How can i get my 3.5 yr old boy to behave?

Question

My three year old boy never listens to me. He runs of down the road when we are out walking. Hits me, tells me im horrible ( im not honest) and encorages his friends to copy him at preschool. Hes a bit of a ring leader. the other kids thinks hes funny so copy but the teachers feedback is saying hes very desruptive and wont listen when they tell him not to do something. He also refuses to use the tolet at Preschool and will hold on untill he gets home even if hes desparate. If he wants something and i say no. he lays down on the floor and screams. People stare at me in the street and i find it so embarresing. I also have another boy age 1.5 years. I feel i treat them equally. Help

Answer 1

Haven't you watched Supernanny?

Give him a warning, then a time-out if he persists. Give him a reward system, so if he doesn't run away or hit, etc., then he gets a reward, or earns points (we ALL know what that's like here, lol, the incentive that keeps us answering questions) that will pay off into a reward. Show him appropriate behavior that he can model.

Talk to him about the toilet issue... must be some reason why he won't use the preschool one.

Set up organized activities for him. Set a schedule, kids need things to be predictable, including behavior= punishment. They are very bright and will try to push the boundaries.

So, above all, be consistent.

Answer 2

In my experience kids act like this because they're feeling insecure. A lot of people have brought up spanking. I have the feeling you may have tried it already, has it worked? Probably not. Take 15 minutes each day and hang out with him. Him- not him and the TV or him and his brother- just the two of you. When he's talking to you maintain eye contact and really listen to what he says. Try to laugh together and be silly- that's good for you and the 1.5 year old, too. Finally, you wrote that it's embarrassing when he throws a tantrum, it shouldn't be (we've all been there). Don't let your child have that control over you. Keep your cool and let the tantrum run its course. When he's done ask if he feels better and don't mention it again. When he doesn't get the response he's looking for he'll stop. The same with toilet training-- he's just found something to do where lots of grown ups pay attention to him... Don't bring it up for a few days and see what happens. I'm not spouting a lot of Super Nanny crap, I've got two boys of my own and have been there. Good luck!

Answer 3

I would suggest two things, first consistant and firm discipline.
Second- though this my seem completely unrelated- often a child behaves like this because certain natural connections are not being made in the brain properly. I have had this problem as well as a friend of mine. Sometimes food allergies or intolerances can cause these connections to fail, lack of key amino acids, and sugar and prcessed foods depleting his body of important minerals his brain needs to function properly. My daughter used to lash out in anger all the time, have severe mood swings and have trouble with ADD / ADHD we disciplined, counseled and just about went nuts.
After several doctors and no answers, we were given a book "Stop ADD Naturally" We put her on an amino acid therapy (these are CHEAP and easy to obtain from a health food store or wal mart) be sure to read the book or do some research to make sure you are giving the right amounts of the right amino acids) The book metioned food allergies- we took her to get allergy tested and found she was gluten intolerant as well as having other food allergies.
We took her off the offending foods and cut the sugar dramatically- processed foods are completely out and it is like living with a completely different child- no more ADD, mood swings are just about completley gone, the lashing out in anger is gone, the impulsive behavior is gone, as well as a few other symptoms not addressed here. I highly recomend you look into this - the longer you wait hte harder it will be.
My daughter has a lot more self confidence now and she is a lot happier - she did not WANT to behave the way she was, she was just so unhealthy and her brain was malnourished that she could not make proper connections. Now we use discipline and training to break some habits that were developed over the time she was having trouble but it is soooo different- she receives correction and ammends her poor behavior quickly and there are less and less instances of poor behavior- it really has been a miracle! Please feel free to contact me if you would like to discuss this further .

Answer 4

You need to set some expectations and stick to them. He needs to know that there are always consequences. Just be careful with the spanking thing...if you leave a mark on him, its abuse and you dont want to lose you boy. Also, terrible two's resurface at age four...but if he learning he can manipulate you, he of coarse is going to use that to get what he wants.
Try using:
time out
take away tv time
take away video game time

Also positive rienforcement is huge. Rewards for good behavior are an absolute must.

Perhaps there are other reasons why he is acting out? Is there, or has there been any abuse or neglect in his life? Look into educating yourself in the area of parenting and if that doesnt work, seek a MFT or LCSW to guide your through his issues.

Nine times out of ten, its not the child who has to change but the parent!

Answer 5

i used to watch kids a daycare. i don't know if this will help or not , or if you would want to try it, but if you are somewhere and you have another adult with you. to watch your son try doing this i have heard that it works. next time he does not want to lessening to you walk away but keep and eye on him somehow that is why i say to take someone else with you ... a lot of time they are doing it for attention... so don't give him that...he will see that you mean business and get scared and i have heard that when you do that. the child will never do it again.. at the daycare they would put them in timeout if they were not do what they should.. 1 min for how ever old they are so with your son being 3 it should be in 3 min. and add a half a min if he does not stay in time out for every-time he gets out.. i would not go over 5 mins though.. but you have to keep up with it and not let him have his way...hope that helps...

Answer 6

You need to spank him and give him some real discipline. He needs to know that YOU are the boss and he has no control over you and what you say goes. You need to just get serious with him and show him that his behavior is wrong and he will be punished for it--whether he's only 3 yrs old or not. Be the parent. Step up and take control of your kid.


Oh yeah, don't do the "supernanny" thing..time outs are a joke and those kids grow up to be unruly and walk all over their parents--trust me I've seen them.

Answer 7

Give him one good spank next time he does a scene. Many of todays problems with teenagers and adults 20-30 wouldn´t exist if they would have had a good spanking when they started making trouble. Don´t listen to morons that think that "talking with him" will set him/her straight. As one american president said "Speak softly and carry a Big Stick". Just the fear of punishment will make him/her think twice before any wrongdoing again.

Answer 8

Try spanking.

It’s worked fine for 5000 years.

Answer 9

do what I do when my 6 years old girl acts up. I blissered her a$$ with a paddle. she dont act up for long. for real!

Answer 10

Super nanny:-D