My daughter (10) cant seem to make friends, do I try to intervene?

Question

She is very sweet, yet smart to a fault almost. She pushes her knowledge onto others, and it can be a bit much at times. She has never really
had a friend and we just moved.This all doesnt seem to bother her a bit, it is killing me.

Answer 1

It sounds like she has aspergers syndrome. If this is the case, friendships will never be that important or easy for her. Find her another bright aspie to hang with, they might just hit it off great.

Answer 2

Even tho she doesn't say so, it bothers her.
My nephew is very, very smart, and can carry a conversation better than many adults, (he's 10 also).
He corrects other children, and is known to tattle alot also.
Last month he asked me what he could do to make other kids play with him in school, as he has no friend longer than a day or two. His mother had no idea that he had a problem making or keeping friends.
I told him honestly that to have a friend, he had to BE a friend
We talked for quite a while, and he seemed to understand that only he could fix this.
My Sister-in-law is attempting to enroll him in some extra-curricular activities, and he started counseling also; his pediatrician's suggestion.

Answer 3

The key here: "doesn't seem to bother her a bit." Leave it alone. She's like Hermione Granger; she'll get along with one or two people, but the rest will resent her knowledge and the fact that she shows it off. She may moderate that once her teachers start saying things like, "Well, does anyone besides Miss Granger know?" I used to have teachers tell me not to bother putting up my hand, because they knew that I knew the answer every time. So then they'd catch me with a blank look (the ONE time I didn't have a clue) and call on me then. It's just like that for the bright ones.

Answer 4

ya i think this is a serious problem which should be dealt with immediately
you know at some part of time even i was unable to make friend and still have problems making more
although your daughter may not feel it as a problem but later shell fell lonely in her teens may be.this can cause depression later on
when she grows old she might find it very difficult to make friend
at this time when she is not that old she can be easily taught anything
i think you should teach her the art of making friends and how to make people with less knowledge then her more comfortable with her
may consult a child phycatrist

put her in some play group near your house where she gets to interact with other children .i think this will surely help
ALL THE BEST TO YOU
I WILL PRAY FOR YOUR WELL BEING

Answer 5

I think you should try to casualy mention you can take her and some kids to an amusment park, or she can have a party, or an outing like that. If she still resists, give it time, as much as it may not seem like it it is pretty unusual(@ least in Middle School) to be a complete 'loner'. Im in HS now, but In middle school I was pretty popular but I'd always try to make friends in a class with someone by them-selves or who looked lonely. As odd as it sounds you daughted will probably start to get approached by new kids, or other lonely kids at school and they'll become friends. If in time it doesnt approve try inrolling ehr in some non-school after school activitied she'll be interested in. Instead of soccer maybe somethign having to do with her smarts..? Best Of Luck

Answer 6

Perhaps you can gently let her know that people who act like they know it all don't have many friends and why. Meanwhile, it wouldn't hurt to contact another mother with a daughter near the same age, hopefully in your neighborhood, and arrange a play date.

Watch and listen closely to make sure neither of them acts 'bossy' toward the other or always has to have their way. A few pointers on playmate etiquette might prove helpful too.

Relax, more than likely she'll make friends when she's ready. If not, you can always take her to a therapist to make sure there's nothing bothering her at the root level.

Answer 7

That's a hard one, how can you intervene? If its not bothering her, be wary of pushing your own expectations on to her. I know what its like to be a brainbox and have people riducule you for it, my childhood was a bit like that. The best thing you could do would be to find her an activity where she can meet likeminded kids, when she sees other kids who "know it all" she's going to learn one of two things, 1) kids that are always right are kind of annoying (I know I was, although I didn't know it until I met others like me, my sister also later told me that it was so annoying when I said "did you know..." and I was always right) or 2) she will learn that people will insist they are right even when she knows they're not, but its no use trying to change their opinion because they think they are right. Other than that she may, in time learn to "dumb" herself down, but by the sounds of it she's not interested in doing that.
Better to find her an activity where she meets other kids who function at her intellectual level. There's plenty of ways of doing that through science clubs or whatever interests her. Creative outlets such as short films (video), music, &c are always good.

Answer 8

Well, you can tell her that its ok to have "sleep overs", and invite some kids from school...

Or, when its her birthday, you can toss a party, by bringing cake and cookies and sodas and koolaide to school, (providing her birthday is on a school day and not summer vacation).

You can volunteer to be a home room Mother, so that the kids will get to know you and will feel comfortable around you and think that your daughter has the "coolest Mom", and want to get to know her...

(That is just some of the "sneaky ways" of getting your child in good with others, with out her actual involvement or protests)...

I wish you well..

Jesse

Answer 9

I never made friends. I'm 20 years old and still have no friends. I don't want them! It's just not important to me. Knowledge, reading, writing, self-discovery: these are important to me. I consider myself to be my best friend. Always have.

If it doesn't seem to bother her, Don't intervene. Don't worry about it. Either she will make friends on her own, or she will not.

My mother tried to "make" me make friends. She sent me to three different bible camps in one summer, at ten years old. I hated it, and did not make a single friend.

Don't let it "kill" you. She's probably just fine with her situation.

Now, if she's exibiting anti-social behavior (as in, being genuinely ugly towards others, destructive, physically harmful or intensely rude), you might look into talking to her pediatrician.

But really, there's some children out there that just don't play well with others.

Answer 10

10 seems to be a very transitional age for some children, they are leaving their childish ways and discovering their personalities. I would'nt have an intervention with your daughter, because you will make her feel awkward. Play dates are always a fantastic way of introducing children, if you don't know anyone with children, try some afterschool activities, and get her excited about them, she could end up making friends faster than you think.

Don't be one of those parents that get too involved in school activities, you will be interfering too much. Remember that school is her world, not yours. You don't belong. Secondly; I can't stress this enough, whatever you do for your daughter, put yourself in her shoes, and remember your relationship with your parents at her age; you will be suprised with the results.

Answer 11

As long as it doesn't seem to bother her I wouldn't worry about it to much. Once school start's again she should have an easier time making friends. But if she is a constant "smart ***" to other kids you might want to talk to her about it. At age 10 she is old enough To understand.