My boyfriend and I have been fighting for our relationship to stay together. He finally told his mother that he loves me and wants to be with me for the rest of my life. She is another religion, than I am. She thinks because I am american, I will divorce him & leave him on the street, so we should not marry, plus we are different religions. So today, when he told her how he felt about me, she said, no I don't want you with anyone, or her, she said because of all of this stress about marrying and the relationship, she had a heart attack and told him it is his fault she did-how unfair is that huh, & she lives across the world in Kosovo. Anyway, his idea is to have a baby, to make them accept it. We both really want one anyway, because we feel ready, & we have always wanted a child. We have been together almost 2 years. We love each other a whole lot & can't imagine being apart. He is being pulled in 2 ways, & feels us having a baby is the only way to make them accept it.
2006-07-14 20:13:14 · 16 answers · asked by Tracy L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If he is too chicken to stand up to his mother and say he wants to marry you then are you sure you want him?
What makes you think she'll accept you once you have a baby or your baby for that matter?
Sorry to answer your question with questions but that's really all I can do for such a question as this. Children are to be cherished not be the solution to a problem.
2006-07-14 20:15:36 · answer #1 · answered by emily 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tracy, Tracy, Tracy, Stop and think for a minute. A baby is not the answer. The mother will dislike you more and the baby saying you trapped her son. A baby should not be a bargaining chip for acceptance of a mother in a different country. If your boyfriend can't cut the apron strings and expects you to have a baby to get married then neither of you are ready for marriage. He has to make a decision to follow his heart and marry you or to go home to mama. You will be an unwed single mother raising a child alone or a married couple with a child and both of you will resent each other. He will lose his family and you will lose your youth. It is a lose lose situation. Go to College, date other guys and don't waste your life trying to get acceptance from a mother
who has a son who wants you to have a baby so she will accept you. She will continue to manipulate her son with fake heart attacks and he will continue to be manipulated. You will regret it every day of your life because you are making a choice to please someone who doesn't want her son to marry an American. If you are serious, change your religion and move to Kosova to take care of his mother and win her over get married and then have a baby. You have a baby without marriage and she will never accept you.
2006-07-14 20:37:49 · answer #2 · answered by duelpers 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you? Dont do anything that will jeapordize your future. I know it may seem like a great idea, get married, have a baby and run off. Lets say you do that. You and your guy get married and start a life together. Now you have a baby. You are both not yet ready to have kids. I have been wanting kids since 8th grade but Im glad I never went for it. Try working with babies and kids first, it will change your mind. Dont use a baby as a tool to try to patch things up, the baby ultimately pays the price. Think about it
2006-07-14 20:17:38 · answer #3 · answered by niceguy4agze 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think having a baby will help your situation. It's
hard when two religions are involved but if you both love each other as you say then he should be willing to stand
strong with his feelings towards you against his family without causing more problems. Work on that relationship, and get married if you want to be together,
then have a baby when things are more at peace.
2006-07-14 20:28:59 · answer #4 · answered by frustrated 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is so sad that this is happening to you. I just think about how bout if I was you.
If you are sure that you really love him and he really loves you, then don't let people stand in your way of happiness. It is not fair that his mother blamed her heart attack on you two, but it could of been a contribution to it. About having a baby, please be sure that you really are ready to have a baby, wake up all hours, put your life on hold for the next 18 years, I am a solo mother to a 7 week old, and sometimes I feel that I miss the old me, but hey it's my responsibility, a baby is not something you can't just give up when you don't want to deal with it anymore, but if you both feel you are ready, please do it for this reason - not to make his mother accept you two together. Would you beable to let us know how old you both are too, that would really make a big difference...
2006-07-14 20:23:26 · answer #5 · answered by huneebubz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are creating a situation where a child is being born wih a type of job, which is to keep your relationship together and to promote a happier extended family. I dont think that you should have a child under these condiditons. If you and he are sincsre and committed enough then you will always be together, regardleess of the child. Having a child is a BIG deal and your life will be changed forever. You will be "tied" to your partner for life, this is the only commitment that supercedes marriage in alot of ways.
2006-07-14 20:21:10 · answer #6 · answered by jonese00 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having a child is not a bandaid and is not going to fix your relationship. I would say get married first, and then try and patch things up with your bf's mother. Think about it this way- if you got pregnant and your bf decided to give in to his mom, you would be stuck with a kid and no bf. Get married if you both love each other so much. See where it goes from there. Again, having a child will not fix things.
2006-07-14 20:18:59 · answer #7 · answered by ms mystery 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is not a bright move...Let see have a bay to make things better, hmmmm were have i heard that one before. Your BF needs to grow some nads, he does not have to do, if he is of legal age what his mother says...He is not marrying his mother, he would be marrying you and you would be his family. I would hope you two talking about a baby plan on getting married. Just leave the future MIL out of whats going on with you two, you can not and will not make her like or love you. You having a baby will not fix this, it may make it worse. Live your lives and leave her out of it.
2006-07-14 20:24:41 · answer #8 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, how old are the two of you? If you are of legal and consenting age, then do the right thing and get married first. I know it is difficult when you are in a relationship where religion is a factor, but having a child out of wedlock is not abiding by any religion that I am aware of.
2006-07-14 20:22:50 · answer #9 · answered by bratchild 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you two love each other its your decision not your parents your the ones that will be living together not your parents but a baby isnt an excuse so give that a while but dont feel bad if you two love each other you deserve to be together and i kinda know how your feeling (my girlfriends dad has cried at the thought of her marrying into my family -.-) but you do what you think is right
(excuse my spelling if its wrong im too lazy to use the spell check)
2006-07-14 20:22:01 · answer #10 · answered by josh 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋