Square peg, round hole ?

Question

Sometimes I get the feeling we are not meant to be, my bf and I. There are so many issues, trust, distance, finances, his ex and his child, and personality conflicts ( we are both scorpios), stubborness, revenge, etc.... Yet there is love. I dont know what is going to happen with us, but my life has been on hold waiting for him to do something to unite us, like propose. The drives are getting too tiring - but yet my life feels empty without him around. When he is around we argue and fight and I wish he wasnt here.
All i want is to share this short life with someone I love and be HAPPY. Am getting to the point of thinking that we are not meant to be together, yet dont have the heart or strength to break it up. It is not because I am not able of finding someone else, but because of the feelings I have, and the fear of the pain a break up brings.
I know this sounds so redundant, but is it true that "love never fails",
or is this a situation of a " square peg, round hole" ? How do I know ?

Answer 1

Sounds a little similar to the adage 'opposites attract'. Obviously there are things about one another that keep you attracted to each other, that doesn't make it love though. That's not to imply that you don't have 'feelings' of love but true love only happens when those 'feelings' are fulfilled by being returned in ways that meet your needs, wants and expectations completely. That's not the case between you two obviously because things are missing for you which you have no control over and feel helpless to resolve. No one can tell you want to do but you. You're here seeking input and hopefully will find between all the answers at least some objective opinion that will help you see things in a different perspective. This is mine based on what you say, how I perceive it and from personal experiences in life.

As for what to do, this I think will ultimately be predicated on whatever new outlook you gain along with a revitalized belief in your own ability to be independent and secure with or without a significant other in your life. As you said, you're more than 'able' and certainly desirable enough to not have any trouble finding someone significant for your life. The question is will you be 'strong' enough to make the decision you are giving thought to making and be comfortable alone until you do find the person you can 'love and be Happy' with?

Personally, I believe you can but that's just an instinct opinion.

Answer 2

Distance is not a good thing in a relationship, specially if that is how it started because you don't know how his life is when you are not there. All those issues come to mind and it tears you apart. Sounds like you are in a fantasy you want him there when he is not but when he is there all you do is fight and argue. To spend your life with someone to fill a void is not a reason to be in a relationship. To say you are in love with him...How do you know it just isn't loneliness or the fear of being alone. Sounds more like a square peg in round hole. Sorry, things will turn out ok if you break up, next time make sure you see all the warning signs and back off when you find them.. You cannot change someone they can only change them self. Good Luck.

Answer 3

I hate to tell you this but it's either break up NOW!! OR........ wait till later, put more time into a dead end relationship, put your life on hold longer, argue a few more years, feel depressed and stressed a little longer, continue to struggle with an empty void, or maybe have a baby.......THEN!!! Break Up!!! You have to know when it's over, it doesn't have to end bad for you 2 break up, just give him and yourself some space. Get out and talk to a few close friends or family members. Maybe plan a get away (don't tell him where you are) with some of your girlfriends and have some FUN!! Also spend some time alone to really think and ask your self "What is it that I want from this man and what is he giving me?? Don't just settle for okay or alright...You want the BEST!! for yourself/partner and whatever you plan on bringing (baby, house, car, career...etc) into the relationship!! If he is not acting serious by now he never will and why should he if he can "have his cake and eating it 2" You really don't want to drag this out any longer, either way it's going to hurt....that's just LIFE!! But I do know the longer you wait the worse the break up will be...Sorry!! Right now your only wasting time and your keeping yourself from finding your true soul mate!!
Good Luck & Be Blessed!!!!

Answer 4

I know exactly how you feel. To be honest, it is very possible, and likely in your case, that one can love another person very much but not be IN LOVE with them. Make sense? Here's how I look at relationships: trust is increidbly important as is respect. When you're at work and things are crappy and all you can think about is how much you want to be in your significant others' arms and know that nothing else matters, that he/she will love you for your faults and listen to your problems....you're set. It seems like, from what you said above, that there are far too many issues going on in your relationship. Though there are always things one has to deal with in relationships, it doesn't have to be complicated, tough and give you the feeling of solitude. It is the square peg in the round hole. By and large, people don't change. It's true. You can't love someone 80% or 65% or play the "what-if" game because, to be honest, you deserve more. You deserve to have someone kiss your eye-lids when you're crying, surprise you by making dinner and listen to what you have to say about anything and everything. It shouldn't be complicated. If you're feeling this way anyway, then I think you already know what you have to do. It's hard. I recently broke up with my gf because I cared more about the relationship than she did. Do it for yourself, for your future, for your happines. You'll be all right, trust me. :)

Answer 5

Thing about situations like these are usually takes an event of some sort to put the wheels in motion just an observation, and see if it was me I take that square peg and get in the round hole anyway I could (hammer anyone?) If it meant that much to me. but sometimes people have a way of turning into a triange hole when you thought they were round all along. Confusing I know.Think about it though it makes sense

Answer 6

What your saying is you two just dont get along together..,,but you need someone there for you good or bad... Sounds like its time you made some changes Sweetheart... Look around,there are guys out there that wount make you feel the way you do, You must endure pain in life to know the true feeling of love when you find it..Right sq. peg, round hole..Grit your teeth and do what ,you must, lifes to short to be sad and hurting, make the move for your own good... LOL ROB

Answer 7

I think You have answered your own question. Love never fails it is people who fall short. And that doesnt mean anything bad it is the simply the truth. The fact that You question is reason enough. You dont wish to hurt him or yourself. Or at least you don't want to be the one that does it because you love him. But life is change and it is constent. To move on is not just natural but some times needed. If the Love is right and He is the one you will be together in the end, regardless.

Answer 8

I feel you have answered your own question. Like you said there are to many issues. You need to start fresh, look at yourself and know you are very special in you own way and that having to make so many adjustment to make the peg fit just isn't; worth all your effort. Love is and should be fun and fulfilling not full of doubt and wonder if things will ever work out,
Joe

Answer 9

Sometimes our feelings can be very confusing.
You need to look at this situation in a rational manner.
Write down the good points and the bad points, and see
what is best for you. You have your whole life ahead of you,
so don't waste it on a losing relationship.

Answer 10

if what you say is true - "All i want is to share this short life with someone i love and be HAPPY." - then, make the break.

your present relationship has "so many issues...", too many it seems. And your life "has been on hold".

if you've taken the time to communicate to him just how to make you feel safe, loved, and appreciated and if he's not doing it, he's not going to change just because you guys are married!

love demands care & feeding every day. you deserve to be with someone who will do that with you... each and every day.

good luck! and be brave!
you can do it! and you deserve it!


the longer you put your life "on hold", the longer it will take for mr. right to enter your life!