Need help making a decision, serious answers only please!?

Question

My now ex just got out of 6 month rehab in end of May & moved to new city to escape bad influences & is living with his aunt... started in AA down there & 12 step program in aunts church.. told me he had made some good friends... well for 6 weeks after he moved he told me how much he wanted us back together, loved me, talked on phone, cell, email and text. We have been in love for 5 years, where engaged but broke off when found out he was alcoholic... well he sent me text saying I love you on Monday then I sent him email Tuesday, no word for 7 days, then finally he calls says he has been with a friend in hospital... Ok, then says he sort of seeing her, he's confused not sure what he is feeling... I freak & say ok & hang up, send him text say we need to talk, he says he loves her & she is his girlfriend.. that his love changed & he loves me as a friend and doesn't have to tell me anything about his life, don't call she has his phone etc... I say ok & goodbye. then he sends me

the following 3 emails
#1-My dearest Kristina,
Just because I am moving on in my life down here does not mean that I am dissapearing from your life. I still love you, for who you are, and care for you, but if you wanted me to be happy, I think that you would be happy for me if you knew that I was happy. I always told you I wanted you to be happy no matter what, or who with. I am still your freind, in whatever capacity I can do that with. You are never far away from me, in heart. I just hope to someday know that you are happy as well, you have been sad for so long, and I want that to change for you. I think you know that I care deeply for you, and always will.
Love,Joe
#2I hope you are ok. I have been thinking alot about you. Drop me a line when you can, if you feel like it.
Love,Joe
#3I pray to God that you are ok, Kristina. I saw your auto reply at work. Drop me a line to let me know you are ok. I am worried about you very much.
Love,Joe

sent me these 3 emails over next 3 days after he told me about her.. he said he was happy and had what he wanted... so why did he send me these emails... he wants to be friends.. I can't do that and listen to him talk about her.... I said goodbye and then he sends me these... what is up with that... I didn't respond and haven't heard more... what is up.... was I wrong not to right him back and tell him I am hurting like hell but basically okay... any opinions would help
Thanks

could he really fall out of love with me and in love with her in a few days??? that is the part that gets me and I don't understand... and is driving me crazy

Answer 1

Being the wife,girlfriend, or just friend of someone with an addiction is a tough spot anyway you look at it. They will go through some rough times and being supportive is some times very trying. If he says he has moved on .. found someone else .. and wants to be friends,maybe you should consider yourself the lucky one. I am not telling you it's easy to do, but hopefully less hurtful for you in the long run. Who knows what tomorrow holds ... possibly the perfect person "just" for you. Good luck and I hope the best for you.

Answer 2

First off, you had been in love for 5 years and had gotten engaged to a guy that u didn't know was an alcoholic, what were u doing for those 5 years. How do u hide something like that for 5 years.
It's a bad idea to hide your feelings for any reason. Tell him how u feel. Tell him that if he wants you to be happy like he said in the first message, then leave that girl he is with and come back to u. And that those 5 years you were happier then then you have ever been since.
Listen to your heart. It sounds like you already know what you have to do. Go shut down the computer and run to him girl. If you don't then you may loose him forever and the next message will be an invitation to his wedding.

Answer 3

My brother also got out of a rehab program---1 year ago, and in the last month started drinking again. He is the father of 4. (20 yr. old with down syndrome, 14 yr. old girl, and 6 year old twins) put it this way, once a problem, always a problem. They become sober and decide they want to change, but it's not always for the best. My suggestion to you is keep the peace, be a friend, but move on with your life. Good luck.

Answer 4

AA is just another form of addiction, and it's like a cult - it's designed to get you off of the drugs and alcohol, but it isn't designed to get you right with the world - it requires you to make AA your life.

Your guy is far away and is now emotionally vulnerable, because AA tries to get you to feel unworthy, so that you have to turn to AA to keep your life straight. He is looking for something to attach to emotionally, so that he can work for something and take his mind off the booze. That attachment should be you, and he knows this, but you aren't there and someone else (probably also in rehab) is looking for the same thing, so they could be getting close emotionally.

If this guy wants to kick the booze, AA is a bad choice. He needs to build a new life without the booze and with a steady partner, and get his life back together.

You need to go to him, get him out of AA, and help him get it together on his own, or he will always be a slave to AA and its self-abusive mindset.

Answer 5

My motto for you is that life goes on! IF he has moved on, you go ahead and do the same. I know that it is easier said than done, but it can be done. Take it one day at a time. Next time he text, let him know you're fine and to stop keeping in touch with you. The last thing you need is to talk to him everyday, if you are trying to get over him. If you want to be friends, just get a contact number and get in touch with him on your own time. Start the friendship when you are sure it will go on as no more than friends on your behalf. If he says that he is happy, let him be happy. Everyone deserves happiness(even you). Go out and find your happiness!!!

Answer 6

Wow!!! I think the best thing for you to do is FORGET ABOUT HIM!! really! I mean let's face it //"BE FRIENDS" there is no being friends, it's impossible...unless you have kids with him , well then you know just deal with him that way as the dad of Ur kids....IF THERE IS NO KIDS..Then forget him,,,,You know>? Maybe he wants to know whats up with you, he wants for you to 'drop him a line" so he can know about YOU and have some sort of control over YOU.....so don't write back I mean want can you tell him?
How is your new girlfriend ? , how is she on bed? NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Forget that...Be brave and you will find someone else as soon as u think.....

Answer 7

He just wants to know that you are ok. He's worried that he hurt you so bad. Lots of guys wouldn't even give a crap and just go along their merry way.

If you feel up to it you could just drop him a reply saying that you are doing ok but that you are heartbroken and need time to heal.

I hope you feel better soon.

Answer 8

honey you need to move on. he just wants to keep you around in case his new fling doesnt work out so that he can have someone to fall back on. you dont wanna be that girl do you? im sorry for your loss but you should start looking for a new guy that wont forget who loves him even after 5 years of drugs.

Answer 9

You need to love yourself first. I know love hurts sometimes. But we can grow and learn from life or we can let it stomp on us. You need to say this to yourself.( I am the best) (I deserve to be respected and loved.) (I am a confident woman that will find the right man.) (I will not be played.) Move on love and find the right man this is not him.

Answer 10

Tell him you are fine and wish him all the happiness in the world. He sounds a little crazy and you need to let him go.