He and I have dated for over 5 years and I have never been to any event with his ex-wife. Apparenlty she can be really selfish and act out ,regardless of the situation or where she is. So I decided a year ago that unless we met under other circumstances I wouldn't go to the wedding. I wanted the bride and groom to enjoy their day and not have to worry about what her Mom might do because I was there. My boyfriend is really upset, but like I told him he had a year to work it out. He thought we could go to the rehersal dinner the night befor the wedding and then it would all be ok. Several family members warned me about the ex and agreed that it was best I didn't go. He told me that I was ruining the wedding for him. Is he an idiot? I refused to go because I thought it was best. I was trying to be nice and not selfish. Was it the right thing for me to to do?
2006-07-14 14:35:04 · 10 answers · asked by theresa b 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
yes, he was an idiot. He needs to realize that they day is about the bride and groom and no one else. If you not going will be a better situation than going and possibly causing his ex to make a scene, than I would politely tell the happy couple that while you are very happy for them and wish them all the happiness in the world, you will not be attending their wedding so that the bride's mother will not feel uncomfortable. And you should tell your boyfriend that he should be thankful he is so lucky to have such an understanding and compassionate girlfriend. Many in your place would not take in account the ex's feelings.
2006-07-14 14:44:55 · answer #1 · answered by meggiek97 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The wedding is the bride and groom's day, and your decision was based on that. I know that your boyfriend wants you with him, and that is a normal reaction, but if his ex will throw a fit in the church or at the reception, it will ruin the day for everyone else. You didn't make this decision out of selfish reasons. I'm sure that you would rather go and celebrate his daughter's happiness with him, but I think that you have made the right decision.
2006-07-14 14:41:50 · answer #2 · answered by mightymite1957 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Clearly, you and your boyfriend need to communicate better. He shouldn't be thinking this or that. He should be talking it over with you.
You can't ruin the wedding for him since the wedding wasn't for him. It was for his daughter. He needs to be less selfish and grow up.
You did the right thing. You gave him a year to work out the situation and become comfortable with it. Supposedly, he explained the situation to his daughter and she understood. It isn't fair to make her pick. Your opting to not go was a very kind jesture if it resulted in the ex (her mother!) not ruining the wedding.
To show your joy for his daughter's wedding, send them flowers, money for dinner or something special for them while on their honeymoon.
2006-07-14 14:39:38 · answer #3 · answered by Plasmapuppy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's nice of you to not want to ruin the day for the bride and groom. Is there a way you could attend, but not appear to be who you are? hang out with other people you know and not your boyfriend? that way you'd get to share the day and maybe the ex wouldn't figure it out. Good Luck
2006-07-14 14:59:56 · answer #4 · answered by K S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what part of ex do u not get now if his daughter wants u there u should go & enjoy yourself & if the girls mom cant respect that then maybe she neesd 2 stay home & as far as your man dont leave it up 2 him to work it out u need 2 do that on your own call the ex and find out what she wants she might not b so bad after all good luck
2006-07-14 14:49:19 · answer #5 · answered by jacci mcann 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have gone if you were invited. Who says you would have had to deal with the ex wife? All you would have had to do was be introduced to her as she is the girls mother. If you can't deal with the fact that he has "baggage" after 5 years then you do have a problem, especially if you plan on a future together. You are going to have to deal with his ex for as long as his daughter is alive, so you'd better get used to it now.
2006-07-14 14:41:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I guess you are right in not going to the wedding. If this is an embarassing situation for everybody, you are being altruistic by doing that.
I am sure that your boyfriend will understand that, if he really knows his ex-wife....
2006-07-14 14:44:11 · answer #7 · answered by ssuely2004 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you wanted to go you should have. If the ex acts badly , it will look bad on her , not you . Show them your bigger than that . Don't let the family boss you around and tell you what to do.
2006-07-14 14:43:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not go and talk to the daughter. Go out to dinner after their honeymoon or sumthing. Do something for them to show you care.
2006-07-14 14:41:14 · answer #9 · answered by angelsmommy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1 word yes
2006-07-14 14:40:56 · answer #10 · answered by MCLamb 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋