I've been with a great guy for over a year. The first couple of months the sex was great but then it was like it died a death! I don't know why - it was a hard year tho. My bf is soooo good looking but for whatever reason it's like I don't want to jump him. I've been having sex dreams about my ex who was not nearly as good looking but we had loads of sex (partly because we weren't very compatible in other ways). I think my question here is ... anyone been in this spot? Can we make the sex work? How can I make myself lust after my boyfriend? My bf is sooo great and when we do have sex it's great, but I just never seem to want it!!! He doesn't make me want to jump his bones!
2006-07-14 13:03:21 · 11 answers · asked by ariadne2003uk 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Wow what an amazingly fast response thanks people! But I should say in answer to Thinker that I only mention the looks thing because we get on so well, he is totally there for me, we are great friends... and he's a good looking guy. I want to know why the lust got turned off with a switch. Sex is more important for some people than others - I'm in my late 20's and don't want to be with this great guy who just doesn't get me going in that way. I'm too young to give up on a lifetime of passion!
2006-07-14 13:21:31 · update #1
Well part of the problem may be that you are confusing lust with the physical appearance. Lust starts with physical at first, but for a relationship to work you have to find something more tangible. I am not that attractive of a man, but my girlfriend, who is beautiful, lust for me because mentally I turn her on. Every time we go to a party or a event she loves to sit back and watch me talk about politics and other subjects. She is turned on by the fact that I can hold intellectual conversations. You have to find that in your boyfriend. Something about him that makes you feel that lust. Without it you are always going to feel this way.
2006-07-14 16:18:49 · answer #1 · answered by Artistic Prof. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You want to love/lust after him. There is your problem you WANT to but DON'T. Is he in essence the kind of guy you want but lacks that little bit of magic. Good looking gets 2 mentions but I don't see any other positives. Are these the "other ways" that your ex and you clicked? Perhaps it is time to move forward -not back to the ex-find a boyfriend that is not based on such a shallow connection.----------Thanks for your update. I am not being offensive with the looks thing but you have again reinforced the point in saying you are great FRIENDS and he looks so good. Have you crossed from lovers to friends- it happens. Guys have to be careful when they fancy someone that they make a move before they are just friends or "more like a brother". That was all I was driving at. I don't doubt the strength of the bond-rather the type of bond. Good Luck.
2006-07-14 13:13:34 · answer #2 · answered by Thinker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what? Some people only have relationships based on sex. They could only dream of having what you have. My ex once said that sex was overated. What he meant was a relationship should be all the other things first and then the sex should be there. It should be built on other stuff first. You just need to talk to him about what you like in the bedroom. He sounds like a great guy so he'll definately try to please you. Please don't let this get the best of you. You will so regret it. And don't cheat. Just work on it. Relationships aren't easy, and people always have something, nobody's perfect. In this case he is but not in the bedroom. But you can work on this. Don't give up on him, he's so worth it!!!! Good Luck!!!!
2006-07-14 13:16:00 · answer #3 · answered by Maryanne 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will tell you one thing when relationships start to wonder about sex problems then becomes the issue on if I should brake up or cheating on one another. So just a tip you need to talk about your problem, but not abou the ex bf dreams, which I think your just a nasty naughty girl you just horny and need a good spanking lol good luck
2006-07-14 13:16:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well guys have a big ego and it will hurt, but damn its better the sooner you tell him. Maybe you can spice it up or get down to really talking about what you need to feel into him more (like does he need to take more showers?) yo know its best to have a really nice day you set up in advance so you both relaxed and happy then just put it bluntly with as much kind voice but unmistakable words you can! Like smile and say..I never feel like jumping your bones, but I want to cause we are such a good thing together..ya know?
2006-07-14 13:09:11 · answer #5 · answered by ssunfish 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about what might be the problem other than sex. When a couple have problems with sex, sex generally isn't the real problem. What differences or issues do you have that keep you from feeling close?
2006-07-14 13:15:38 · answer #6 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find a new enviorment and wilder experiences with your partner. Dont try to equal your past, tie him up, blind fold him, make your slave. I don't know, but you take the initiative and he will later, get the gist.
2006-07-14 13:14:25 · answer #7 · answered by Kurt T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him about what you want, what turns you on. You will be surprised at how willing he will be to make you happy.
2006-07-14 13:07:55 · answer #8 · answered by dopeysaurus 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how about getting you bf to tie you down and blindfold you, then you think it is your ex...
nothing wrong with fantasies, use them to get you some!!!
2006-07-14 13:09:12 · answer #9 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
come to me babe i see you right
2006-07-14 13:12:33 · answer #10 · answered by stokefan 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋