebody for your own morning walk !!!!
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12. What is height of Laziness?
adopting another child !!!!
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13. What is height of Craziness?
Trying to do blowwjob to a enuch
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14. What is height of Forgetfulness?
Going out from own house in the morning and getting back to neighbour's house.
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15. What is height of Stupidity?
Going to swim without underwear

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