2006-07-14 08:40:27 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Lawyer And The Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom, "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative, he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services, he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back
to me.
Husband #3 was from field services, he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing, even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer, he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-
the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration, he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing, although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist, all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist, all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector, all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
2006-07-14 17:22:52 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There was this guy who always went out drinking with his friends. He would always come home very late. One night, while he was at the bar he told them his secret for being able to sneak in late.
"When I walk in the house, before the wife can say anything, I lay her down, take off her panties, and give her the best oral s e x she's ever had, until she has such an orgasm that she falls into a deep sleep. Then, I wash up and go to bed. By morning, she is so pleased, she doesn't care what time I came home."
One of his friends thinks this is a great idea. So he stays out late, comes home, sneaks into the bedroom, gives his wife the best oral s e x she's ever had, and goes to wash up. His wife walks into the bathroom, obviously upset that he's home so late.
"Hey, why aren't you sleeping?" he asks.
"I was was, but I came in to tell you that we've got to sleep on the couch tonight, 'cause my mother is sleeping in our bedroom."
2006-07-14 15:47:53 · answer #2 · answered by Punk Rock Gurl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
george bush is the president of the united states he works hard 24/7. That's 24 hours a week, 7 months a year.
2006-07-14 16:01:16 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope you like this one:
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said, "Just a minute, I have to go pee."
The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.
"What about you Peter, how would you say it?"
Peter said, "I'm sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table."
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?"
I would say, "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a
very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."
The teacher fainted.
2006-07-14 16:26:11 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Gilmore♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey Alex, you're in the Guinness Book of Records for having the world's smallest c()ck !!!
2006-07-14 15:47:03 · answer #5 · answered by sunshine25 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One morning in the middle of church Satan appears at the front of the church, everyone panics rushes out the door except for a little elderly man sitting at the front, this confusses Satan so he says" don't you know who i am"? the man says "yep", so Satan says "aren't you scared of me"?, the man says "nope", well this angers Satan and he says "well why not", the old man looks him right in the eye and says " for the last 48 yrs I've been married to your sister"!!!!!
2006-07-14 15:51:37 · answer #6 · answered by michael p 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just saw a bear running with a picnic basket being chased by a park ranger
2006-07-14 15:47:32 · answer #7 · answered by dishwasher67 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
George Bush is the greatest president we have ever had and he alone is protecting us from the evildoers.
[well, I thought it was hilarious when Tony Snow said it]
2006-07-14 15:43:29 · answer #8 · answered by parrotjohn2001 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
christopher reeves walked into a bar...
christopher reeves.... worst enemy?
you would expect lex luther...but its actually stairs...
mexicans say home is where the heart is... but there not E.T. because they would have already got the point and go home..
2006-07-14 15:59:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh My Gosh look at her thats just like gross shes completly bald and has like a hair growing from her head into her nose that is just diturbing thats gross ewl............................AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i cant get the picture out my head. glad to help
2006-07-14 15:45:23 · answer #10 · answered by ashley333* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋