Can anyone give good quotes?

Question

eg: Reality is an illusion created by alcoholic deficiency."
"Trust in God, but lock your car."
Given a conflict, Murphy's law supercedes Newton's."

I need a few more, the best one gets 10 points

Answer 1

"A friend in need is a pest indeed."

"Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism."

"Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce."

"Work is a fine thing if it doesn't take too much of your spare time."

"It's not an optical illusion, it just looks that way."

"A leading authority is someone lucky who guessed right."

"Hard work never killed anybody...but why take chances?"

"I had an IQ test. The results came back negative."

"Life is cheap. It's the accessories that kill you."

"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs louder."

"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense."

"To err is human, to forgive is against company policy."

"Smile, it makes people wonder what you're thinking."

"If an experiment works, something has gone wrong."

"If at first you don't succeed...forget skydiving.

"Love thine enemies...it really pisses them off."

"A steak a day keeps the cows dead."

"Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child.
She must befound and stopped."

"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it."

"All that glitters has a high refractive index."

"Three can keep a secret, if two are dead."

"Behind every successful man stands a woman waiting for his job."

"A bird in the hand is the best way to eat chicken."

"Money talks...but all mine ever says is good-bye."

"Adolescence is when children start bringing up their parents."

"The problem with reality is the lack of background music."


"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal ideas from many is research."

"Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."


"Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least."

"An archaeologist is a man whose career lies in ruins."

"Astronomers say the universe is finite, which is a comforting thought for those people who can't remember where they leave things."


She's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out.

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.

Answer 2

A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

-DragonflyBlade21 (i dont know the real identity)

Answer 3

The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing.

Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out.

Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, nor hell a fury like a woman scorned.

real eyes realize real lies.

A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.

All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move.

Answer 4

"This fortune cookie is made of egg, flour, water, and sugar. It comes from a plant in Los Angeles, CA. This piece of paper is made of pulverized wood pulp and red ink. The lottery numbers on the back do not apply in state you live in. Good luck and have a nice day! Enjoy!" - A Not So Ancient Chinese Proverb. ;)

Answer 5

When you're going through hell, keep going. Winston Churchhill
Don't piss on my boots and tell me it's raining. West Texas
He's smiling like a horse eating briars. Mississippi
She's so ugly that she'd make a freight train take a dirt road.
Don't ever, ever, ever, ever give up.
A big shot is just a little shot that kept shootin'

Answer 6

A few quotes from Rumi:

"What hurts you blesses you. Darkness is your candle. Your boundaries are your quest"

"Quietness is the surest sign that you've died"

"Finally I know the freedom of madness"



And then, of course, there is the Immortal Homer (Simpson, that is):

"MMMMM....forbidden doughnut.....sacralicious"

Answer 7

An OPEN MIND collects more than an OPEN PURSE.

I have remembered this one since elementary school that I read in Readers Digest.

Answer 8

"Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock." - Will Rogers

"It's not the mean in my life that count, it's the life in my men."
Mae West

"Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker."
Ogden Nash

Answer 9

A true adventurer goes forth, Aimless and uncalculating to meet and greet unknown fate.

Answer 10

Small things amuse small minds, so do large things amuse large minds? And if so, how small or large is your thing and how small or large is my mind? Coz I'm amused by you.

It's the bubbles of nothing, that really make it something when they rick-a-shey ( even spell check couldn't help me with that one )of your brain. Brainfarts. :)