single mother who is extremely unlucky in love?

Question

I always seem to go for the guy that is most out of my reach, in my mind i build him up to be this really great guy. then we get together & he's just a disappointment. do you think that my expectations are too high? i have a son to consider when making this decisions, am i just being a little too fussy? i've been hurt pretty badly, ever since then it takes me such a long time to trust anyone or their motives. i don't even know how to approach guys anymore, ive been out of the loop for 2 years.

i've kept my legs closed for the better part of 3 years

Answer 1

First stop making a fantasy of the man in your mind. Because you know NO man is that PERFECT. Not trying to hurt your feelings that is one of the reasons why you are getting disappointed.

Second, yes i do believe your expectations is to high. Because you don't look at what he really is. You need to get to know the man first. You cannot dream about him being perfect. Because he is NOT.

You are the one hurting yourself.... Please understand this is not to hurt your feeling but to show you something . You see, I was there too ,at one time. I thought that when a man says anything, his word was BOND. Meaning he kept EVERY promise he made. But most men are not. I always wanted people to just be truthful and honest with me even when it would be painful.
So when promises were broken I am looking stupid and my feelings are hurt. I have been asked out on a date that never showed up.(cause he went out with someone else and forgot all about the date he made with me)
He was a skirt chaser. But see once that happened I knew to never try to go out with him again. Because a man like that cannot be serious with women for a very long time. So instead of getting upset about it. I left it alone.
You said you were out of the loop for 2 years. I was for over 6 years. I saw no need to date or go out for a long time because the only people that I seemed to attracked were always the wrong ones.
Take your time, Try to get YOURSELF centered first before trying to date. Start working on your confidence and if needed talk with counselor.

Answer 2

i thought you were talking about me when i read this. and no you are not screwed up. we just have to focus on making ourselves happy. people will at some point in you life let you down. we even let our selves down sometimes. but trust in god and the right guy will come along. im in the same boat and are feeling the same exact way that you are. so lets start a new day and make our selves and our children we as people only naturally want a mate in our life but its nothing wrong with being alone. go to a movie, get you nails done, go to a park and barbecue, play a video game. do anything to keep busy. god will send you and i the right man.

Answer 3

You need to ask yourself, are you trying to find a father for your child or a life long partner. Never lower your expectations, the person you are looking for is out there, stop looking so hard. Enjoy your child and mister right will find you. When we want something so bad we become impatiented and alot of times we do settle for less. Enjoy your life and let nature take it's course, your perfect man will come. Your wasted time in looking is wasting your time for living. Relax, be happy with yourself and someone will find you.

Answer 4

Stop pre-judging men before you get to know them.

Also buy yourself a couple of really good vibrators, so you won't be tempted to hook up with someone just because he's great in bed. You have to discover his other (nonsexual) qualities because he's going to be a stepdad at some point if he stays with you.

2 years is about right for getting over a divorce/break up. Just don't try so hard, and someone will come to you.

Answer 5

I think someone close to you can help you better to get you back in the loop. Try doing corrections to your fussy nature and be careful about your steps and start trusting people in a calculative way...

Answer 6

thats just it... not everyone has a motive... stop and just take it day by day and take the person at face value... u r lookin and waiting for them to fail from the minute u meet them, almost like u r setting them up to fail b/c they cant reach ur expectations. just have fun dont think about the future.. when u let ur guard down and live life day by day that one guy will walk into ur life and b 4 u know it he will steal ur heart and love u and ur son for u, no motives no expectaions just love.

Answer 7

i am like you in parts of that-i am very open and bartend for extra $$ so meeting guys is easy, but i agree with ya-it is tough, and NO-you are not being too fussy. i am NOT settling for less than perfect-and neither should you or anyone. And as for son, mine is 8, he actually said-he wants me to be happy too. think bout that, 8 yr old gets it-driving me and you crazy. good luck.

Answer 8

First, good luck in finding someone to full that whole that you have. I think some time we have an unrealistic view of things and don't really look for the signs that are point blank in our face. My way of dealing with this---is to have some one for different times1.SEX, social events, and try-outs(with out contact with my kids--they don't need to see allot of people in my collective group, just in case it is short lived)
you can handle it if that is what happens.

Answer 9

Sweetie...as my mother AND daughters tell me....once you stop looking, God will drop the perfect man in your lap! I still seem to be looking, even after 10 years....but have recently given up and decided to just wait and see.

Like you, I seem to always choose the wrong one, doing just what you do by building him up, only to be hurt deeply in the end.

Maybe we need to form a "group" on yahoo....and spend time getting OUR lives comfortable, fun and happy...making it for women who ONLY live for themselves and families...once the man of their dreams, a blessing from God drops in their laps, they have to leave the group!

Hey, it's an idea! I have LOADS of men friends...but none I want to be with forever....maybe one day....

And I understand about considering children....I've raised my daughters on my own for 10 years now, but didn't date until a few years ago when my youngest turned 13. I figured my place in the evenings and on weekends was with them, so I was out of the loop longer than you. Take care of that baby boy...and in doing so, you WILL be blessed, as I was with MY girls. :)

ADDED: wildspirit, I couldn't have said it better myself! GREAT ANSWER! :)

Answer 10

Maybe you are trying too hard. Next time, go slow, do not let your imagination fool you. Stay focused on knowing him well, not idealizing him.

Finding someone is just so demanding on one's energy, be at it yes, but take it slow.

Be safe