Why do alot of woman who breastfeed condemn those of us who don't? Before my son was born I educated myself

Question

very well on breastfeeding and just thought that of course I would do it. Feeding was actually very easy for my son right from the start..he had no problems. However, I was surprised to find that I hated it. I still stuck it out thinking I would get used to it and it would be fine. I was wrong. After several weeks it got to the point where I hated the thought of feeding my son. I recieved support from several people, including professionals, but I hated it so bad that I actually started to resent my son and wish that I had never had a child. It didn't hurt, i produced lots of milk but I just hated it! I certianly didn't feel like we were bonding.Finally I decided to try bottle feeding.Within days we were both happier. My son is now 14 months old and he is extremely healthy and happy.Why do breastfeeding advocates think they have any kind of right to tell someone else what is the best for them and their child?Do they think we are stupid and need them to make our decisions for us?

Answer 1

You're on the right path.

I breastfed all three of my children and never regretted it. However, I'm not in your home and I can't place my values on you or your situation.

Now that you know that, you hit on perhaps the most important clue in your question:

You are your child's own best expert. There are plenty of people out there with experience, but no one who knows you or your son so well.

Thumbs up for you figuring it out. You found a way to love and nurture your son that felt right, and you're both happier for the experience. I have also studied the research. Most of the concerns of bottle feeding come from women in third world countries who fill bottles with water just down the river from the cattle. In a first world country with clean water, you don't have that issue. Bottle feeding is a lot more convenient now than ever, especially with those little packets of powder that come pre-measured. What could be more convenient?

Just keep that in mind when it comes to potty training, reading, and **yipes!** one day driving a car. Read what the experts advise and tailor it to your own experiences and knowledge. You'll know best.

Answer 2

First of all, I will be one of the first to tell you that breastfeeding is one of the best things you can do for your baby. Especially for the first 6 weeks. The first 6 weeks of milk is the very best because your baby gets immunities from you. However, I will also tell you that no one should condemn you for not wanting to breastfeed your baby. I was a breastfeeding consultant for the WIC program in my area for years. I tried to educate new moms and even experienced moms on the values of breastfeeding and would try to get them to consider it and hopefully get them to give it a try. However, I would never condemn them if they didn't want to do it. I did have some moms that didn't want to breast feed, but for the good of their baby, they did pump for the first 6 weeks and mixed that with the formula and gave it to their baby. There was not problem with that.
Thy key is "bonding." You said you weren't bonding with your baby. It is probably because you felt like you were being tied down. A lot of women will feel that way. You were smart to do what you felt was right for you. Bless you for trying to stick it out. You gave it more that a fair try. I'm sorry you had an unpleasant experience with it, especially with other breastfeeding advocates. They make those of us who are somewhat decent look bad. Don't rule out breastfeeding altogether. You might have a different experience with your next child (if you have more children). I breastfed 3. Each was a different experience.
I could write a book.
Blessings to you. I say, Just enjoy your baby. Sounds to me like you're doing a great job. You know what is best for the 2 of you! Keep up the good work!

Answer 3

Any breastfeeding is better than none at all. I absolutely can't understand the women who refuse to even TRY to do it. Even if they'd just give their baby's the colostrum while they are in the hospital, that would be a HUGE benefit. IMO, refusing to even TRY when there is no medical reason not to do it is selfish.

It's the healthiest choice a mother can make for her self and her baby, but unfortunately it doesn't always work. Our society is a HUGE part of that. If we lived in a society where it was considered normal then I bet women would have a lot less problems nursing.

Answer 4

I breastfed both of my children. When I was asked for my opinion on it, I would tell people I thought it was best, and why. When I was asked for advice by women who wanted to nurse but were having problems, I gave my advice.

When I was not asked for either of these things, I kept my opinion to myself.

Yes, breast milk is best, but that does not mean that if you give your child formula you are some sort of evil child abuser or anything.

I gave up my career to be a stay at home mom, and I nursed both my kids. My sister works full time (in a steel mill no less), and she used bottles - and guess what - we are BOTH good mothers who did (and are still doing) what is best for our own individual families.

As to why you get condemned - I think a lot of it might be that whole - the best defense is a good offense thing, because nursing women are bombarded on a constant basis by society about how horrible they are for nursing their babies (how can you be sure they're eating enough, to how dare you nurse in public, to even being told one time that by nursing I was denying my husband the chance to bond while giving my baby a bottle and that was selfish!) So - I think when many nursing women meet a woman who did not, or who, in your case, tried it and decided against it, they might be feeling that YOU are judging THEM, and they just decide to get the first blow in, so to speak...

It's not right, but I would bet that's probably a lot of the reason.

Answer 5

I feel ya there! I could not breastfeed, being anemic, I could not produce milk, for some odd reason. I tried when I had my first child, but I couldn't do it. When he was three days old he was starving to death, I had to try a bottle and formula, it made both of us happier. I had a home health care nurse come to my house right after I started bottle feeding, she reemed me a new one because I was not breastfeeding, she forced me to breastfeed my son in my own home! I'm still mad, nine years later, about that. But my mom came in and told me after that nurse left that I was this child's mother and it was solely my decision on how I fed him, and that no matter what other people said, it's my choice. I gave my son his bottles and formula. Good thing too because later I learned he had allergies and had to be put on a special formula for babies with allergies. Then six years later I had my second baby, I knew I could not breast feed and I was not going to go through that scenario again, so I told my ob/gyn when he asked me about feeding, that I was formula feeding this baby. He reemed me to, but I just ignored him. Same thing last year when I had baby number three. I just choose to ignore those types of people, because there are many reasons why women don't breastfeed, that's why there is formula! So those types of obnoxious, breastfeeding is best people can kiss my tailpipe! Now I do commend women who can and do breastfeed, I think it's great, don't get me wrong, but they also need to lay off on those of us who don't. Maybe we can't because of medical reasons, or premature babies, or in your case just don't like it. Whatever the reason, does not matter, they just need to back off and quit preaching to us about breastfeeding! Just be thankful we are feeding our babies!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

If you didn't like breastfeeding that much, then it's benefits did not outweigh the costs. Breast milk is best, and I pumped more often than I breast fed because my baby was so small. However, advanced formulas are just fine and won't hurt the baby in any way.

And on any issue, the righteous will always consider those who disagree with them too stupid to make their own decisions. They would probably want to redecorate your kitchen and make you eat different foods too.

Answer 7

I havent even had my baby yet, im 37 weeks and the doctor, WIC,and family members are already putting pressure on me and hassling me about breastfeeding. Its pretty annoying!!! I understand that breastfeeding is the best thing i could give my baby, but what if i just dont feel comfortable with the whole idea?
The baby is not gonna die if i give him formula, JEEEZ!!!!!!!

Answer 8

I agree ! -
Don't know why woman who breastfeed like to compare bottle feeding to breastfeed. Of course brest feed is better than letting your child drink formula milk, but cases like mine where I only produce little milk, I have no choice. I'm very angry when those woman keep nagging that I should breastfeed my baby. I tried to ignore them but they just can't stop comparing...

Answer 9

Not all are like that, and I resent the implication. I'm a breastfeeding mom, but I could care less what you feed your kid.

Answer 10

I've breast fed both my children and had no problems. What I don't understand in your case is why did you do it? No one put a gun to your head and told you "you better breast feed or else!" You should have stop when you found out you didn't like to do it.