give me your best joke.?

Answer 1

Lawyer And The Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom, "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back
to me.

Husband #3 was from field services, he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing, even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-
the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration, he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing, although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist, all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist, all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector, all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Answer 2

Let me see, cause I forgot how to.

"There was this old lady that went to see a Doctor because she was having problem in smelling her own gases.

So she said to the doctor: Doctor I'm having a problem, because I releases so much gases but they don't smell at all, I think there is got to be something wrong with my colon.

So the doctor said: OK I will give you this pills and take them every morning and every night, that should fix the problem.

So the Lady came a week after and said to the doctor:
"Oh doctor, what have you done, you gave me some pills that makes my gases smell real bad?

So that Doctor said: Those pills were not for your gases, they were for your nose that was blocked, I can see the medicine is working just fine.

Answer 3

My bestest bestest joke is about the two guys who are out playing poker. The first man says "Who has the biggest hand?!", and the second man says "I have the biggest hand". And all the sudden, the table breaks into two separate halves. And the first man yells out "You break the table, you pay for the table, got that, you large-fisted oaf!!". And then, the first man calls the nearby police station, and then, the police arrives to the scene of which the incident occured and says "I don't know that you guys are having a garage sale!!"

Answer 4

There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.
"When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral s e x she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home."

One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral s e x she's ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late.

"Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks.

"I was was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight, 'cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom."

Answer 5

One warm afternoon, superman is flying over metropolis and he’s dead horny. So, he’s zooming around when he spots Wonder Woman laying butt naked on a roof top, Spread eagle. Figuring, hey I’m Superman, I’m faster than a speeding bullet…I can just zoom down, have a quickie and be off before she even knows what hit her…

Thinking this is a master plan; he swoops down, has a quickie and flies off again. Down below Wonder woman lifts her head in confusion and asks…

“What the hell was that!?” The Invisible man stands up rubbing his back side…

“I donno, but my *** is killing me!!”

lol

Answer 6

An old man is sitting on his porch when a young man stops his car and says "Sir, I noticed you have Milkweed in your backyard. Do you mind if I get some milk?" The old man thinks he is nuts, but says "Sure". 10 mins. later the young man comes back with two buckets full of milk.
The next day, the young man comes by and asks "Sir, I noticed you have honeysuckle in your backyard. Do you mind if I get some honey?" Again the onld man thinks he is nust, but says "Sure". 10 mins. later the youn man comes back with two cups full of honey.
The next day, the young man comes by and asks "Sir, I noticed you have some pussywillows in your .." The old man cuts him off, and says "Hold on, let me get my boots on"

Answer 7

a man has a wife she asks him to fix a step he says i aint no handyman she asks him to cook dinner he says i aint no george foreman she asks him to buy a computer he says i aint no donald trump so he leaves a man comes up to her and asks whats wrong she tells him what her husband said they make a deal when the husband gets home she says me and a guy made a deal about fixing the house up and cooking dinner 4 me and buying a computer he says i can sleep with him or bake him a cake he says what kind of cake did you manke she says what you think i aint no betty crocker

Answer 8

if beauty was in your reach you wouldnt have any arms.

Answer 9

Why?

Answer 10

first you!!!!!