2006-07-14 14:28:02 · 23 answers · asked by Ray RayA 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
OSAMA WRITES TO GEORGE W.:-
After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George W. a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a coded message: 370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Colin Powell. Colin and his aides had no clue either so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it so it went to the CIA, and then to the NSA, then to the Secret Service.
With no clue as to it's meaning, they eventually asked Canada's RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) for help. The RCMP cabled the White House as follows:-
"Tell the President he is looking at the message upside down."
2006-07-27 06:12:27 · answer #1 · answered by giko 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the perfect day
The Perfect Day - Her
8:45 Wake up to hugs and kisses
9:00 5 lbs lighter on the scale
9:30 Light Breakfast
11:00 Sunbathe
12:30 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
1:45 Shopping
2:30 Run into boyfriend's/husband's ex and notice she's gained 30 lbs
3:00 Facial, massage, nap
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two and dancing
10:00 Make love
11:30 Pillow talk in his big strong arms
The Perfect Day - Him
6:45 Alarm.
7:00 Shower and massage.
7:30 B l o w j o b.
7:45 Massive dump while reading USA Today sports section.
8:15 Limo arrives, Stoli Bloody Marys.
8:30 Butler Aviation, O'Hare Field, Lear Jet to Augusta, Georgia.
9:30 Front nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
11:30 Lunch - 2 dozen oysters, 3 Heinekens.
12:30 B l o w j o b.
12:45 Back nine holes, Augusta National Golf Club.
2:30 Limo to Augusta Airport, Bombay Sapphire Martini.
3:30 Nassau, Bahamas, Afternoon fishing with all female crew (topless). Sex for each fish caught. Catch 1249 lb. Blue Marlin. Grilled tuna and steamed lobster appetizers, six Heinekens, nap.
6:15 B l o w j o b.
6:30 Lear Jet return flight, total body massage in transit.
7:30 S h i t, shower, shave.
8:00 Watch CNN Live coverage of Bill Clinton's resignation. Hillary and Al Gore are indicted in the same scandal (which involves graphic pictures and large farm animals).
9:00 Dinner at Ritz Carlton, Oysters Casino, 20 oz. Filet mignons (rare), Gorgonzola salad, Fettucini Alfredo, Chateau Lafite Rothschild 1963 (magnum) creme brute, Louis XII Cognac, Cohiba Lancero
10:30 Sex with 3 women, all from different countries
11:30 Whirlpool, steam and massage. Women quietly get dressed, hail cab and leave. Midnight B l o w j o b. Sleep
2006-07-22 05:06:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at
the crap table. A very attractive blonde
woman from the hills of NC arrives and bets
$20,000 on a single roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope y'all don't mind, but I
feel much luckier when I'm completely
nude." With that, she stripped from the
neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,
"Come on, baby, Mama needs new
clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop she jumped
up and down and squealed...
"YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her
clothes
and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know --
I thought you were watching."
Mora l - Not all rednecks are stupid and
not all blondes are dumb, but all men are
men...
2006-07-27 13:46:37 · answer #3 · answered by lil_hottie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A small girl walked into class late on the first day of school. The third grade teacher saw her come in and went over to her.
"Hello, I'm your teacher Miss Moss, What's your name?"
The little girl looked up at the teacher, smiled sweetly and answered, "Happy butt"
"No," said the teacher, "I need to know your real name so I can make sure you are in the right class"
Again the girl replied "Happy butt"
The teacher got frustrated and resorted to threatening the little girl.
"If you don't tell me your name, I'll have to send you to the principals office."
"My name is Happy Butt" The little girl insisted.
SO the teacher walked her down to the office where the principal sat her down and looked in her bag.
"It says on your school supplies that your name is Gladys"
The girl replied, "Happy Butt, Glad ***, same thing."
2006-07-28 17:33:04 · answer #4 · answered by Angela 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Four nuns were having a talk about temptation. The first one said"I found some cigarettes in the priests room and I smoked them". The 2nd nun said "I saw some liquor in the priests room and I drank it". The 3rd nun said"I saw some condoms in the priests room and I cut the tops off of them", and the 4th nun fainted!
2006-07-26 20:20:46 · answer #5 · answered by robee 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Geriatric Woman Hell's Angel
There was this geriatric woman who thought she needed some toughening to cope with today's world, and decided to join a gang.
She walked up to the Hell's Angels bikers club and tapped on the door.
"Excuse me, sirs, I'd like to join your club if you please" she croaked in her feeble voice.
A grunt came from inside, "Ha! You got no chance, woman. We only take the toughest into our club. You can only join if you drink!".
"Oh boy, do I drink! I slam a few down every night after playing pool with the boys" she croaked back.
"Oh, umm, well... you can only join if you smoke" he lied, trying to brush her off.
"Does marijuana count? Coz I don't mind a few joints after playing pool with the boys".
"Umm, I suppose it does count..." the biker said, and, thinking quick on his feet said "Look, we're a gang only for the roughest, toughest men in town. Now, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
"No," she replied, "but I've been swung around by the t-i-t-s a few times".
2006-07-14 23:54:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there was a guy driving a car and he was smoking a cigerette
and the cigerette fell into his arm and his arm caught on fire
and he rolled down the window and the cop pulled around the corner and arrested him
2006-07-27 17:12:05 · answer #7 · answered by blackknightninja 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yo momma is so fat that when she walks, her A$$ looks like 2 pigs fighting over a milk dud.
2006-07-27 15:17:53 · answer #8 · answered by Qwerty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. "Whales can't swallow people," the teacher said. "Even though they are large mammals, their throats are very small."
"But Jonah was swallowed by a whale," the little girl replied.
"That just can't be," the teacher said. "It's physically impossible."
"When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah," said the little girl.
The teacher looked down at her, smiled and asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
2006-07-28 14:20:26 · answer #9 · answered by Riz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did the signal turn red?
You'd turn red too if you changed in the middle of the street.
2006-07-27 13:16:17 · answer #10 · answered by Surf n' Snow 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋