What should I have done?

Question

My hubby and I went to a restaurant in our neighborhood, the busboy kept coming around and saying hi to my 4yr old and touching her on her arm and side. This of course annoyed us, my hubby was seated next to her so I told him that if something like that ever happens again she should hug her and hold her close to him letting the person know (stay away). He came around again and continued making small talk only to her. We had to move her from where she she was and seat her where behind us was a booth with a family eating. But as soon as they left he started cleaning the area and offered her ketchup. Any idiot can see the kids plates came with a little bowl of ketchup, I kept saying NO! and he waved it in front of her making her reach out for it. My hubby got up to the buffet and the busboy immediately came and put his knee on the place next to her, I got up and shoved him away. I reported this to the mgr, who then called out to the busboy & the waiter, came back did not even apologize.

my 4yr old was also with us, and as we were walking out the busboy crossed our path with a stupid grin and kept saying goodbye. They made us feel like we had done something wrong. Should I have made a police report?

Answer 1

Nothing sets me off more than people messing with my kids. Your situation got my blood boiling just reading about it! Would this qualify as harassment? Could the guy sue you for pushing him? Not sure. I would talk to my lawyer and get his advice. At the very least I would write a letter to the company. Unfortunately there are pediphiles everywhere, so I say let this make you extremely aware and less tolerant in the future. Be sure and educate your daughter starting now about "inappropriate behavior" from both strangers AND people she knows besides Mommy & Daddy. You can't always control other people, but you can help your daughter identify inappropriate behavior when you aren't around.

Answer 2

I'm not sure about the police report, but it sounds creepy to me, as well. I would definitely send a written letter to the owner detailing the busboy's behavior, never frequent that restaurant again and pass on the word to others, especially if you find out that the owner did nothing. I guess I would have gotten up and left, but it is hard to say until faced with that kind of uncomfortable situation.

Answer 3

I think you may have overreacted. But, as I wasn't there, I couldn't really make the call without knowing more. It actually sounds innocent enough, there's a million reasons why he could've been acting like that. I'll even give you a few...

1) His newlywed wife and he have been discussing having a baby, and he wants to get some practice at dealing with children.
2) He comes from one of those huggy touchy families, and that's the way everyone is in his family.
3) He's an idiot, that likes kids.
4) He's been told he's good with kids (even though he's not), and he's trying to flaunt it.
5) He actually is good with kids, but had a lot on his mind, and didn't come off looking very good to you.
6) He's attracted to you, and wanted to show you how good he is with children.
7) He's attracted to your husband, and wanted to ... blah blah blah, same thing as #6.
8) He works at the daycare you bring her to, and she didn't recognize him in the paper hat he has to wear as a busboy.

There is also the possibility that he's a pedophile (although I can't imagine what his strategy was, seeing that the two of you were right there watching him, or the more remote possibility that he's a cannibal that's partial to eating children. OK, that wasn't funny, but you get my point.

Unless I miss my guess, he really didn't to anything illegal, immoral, or even really weird, except that he showed a lot of interest in your daughter, and wouldn't leave her alone.

I'm quite sure if he'd actually done anything illegal or immoral, you or your husband would have stood up and decked him.

My guess, is that the guy is just an idiot, and every subtle hint you gave, simply went right over his head.

If it were me, and subtle hints just weren't working, I'd take him aside and say, "Excuse me, we'd like to eat without any interruptions now." Polite, and yet... blunt.

Answer 4

You shouldn't have been so passive in the first place. You should have told the busboy immediately upon the first offense that you're trying to teach your daughter not to speak to strangers (and that his attention was unbecoming, and making you as a parent uncomfortable), and you would appreciate that he not do so again. If he did it a second time after your warning/request, then you should have immediately contacted the manager and left the restaurant.

Answer 5

Mom, listen to your instincts! This sounds completely wrong. You should make your concerns known to the manager of the restaurant. If the manager does not respond in a way that suits you, start climbing the food chain until you get a response.

Check with your local police department to see if this person has a record, or if you can register a complaint about what happened. From your description, it sounds like he has done stuff like this before and knows just how far he can push things.

Answer 6

This is totally inappropriate behavior and I would contact the owner of the restaurant, not just the manager. I don't know if the police can really do anything, but it's worth a shot. I would also let the people at the restaurant know that you are doing so. Maybe that will wake them up!

Answer 7

I don't think that calling the police would have resulted in anything being done. I would suggest that you never return to that restaurant again, and I would also call the manager again and report the behavior of his employee to him again. Next I would call the corporate headquarters and report to them as well as maybe write a letter to the local newspaper. The negative publicity in the public forum section of the newspaper will serve as a harsh reminder to the restaurant that this behavior is inappropriate from any person in their employment and it will hurt them in the wallet. Also, your husband failed in his responsibilities as a father and husband. He should have taken a more aggressive position without invoking violence of course. Lastly both you and you husband should have also corrected your daughter not to talk to strangers in front of this person, without being to rep remanding toward her. I would also suggest that you call the manager and tell them that you are demanding that this employee be fired for his disrespect toward a customer.

Answer 8

THAT WOULD'VE MADE ME SO MAD!!!! I don't blame you. The stupid busboy was so persistant. It's creepy!!! And it pisses me off that you were telling him no about the ketchup and he kept waving it in front of her. I wouldn't file a police report, but I would definately contact the owner or area supervisor. Something obviously needs to be done about that psycho!!!!!!!

Answer 9

not to scare you or anything, but there are child predators that look like regular citizens. he could have just been really nice and oblivious to how he was portraying himself to you, as well. but i would have been weirded out as well. my child is a year old and is very thin. you can count his vertibrea when he sits up straight, but he eats everything in the world. he eats 6 times a day. and people still say things like "boy, he isnt pushed away from the table" or "you can tell he doesnt miss a meal" and i dont understand because hes as skinny as a rail. so people do put their feet in their mouths.. and people do act strange. so its nothing new. but with you having a little girl, i completly understand how aware you were of the situation. if that was me and my husband, he would have said something to the guy and probably started a fight, hah, so you did it in a very mannered way. just keep your eye out and remember, noone will stand up completly for your own child except yourself. way to go mom!

Answer 10

You should have immediately told him that you didn't want him touching your daughter. If he did it again I would have immediately called the manager over. You should try to contact the district manager or the owner and report what happened. Always go to the top of the chain.