How do I stop worrying?

Question

I am 18 years old and my mom still has control over the time I get to see my boyfriend and I constantly worry about when I do get to see him. It has worried me so much at times it brings me to tears.

I am also a high school graduate. I still don't have my driver's licensce due to my mom. She wouldn't let me get my learner's permit until I was 17.

Answer 1

There are three issues here: (1) How do you get more time with your boyfriend; (2) How do you move out from under your mother's control; (3) How do you reduce anxiety?

1) Lie. Get a job with few work hours and tell your mom you're working when you're really visiting your bf. Tell her you're going to a movie with friends.
Or you could try compromising - would she let you go out on group dates? Could you get more time with him if you did more house chores? Can you talk on the phone more with him, or via the computer? Maybe a webcam?

2) "Move out" is the answer that's easy to say - get a job and rent your own place. But if you can't or don't want to move out, talk with your mother and tell her how much her controling you is bothering you. Ask her to recognize that you are a legal adult and capable of making your own decisions. Again, see if you can compromise and take some other actions that show to her that you are responsible and safe, such as calling her every hour while out on a date.

3) To reduce your anxiety, consider talking with a counsellor or therapist - many cities have cheap or free clinics. The counsellor can suggest relaxation methods, ways of distracting yourself or reducing negative thoughts, productive ways of talking with your mother, and at a last resort s/he could prescribe medication.

Answer 2

Little lady if you want to stop worrying be like me A NUT. Thats right I am a nut I dont worry about nothing. To me life is a joke and i am part of it so why worry about anything? I dont give a rats asz what happins to me it don't make me a bit of difference because i don't care. So if you was like me then you woulden worry so much..And now you are 18 so if you want to go see someone just go and if your mom starts then tell her you ain't 8 no more your 18 and you can't keep me a little girl all my life so I am going. And then just go she will get over it. P.S...And now you can go get your learner's permit and it ain't a damn thing she can do about it your 18 now!!!!

Answer 3

I think your mum actually is too protective of you. Are you the only child at home? Your mum may have heard or seen some bad experiences that had resulted such an phobia. Every parents always want to protect their own children.
I don't know how is the relationship between you and your mum but find a opportunity and talk to her calmly. Don't let your emotion get better of you. I hope after the conversation with your mum, things will change better for you.

Answer 4

It depends on the relationship you have with your mom. You didn't give much information on that. If it's good and the lines of communication are good, let her know how you feel. Tell her you are 18, and are considered an adult and hope that she could respect that with the decisions that you make to see your boyfriend. If things aren't good with you and your mom, even though you are living under her roof and you're 18, you must respect her wishes. Good luck.

Answer 5

If the worrying is so bad that you feel that it interferes with your everyday functioning you need to see a counselor.

If it isn't so bad that it does not interfere with your everyday functioning, I would suggest planning a 10-15 minute period during your day set aside just for worrying, until you are over it.

Do not worry (easier said than done) at any other time other than your scheduled worry time.

If you're religious there is always prayer.

Answer 6

I also have worries. So, when I start to worry, I start to occupy my mind with other things, ie. get busy. Pray, exercise, help others in children's home (which I hope to do), do your homework, chat with other friends in a cafe, find some hobbies to do.
Talk it out with your mum gently and settle this issue. Even though she and you may not see eye to eye, know that she loves you very much.
Also, test the genuineness of your boyfriend's love for you. Is he out to date you and it is for fun only? Look at the way he treats his own family members and you get an idea of what kind of character he is.

Cheers! :-)

Answer 7

you have not mentioned a father so i am presuming that you are living in a daughter-mother family unit. your mother may be more worried about your boyfriend than you are. she may be controlling you because she is scared of losing you.

you, understandably, want to spread your wings and develope a sense of identity away from the family unit as you mature. discuss this with you mother and remember that even though her actions may seem selfish she loves you and will still love you after your boyfriend has gone.

Answer 8

Set up a worrying chair, and plan to worry for 15 minutes at the same time every day in the chair and only in the chair. It works.

Answer 9

You probably care for your boyfriend very much. Everybody knows what that's like. All us old folk. Have you finished school? I bet your mom just wants to see you do the best you can. Will your mom talk to you about it?

Answer 10

You dont need that. Make dinners, some stuff like that, so that your mothers spends some time with your boyfriend, and get to know him and understand that she can trust him and you. If it doesnt work or if your boyfriend doesnt want to, talk to your mother, make her trust you. If nothing works, you have to make her understand taht youre not a minor anymore, that if you want you can see him whenever you want. Im sorry, but in this cases its only like this.. good luck anyway..