I adopted my daughter and I am afraid one day she'll resent me for taking her from her other family.?

Question

She was legally my neice, and my sister has 8 kids, she couldn't take care of all of them. My husband and I found out we couldn't have children, so when my sister expressed the want to give us her youngest child, we thought long and hard about it. We didn't want to pass up what could have been our only chance at being parents. She's two and a half years old now, (she was 14 months old at the time) She knows her brothers and sisters, and my sister and her boyfriend.She's pretty close with them actually. But my sister had another child after her, and I don't want her to hate my sister for giving her up. My sister gets her children removed by child protective services from time to time, as of right now they are all in foster care. My sister is a very neglectful mother. Is there a possiblity that she'll hate me and my husband for "taking her away" from her family, even though we have more love, time, eergy and money to give? Does anyone have a similar experience?

These are all such wonderful answers so far you guys, thanks.

Answer 1

Well, first let me start with -- God Bless you for taking on the responsibility of raising a beautiful little girl. I am sure she will not resent you nor your husband -- she will see how much you two loved her. She might resent her birth mother for giving her away. If that ever happens, be there for her and try to explain that it was done out of love.

Since your sister has had another child, however, maybe you could see about getting HER some help. Turn her in to Child Services if she is as neglectful as you stated -- kids do not deserve a crappy mother. You are their aunt - help protect them.

Answer 2

I'm sorry that you are having this upsetting notions because I don't think that anyone should feel bad about what they can do to help out a child and family. The way I look at it, all that you can do is be honest in all your dealings with your child and try not to feel guilty in anyway. Give her the love that she deserves and continue to Look inside yourself to be sure that you are doing the things that you had hoped you could do for her. Be open and loving towards your sister and her kids and try not to resent or be jealous if that might be a problem. Don't be condescending nor self righteous because I personally think that your sister did the right thing. Behaviors are taught and then reinforced. I tend to think that attitude is part of behavior. If you show your child how to love, then love is what she'll do. Granted, life is not all that easy, but if you refrain from negativity in a crisis, you have given then child a chance to self analyze and to not be afraid and that it's ok. Good luck. I am raising my brothers two little boys and I am really trying to be the best influence they could have, and I do love them so much. They know that too.

Answer 3

Wow! Is she a lucky little girl! Not only does she now have a caring mother, who is also a blood relative, she is able to interact with her siblings as well. It sounds as though you are on the right track -- don't deny her heritage, but don't express any guilt either, because you have nothing to feel guilty about. Often times social services are reluctant to allow close relatives to adopt children, especially in circumstances such as yours where the biological parents are still very much in the picture, and are still producing siblings, because that fact alone will impact on your daughter more than anything else. As she grows older she will be able to understand that there were problems in the home, and that you preferred to adopt her rather than have her go to strangers, but she won't understand why her biological parents kept having children (and keeping them) after letting her go. So your job is going to be convincing her of just how special you thought she was. That she was the child you thought you could never have. That she's the child of your mind and your heart, if not of your body.
You're very perceptive in looking ahead and seeing potential problems, which indicates that you are thoughtful enough and have deep enough feelings, to find ways to solve those problems.
I feel sorry for your sister, and for her other children. That is a difficult upbringing for them. But your daughter is a fortunate little girl. Good on you!

Answer 4

No. She'll problay resent her bio mother. Explain to her that her mother wasn't taking care if her well enough and you apdopted her because you wanted to keep her in the family instead of going in and out of foster care.

My Cousin did this. My Cousin #1 was nelgectful with her two kids, and CPS took the kids away from her and they were put in foster care. The judge was going to keep them in foster care til my cousin #2 stood up and said she'll adopt them. They wanted to keep the kids in the family but not in their mother's care

My family, who loves the kids shouldn't suffer with the fact the kids are with stangers. If it's possible, i think the chilldren in this sitiation should be apdoted by thier family, if they are a loving family.

Answer 5

Hi am kenny and i have a son, so as a mother i could understand what u going throw. She would never recent you because u did not took her away from her family, second of all she would or should be thankfuel because if u wouldn't had adopted her she would problably be some were bad. so be happy and dont worry about it i can tell u are a great mother so be good and dont stress about it God will help you guide her throw all of this ok God bless u and email me when ever u want ok bye.

Answer 6

I wouldn't think so especially if she finds out her brothers and sisters are in foster care while she is in a loving home. If anything, she might want to see if you can take care of some of her siblings. However, I will wait to see what others say who have some experience.

Answer 7

She shouldn't as long as you explain it to her. I was adopted and know my birth family and dont resent my mom at all for taking me away from them. I actually thank her for it and she most likely will be too when shes old enough to understand. My birth mom is very unstable even to this day and she has two young boys to take care of. I feel bad for them. Anyway you did a favor for her and as long as your a good parent to her that will be the thing that makes her love and thank you for raising her and not resent you.
good luck and best wishes :)

Answer 8

Wow. I don't think she'll hate you. She may carry some anger towards her biological mother at some point in her life, but that all depends on how you and your husband choose to raise her. You are a blessing to your blessing. Pray. Make sure she has a strong foundation and relationship with the Lord and she will be wonderful! Good luck and God bless!

Answer 9

well from the fact that myself am adopted and having a hard time getting through it, i just wanted to let you know that it is not you fault. i found out i was adopted when i was 6 and now i under the fact that i am adopted,but not fact that anyone would want to leave me alone and put me up for adoption. you were not taking her away from anyone ,and one day she will realize that. for now and forever will you be her mom, and nothing can change that bond, that love that you have for her. even if her aunt is her real mom, you did it for her not to take her away from anyone. you did the right thing and i pray for people like you everyday, who will help the adopted in need

thank you

Answer 10

No i dont, however what you did was a kind,loving thing!! She wil thank you later..her brothers and sisters will be the ones that are upset. I am sorry that you have to go through this with your sister..I know you want to take them all in..I pray your sister gets fixed..she doesnt need anymore kids..Good luck to you..