I had my son at 19. I was clueless at raising a son and since his father and I split up during my pregnancy, I raised him on my own. I never had much money, so even though I provided the necessary things, I never could provide alot of extras until he was older. Now at 29, I am remarried and we have a 2 yr. old daughter. I have enjoyed raising an infant and toddler so much more this time around and I tend to do and buy much more for my daugher than I do for my son or stepson. It is not that she is an easier child, its just that I know more and have more energy,and also because shes a girl and I love girly things. I know that I go overboard buying clothes, toys and little cutsy decorative things for my daughter, but I do it for my own enjoyment, not hers(at 2 yrs. old she isn't asking for all this stuff). I feel guilty for showering my daugher with so much more attention and stuff, but I can't help it. Am I a bad person?????
2006-07-14 08:13:46 · 16 answers · asked by LittleMermaid 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Just to clarify, especially for the idiot who called my son a bastard, I got married to my first husband right out of high school and didn't get pregnant with my son until 3 months later. He was born in wedlock.
2006-07-14 08:28:11 · update #1
You are definitely not a bad person!!! I have 2 stepsons (15 & 13) and two daughters (11 & 9). I too love to spoil my girly girl. My older daughter is a tomboy and it's VERY hard to shop for her. I often see cute stuff that my baby girl (so, she's 9...) would look adorable in or just hasta have! I do try to keep the balance and have found that suprising my stepsons and my other daughter with things once in a while - especially when I haven't bought anything for the 'baby' - is just as gratifying for me as it is for them. They know that the 'baby' is unable to do some things the bigger kids get to do and therefore they get spoiled by other means...the movies, the front seat, more freedom etc...Just make sure you keep the balance with your time and attention so they don't feel left out.
2006-07-14 08:30:37 · answer #1 · answered by belleebuttons 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most people go nuts buying newborns stuff, so I don't think you need to feel guilty about that. Plus, you're in a different position than you were when your son was born.
However, you should be conscious about how your son and stepson react to it... a lot of times there is jealousy or resentment when there is a new baby in the house. So, if you see that start to happen, maybe you can just remember that the other kids need your time and attention too.
2006-07-14 08:19:46 · answer #2 · answered by pceej 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you sat down with your son and explained to him the situation? Does he hold it against you? I am really worried that when I have my next child the situation will be a lot better financially and have the same concerns you do.
My son know has a lot for a child and says he has nothing, I'm trying to install in him that it's not what you have but who you have and that there are people out there without anything.
If your sons show resent or jealousy towards this explain to them the situation and maybe when you buy your daughter something buy them a one thing too.
2006-07-14 08:27:01 · answer #3 · answered by Carebear 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are a bad person and I have a son and daughter so I know that it is much easier to buy for a girl than a boy. BUT, your son may see a big difference. Especially when you buy tons for her and not him.
Each time I buy my daughter something, my son gets something. Or if he goes on a trip, he brings her back a present and she does the same.
It may be easier now and I truly understand but you don't want your son to feel like 2nd place. And chances are if you feel that or are afraid of that, he is too.
Best wishes to you and your family.
2006-07-14 08:19:09 · answer #4 · answered by I love the flipflops 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not favor one child over another.
The 10 year old will pick up on this and begin to resent the attention his sister receives.
Don't pit one against the other over material garbage.
It has to be an equal distribution. The boy will grow to resent you.
You say you buy the items more for your enjoyment than for hers? Yeah you buy for yours, she's not even old enough to appreciate all that garbage you buy for her. Are you starting out early to "live through" your daughter?
2006-07-14 08:18:27 · answer #5 · answered by alwaysbombed 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're not a bad person. You just need to take a step back and find a good balance. Try spending some extra time with your other kids.
2006-07-14 08:19:37 · answer #6 · answered by Kristina B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that maybe the way you choose your daughter than your son is kind of wrong but whatever you get your daughter make sure your son has it to, or else when he is an adult he will despise you and will do the same thing to one of his kids and it will go on, and on ,and on,through out the family generation, so next time just do the same with your son as you do with your daughter.
2006-07-14 08:24:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you're not a bad person. You do the best you can with what you have at the time. Just make sure you are treating them the same now.
2006-07-14 08:17:36 · answer #8 · answered by Brandie C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust me, you don't want to end up with a spoiled child. soon she will start asking and have fits if she does not get what she wants. Theres just so many clothes and toys a child needs.
2006-07-14 08:19:33 · answer #9 · answered by KathyS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the two are required; that's reported that people who've daughters are frequently greater formidable and money-minded and, on occasion cooler, than people who've sons; it is not continuously genuine, of direction;
2016-10-07 22:22:42 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋