What should you do if you feel something is up with your girlfriend?

Question

The beginning of the summer my girlfriend and I talked a lot, i mean like 3 or 4 hours a day. Now it seems like we barely talk at all. She doesn't call as much and isn't online to talk. So should I ask her if something is up and see why we don't talk as much...or just assume shes been busy and hopefully let it play out. Would it offend you if your bf asked if you bored or not in love with him anymore?

By the way...we are in a LDR so we barely see each other and its been close to 3 months since one of us has visited the other. Thanks.

Answer 1

I would talk with her and ask her the questions that are concerning you. If it because she is busy then that's great, but if not, it's time you both knew so you can move on with your life. Long distance relationships are hard, you need a major committment to hold on to one another. So go talk with her. She won't take offense to your questions, she has no reason to. Chances are if you are feeling this way maybe she is to? Good luck! :)

Answer 2

I was in an LDR with a girl off and on for a combined 2.5 year period. (1 year and then a year together and then 1.5 years apart)

I wouldn't reccomend it. We've stayed together and are going on six years now, but those years apart are hard. She is actually away right now on a three month thing and it is easy to breeze eachother's life away when they are not around.

Here is the thing, you cannot expect 3-4 hours a day of communication with a girl when you are not together. Talking on the phone can be a lengthy chore and once your pasts and things have been discussed, you really have only your present and future to discuss. What I'm saying is that conversations tha tlong are nearly impossible when all of it is "how was your day" You can't have that as your base rate.

She isn't stupid, she realizes as well that the two of you haven't talked much recently, but it is funny for a guy that wants to talk so much to not have already asked her these questions. You say "assume she is busy" which leads me to believe that while you talk a lot, you don't really listen to what her day is like and the level of work she is doing. Why haven't you asked her if something is up already? Why are you afraid of her answer?

Don't come at this like "Are you bored of me?" because it won't work out. Say to her "You know I'm kind of concerened because it feels like we haven't been talking much lately, how do you feel about that?"

It is highly likely that she IS bored of it, bored of being tied to some guy so far away, bored of being home every night and spending so much time on the phone instead of out doing something.

I think that you may have some codependancy issues that you should work out.

Answer 3

It seems to me your girl is taking some time off. like a long time. This is what one of my ex boyfriends did to me. we were really good friends and we went out and become even closer friends. but one day he just became all busy and ever wanted to hangout with me. Then we broke up

you know sometimes people get in a relationship and they rush into things without really knowing what they are doing. Seems to me your girlfriend is telling you nicely that she doesn't want to be with you anymore. Just take it as it is. You can't make someone like or fall in love with you. I don't think you should ask her questions of why? It will just make things more worse then it is.

But don't react to it to much. cause one slip move might mean disasters. So if it has been months and week with you guys not talking. that should tell you something right there. Don't try to make things better between you two. Just leave it alone and go on with your life. Just write her a letter or call her or leave her a message on e-mail telling her that. " We have not talked in a long time and i feel like we are drifting apart. I think we should be friends. but I guess we were already friends but I just didn't know it. But no matter what whenever you need to talk I will always be here for you.

If she doesn't write you back. Then just move. Go out and have fun. Don't call her dont e-mail. If she missed you or wanted to talk to you. She would call or e-mail. don't look as it as your lost but its her's. Your a great guy and have a lot of things going for you. She just didn't know what she had infront of her.

so have fun this summer. and if you do see her. just say HI. if you don't want to talk to her. then don't. if she thinks thats rude. Then saying okay Im being rude. sure. Not calling me for months. or just not anything. thats rude too. So if you think Im being rude. try looking at yourself.

Answer 4

Well, if she's not talking to you hardly at all, it would seem to me like she's found something else to occupy her. My fiancee and I were in a LDR for 3 years and talked pretty much every day, for hours, on the computer and on the phone. If he had stopped doing that, I would definitely wonder what was going on and be suspicious. I think she owes you an explanation as to why she isn't talking to you much anymore. Some people in LDR feel they can get out of a relationship without a word to the other (had that happen to me too, in a previous relationship), its cowardly and pathetic of them, but thats how some people are.

I wouldn't be offended if my boyfriend asked me why we weren't talking much. If she is sincere to you, she will be honest. Sadly, it sounds to me like she's slowly trying to get out of the relationship..otherwise, she would be there for you, and talking to you like she did before. Good luck. Just ask her flat out whats going on.

Answer 5

I think you should tell her you are concerned. Since the relationship is basically over the phone it is going to have a HUGE impact on you guys.

Send her an e-mail so you can get out ALL your thoughts and re-read it 2 or three times and make sure it gets to the point and is NOT going to make her feel defensive. It could be she has things going on that are taking up her time, New Job, Family Issues, Stress?? Try and see if you can get her to open up by letting her know whatever is going on you will be there for her!

If you have been calling and she won't return you calls wait for her to call (she will) and talk things out! Sometimes you just have to be EXTREMELY patient for woman, who do not like in sensitive men BUT at times we can be the insensitive ones and NOT realize it.

But remember if she needs space give her space, if she needs to talk let her talk, whatever she needs make it clear you are there to work out whatever it is whenever shes ready!


take care!!

Answer 6

Distance relationships don't often work well, especially when there is no long-term history behind you to pull you together. While it could be simply that she has gotten busy, it could also be that her feelings have cooled somewhat. Best thing to do is to let it take it's course. Move along with your life as well. If she asks about your distance, you'll know she was simply busy. If not, then it will be time to turn the page in your journal and move on.

Answer 7

It would appear that communicative engagement is the only methodology by which any definition approching exactitude can be ascertained, at least within the circumscribed paremeters with which you can initiate open interchange .

The problem, as it will inevitably present itself, is one of appearance to the 'delivered', as opposed to self-perceived truth held by the 'deliverer', within the framework of what can be understood by two separate paradigms. The derivation of meaning, or interpretation, if you will, is as much dependent on the vehicles that are used in the engagement process, as it is upon the so-called 'content' in question.

With that said, I wish you luck.

Answer 8

You might mention you've noticed things have changed, ask her if she's busy. Make an effort to get over and see her. It would offend me if someone asked if I were bored and not in love anymore, but my guy could ask if I've been busy, and then I also know he's missed me.

Answer 9

How long have you been together? Sounds like shes busy living a life off line. You should do the same for yourself.... hopefully things work out between the two of you.

Answer 10

It sounds like something is up!!! You should try to get her to come see you, or you go see her. If she does not want to do either then just tell her that you need to see her because it is very important that you speak with her face to face.... if she gets defensive then she is probably cheating, or whatever you wanna call it. If she is willing to do so then just have a good sit down with her and explain what you just did to us. There is no harm in being honest, but just be ready for whatever she throws at you.