I am 22 and i really want a baby but my bf keeps putting me off?

Question

MY BF IS NOT READY AND HE KEEPS SAYING "ONE DAY" BUT WHAT IF "ONE DAY" NEVER GETS HERE? SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE IM WASTING MY TIME. I LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING, BUT I THINK ABOUT THIS BABY THING EVERYDAY, ALLDAY. I CANT HELP IT. WHAT SHOULD I DO? WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 4 YEARS. DO YOU THINK HE IS AFRAID? I CANT IMAGINE LIVING MY LIFE WITHOUT CHILDREN.

Answer 1

Listen sweetie, don't be in a rush to have children. It will happen in God's time not yours. You feel like you want this and your bf is putting you off. But you need to realize that having a baby right now may not be the best thing for either of you. If you truly love him, you'll wait until he marries you and he's ready to start a family. Then again he probably don't ever want children. Which in this case you should let him know that you want children in your future and you and him can just be friends. Then find someone else that will love you enough to marry you and want the same things that you want. Believe me children are a blessing from God and they are so innocent and beautiful. But don't rush it, because it's not an easy task. Especially if you're left to do it alone.

Answer 2

First, you are young. You have a good 10, if not 15 years to have children. Don't rush something this important. I hate to say it, but your boyfriend might have some good points behind his lack of desire to reproduce.

At 22, most people are hardly financially stable. 22 year olds, even w/ a brand new and shiny college degree, do not make that much money.

- Do you own your own house?
- Are you able to pay your bills and put an additional $600/month aside? B/c that's how much it costs to have a child on the most BASIC level. That cost will rise quickly as the child grows up.

Further, if someone doesn't feel emotionally ready to have a child that's more than reasonable, esp at this age. Waking up in the middle of the night; staying home EVERY SINGLE NIGHT OF THE WEEK; crying, sometimes constantly for absolutely no reason; drippy diapers when the baby gets its first case of diahreah, you get the point.

If he doesn't feel ready at this point (or ever) it doesn't make him a bad person or selfish - but now would be a good time to start thinking ahead. Stop bugging him about the issue; he isn't going to change his mind overnight. "Not now...maybe later" in his mind most likely means "in 5-10 years."

Have an honest conversation with him, do not attack him or make him feel like you are on the offensive. Bring up the following:
- Does he love you enough to want to be with you long term?
- If yes, does he see himself having children with you ever?
- If yes, can he come up with a rough ballpark estimate?

Personally, I think that 22 is too young to put pressure on someone to marry you. I don't know where you are from/the culture you are used to but I do know that he's probably thinking you sound like a nag. He hasn't come outright and declared "no children ever" so that's a good sign. But if you keep getting at him, trying to force something so enormous upon him when he's clearly no on the same page, he will resent you and maybe leave you.

If he says he never wants kids - or just not with you - then it would be time to move on.

Answer 3

He's probably looking at the situation realistically. Just wanting a baby isn't a good reason to have one. Way too many people just jump into parenthood without really assesing their situation first. Maybe your boyfriend wants to have a life before bringing more into the world. Children are expensive, require constant care and emotional maturity from a parent. You're only 22; you're life isn't over by any means. You haven't really had time to experience things for yourself, and I'm sure that there are things that you want to do in life before you start cranking out babies. If you are so obsessed with having a baby that you think about it all day, every day, and can't imagine living without children, then you might want to seek counseling. A psychologist could help you figure out why you think you HAVE to have children right now, and why you can't get it off of your mind. I have met so many women who forced themselves into motherhood at a young age because their lifes weren't very exciting, or they had low self esteem, or they wanted the unconditional love of a child, or they wanted a little doll to play dress-up with, or they wanted desperately to hang on to a lover. These are all really bad reasons to bring a baby into the world. If your boyfriend isn't ready, then it's probably best to wait until you both are.

Answer 4

One thing that you should remember is that you are only 22. The 22 of today is different than it was when our parents were our age (I'm 28 years old). Be sure that you have your life to a place where you want it to be before you start having kids. I've been with my husband for 8 years (3 of which were have been married). Because I want kids so badly, I want them to have the best that I can provide. We are waiting a little longer so that we can give them what we didn't have growing up.

Another thing to think about is why you want kids so badly. I went though a phase like that and I realized that I was going through a rut in my relationship. Since we worked things out my desire to have children is not monopolizing my life anymore. It has become something that we both want and can equally look forward to.

I hope this helps!

Answer 5

Ok, please don't be in a rush. Babies are not things to aquire, they are human life. They can be wonderful but they are also one heck of a lot of work and they change your life completely. At 22 your not too young but your definately not too old either.
Do not presure your boy friend... Consider getting married first, that way you at least have more of a commitment. It's not a garuntee but it's something. But before you get married or have a baby, sit and have a serious discussion with your BF, ask him what his reason are for waiting. At the same time be open to hearing his reasons they could be good reasons that he has thought through. Maybe he wants to be in better shape financially to make sure he can help support the baby and he doesn't think he is there yet. Whatever his reasons, listen to him. Now if you do listen to him and you feel for yourself that he is just feeding you a line of garbage then you need to cut the tie and move on. But at 22 you still have plenty of time so at least talk with him and find out what his reasons are. Then you can decide from there.

Answer 6

at 22 you still have plenty of time. Why rush it? There are so many other things you should consider doing before you have a kid with your BF. Take some time and go to school, travel, make sure you have done these things because once you have a child you might not be able to do them until the child is raised. Besides you don't want to have kids until after you are married. Raising a child is really hard when both parents are there, but as a single parent it is one of the hardest things you could ever do.

Maybe your BF is not sure about your relationship yet so is smart enough to realize a child at this time would not be fair to that child. You need to make sure you BF and you are being to be willing to make a commitment to each other for the REALLY long term before you even start having a family.

Answer 7

I am 21 and pregnant its very hard. I just thought being a parent was hard, and never really thought about how hard it is to be pregnant. You cant ever get comfortable to sleep and when you final do go to sleep you wake up because you have to pee. You get consipated, morning sickness, its just a lot harder then what I thought. My advise is to wait I know waiting a baby can overtake you but if your boyfriend is putting off having a baby there is a reason. I am not saying that your boyfriend doesnt want a child with you but it may not be the right time for him. I dont know your situations completely but you need to respect your boyfriends wants and assume that there is a very good reason. Maybe he is not where he wants to be in a job or whatever and maybe he wants to start a family after getting married and having a good fincial setup. Also you said what if one day never comes...I think you just need to give it time..if one day is suppose to come it will and you dont have to force it. If you really love children then maybe your could work with children in your spare time, it may make you want children more but it may also take care of the need of having a child until you are ready. Please just dont push him into something he is not ready for because it could end up with you going though a loney pregnancy, give him the time and respect that he needs. Hope that I have helped.

Answer 8

Hi,
It sounds like he's not ready for sure. First of all, I am not sure if you are planning on marrying him and I may be wrong, but if he doesn't have plans to marry you after being together for four years I would seriously reconsider having a baby with him because you might end up getting left behind to tote a tot all by yourself. Believe me, I know from experience. I wanted a family really badly when I was 20 and had a baby with my bf. I ended up hurt but in the end, I became a Christian, I love my little girl and I am now happily married to a man that adores her and loves me. So, before you get into a mess, no matter how bad you want a family, first, think smart about taking care of yourself and don't make any hasty decisions...there will always be time to have children, they will change your life dramatically and make sure they have a dad who wants them and loves them.

Answer 9

Ok first of all it pretty normal to feel that way at your age cuz your body is in that phase now

i think u should talk to ur man some more he may just not be ready honestly

you need to find out if your stable enough to handle a child you will be giving up a whole lot and maybe your boyfriend isnt ready for that kind of long term stuff

some one told me years ago that you can change everything in your life if you have a bad job u can quit, if your fat u can lose weight but if you have a baby for the wrong man you will have to live it for the rest of you life

Good luck and be patient

Answer 10

UH, I would say that you need to find something else to do wtih your life. Perhaps school or a job would help. If your bf isn't ready, then he isn't ready. You can't force someone to be a parent. If you do get pregnant by "accident" then he will resent you and the child for the rest of your lives. I think you just want something to love, which is the most selfish reason for wanting a child in the entire world. Plus, you're 22. How well can you provide for a child financially (think college in 20 years will be $250k plus), emotionally, and physically. Having a child now because "you want it" is selfish and childish, thus proving that you aren't ready to have a child at all. If you can't wait to provide the proper support and networks for it, you aren't trying to provide another human being with a quality life -- you're trying to substitute for lacks in your own.