My 6 year old son won't listen? Any Ideas?

Question

I feel like I am totally out of control, I've tried everything. Timeouts don't work..

Answer 1

Taking away privileges of 6 years olds get their attention real quick. Each time he gets out of control, take one of his possessions and put it in the trunk of the car. When he is good and you can see he is trying to do better, give him back one item.

Answer 2

I know how frustrating this can be. My son now 26 is mentally handicapped and there's times when he is still such a little kid. He was also told at an early age that he has ADHD. Most medicine did not work. I learned that what he drank and ate effected him in different ways, The stuff that made him crazy were eliminated. Anything that had red dye in made him really crazy. I did alot of reward programs too and found that the ones that really worked were the ones he helped set the consequences for. If he made it though each day with a smiley face then he got to do something he liked or he picked out a movie for the family. If he didn't, then he knew exactly what his consequences were because he helped set them up. As far as brushing his teeth, I got a picture from his dentist of nasty teeth and put it in the bathroom so he could see it ever day. I also took him to pick out his own tooth brush and tooth paste. That seemed to a big help. I've learned that consistancy was the key to help him be a productive adult. Now he works and is doing much better. He still lives home and probably always will. All kids are worth fighting for and even though times get really crazy don't give up. I will keep you family in my prayers.

Answer 3

Take things away. Don't buy fun things. No DVD's or video games. No TV. No friends over. Take away whatever he enjoys doing. You don't do these things all at once and not for really long times. When he misbehaves you take something away. You have to be careful though because if you take too much away for too long you'll back yourself into a corner and you'll have no place to go the next time he misbehaves. He's making you crazy but you have to remember he's only 6....what will you do when he's 10? So don't feel sorry for him and give in...you need to do this for the man you want him to become.

Answer 4

I was shocked when my son turned six, I thought the terrible two's were bad but the sassy six's were the worst! I finally started to get in the middle of whatever was happening i.e. television and saying in a calm but firm voice "I am only going to say this once and if you don't want to have something happen you don't like then you should listen starting right now" boy it helped! Make sure you have their attention and have them repeat it back!!!
Not to sound to analytical but sometimes not listening is also an attention issue and those things can really start to show up at this age; that was the case with one of my boys. If you have concerns about this then look up the signs and symptoms of ADHD.

Answer 5

You may want to hunt down a parenting class near you. I took some when my kids were little and ended up teaching them.

The short story is:
1. you have to define clear limits.
2. you have to enforce the limits EVERY SINGLE TIME
3. you have to stop misdeeds immediately, no "if you don't stop that ...."
4. you have to model good behavior
5. you have to reward good behavior

It's a long process to teach, so I'm going to make some recommendations that will help:

Get a book or two by John Rosemond (my favorite parenting guru): The Amazon link is too long to post but put his name in the Amazon search box for books and you'll find several.

Also check out this software called Easychild. It allows you to use the computer to set up a structured behavior modification program. You know, you used to see these in school - the star chart. It's a system based on points and kids earn rewards and lose privileges based on their behavior choices. It's VERY effective.

http://www.easychild.com/

And remember, your word is everything so if you want him to listen you MUST keep both your promises and threats.

Good luck.

Answer 6

You have to stick with the same punishment and be sure not to argue with him. Keep a routine going over and over again without talking to him until he's calmed down and stays in timeout. It takes patience, but if you stick to one thing only, it WILL work eventually because right now he knows that he can get away with anything around you because you probably cave in because you can't 'handle it' anymore. I've been there. Just let him know who's boss and show him that it doesn't annoy you and he will stop.

Answer 7

I have a seven year old. I have been through this. My daughter has no problems at school, but at home she thought she ran the roost. So I had to look to myself for the issues. Consistency was the problem in my home. In order to provide consistant routines, discipline, and behaviors, I had to stand firm. Believe me this sooo hard to do. Getting upset and screaming doesn't work--I tried it! I think she almost liked pushing me to the edge, because I gave in eventually. For example, If I asked her to pick up her shoes in the middle of the floor, she would ignore me as if I wasn't speaking to her. After many incidents of this type of thing happening I would begin to lose my patience and yell. So giving in and doing things myself began to become easier. This only made things worse. Now I have picked the things that hurt the most. I have taken control of her privacy and all her privledges. The lock on her door is turned around to the outside, so when I put her in the room she can not walk out or open it. She stays in her room for seven quiet minutes--this kills her. I have literally taken everything away from her before. ( Completely out of her room). Another thing I must stress is to notice the good listen he is doing even if it so small--make a big deal about how much you like that behavior. Discipline bad behavior--postive reinforcement. Eventually he will find it alot easier to listen the first time instead of going through all the discipline and missing out on fun and then having to do it anyway.
Here is another idea--cut out the sugar and caffiene. I noticed a big difference. Desserts or snacks are given in moderation.
One more thing I find a consistant routine is so very important...they know when things are expected. Like bedtime, brushing teeth, breakfast, etc.

Reading books --helps with listening skills as well.....read, read, read.

I know this is a long answer, but I have been through it....
It will not be easy, but stay with it. He will also get alot better as school goes along. First grade is coming up....listening skills are taught there as well. Just remember BE CONSISTANT!!!

Good Luck --I know you will do well.

Answer 8

He may have ADD. As a pharmacist tech, Strattera and Ritalin works the best. I really don't think spankings work in the long run, it brings up an unhappy child or a child who turns into an adult in a life of crime. I seen something like this on Dr. Phil. This 6 year old had symptoms of turning into a life of crime, as he was cussing at his mother and sister, defacing the walls, out of control at school...and the list goes on. I don't think timeouts work either, the kid couldn't keep still.

Answer 9

Please don't hit or spank your child!! That's not a realistic punishment in the real world. Would your boss spank you if you did something wrong? Do two wrongs make a right?

We used a star chart with our 5 year old. It was a "Yes, Mom" Chart. Everytime we asked him to do something we expected him to say "yes, mom" and then do it. When he earned 10 stickers then he got to pick out of a surprise bag. (We went to the party store and let him pick out some small surprises that he really liked and wanted to earn).

EVERY time he said "yes, mom" or "sure" or just went to do the task he would get a sticker and a big GOOD WORK! :) After he did the chore or whatever I asked him to do he could then ask the infamous "Why?" but not before. If he asked "why" or made a fuss or etc then no sticker. I would say "Oh, I really hope you get to earn a sticker next time."

If he's really having trouble saying "yes, mom" then start out small for the first few stickers. Let him make his fuss but when he's done and he's completed what you asked him then still give him the sticker for completing what you asked him to do. He'll slowly get it and then you can raise your expectations to doing the task right away.

This really worked for us!! We really try to catch the kids when they are doing what we want them to do and praising that behavior. For instance, If one of them brings their cereal bowl to the sink without being told then I would look at them and smile and say "I really like how you brought your bowl to the sink! Great job, sweetie!" Positive feedback works wonders!

Answer 10

6 year olds crave for lots of attention. but spanking is not the way out. Say if your son is painting on the wall and is not listening to you then what you can do is tell him once that if he does not stop doing it you will pack his favorite toy(thing) and throw it up in the attic for good. also do not forget to reward him with loving words (mind you not bribes like chocolate or watching TV) like you are my smart son. and that you love him. what he is doing right now is only attention catching gimmick..make sure you find some time to play with him or read bed time stories for him. children crave for love and attention. and this craving makes them misbehave. little love attention and treating him with respect will make him behave.


good luck