Can someone explain?

Question

I have always, for my whole life and to the best of my ability, been the good little Catholic girl. Catholic education, church every week, I even lector. The worst sin I think I ever committed was stealing candy from a grocery store when I was young.

But then something terrible happened. I met a man, we fell in deep, spiritual, life-changing love. We got engaged, we will be married next year. And, unfortunately, we were a little too impatient to wait around until the honeymoon. I'm now 6 months pregnant. Invariably, this has affected my status in my parish. I recieved a letter from my pastor asking me to cease my lectoring until I was in a valid Catholic marriage.

...Marriage? What does marriage have to do with anything to do with it? It will not change the fact that I had sex before marriage, nor will it alter the fact that this child was concieved out of wedlock. We were planning to be married anyway, but can someone explain that logic to me?

Answer 1

It's called fanatical adherence to Dogma, sorry. Good luck with the baby.

Answer 2

The fact is that you had sex before marriage. It doesn't matter if you were engaged or not. The priest probably asked you to stop lectoring because people would gossip about you and wonder how you could go up on the altar and proclaim the word of God after committing such a serious sin (this is not the correct way for people to think, but unfortunately that is how some people think.) He was probably just trying to save you from embarrassment.
I, personally nor would the Church, have a problem with you resuming your lectoring position after you have gone to confession and have done proper penance for you sins.

Answer 3

The "logic" is actually that there doesn't have to be logic.

If you accepted this religion, then you accepted and agreed with the terms-- rules of the religion. That's the game. You play by the rules or you are penalized. If there's any logic, then that's it.

If you are in this religion because you were born into it and do not know its rules and have not studied them, then you are bound to run into problems when you unknowingly make decisions that are contrary to your religion.

When you knowingly make contrary decisions, thats an integrity issue on your part.

At this point, you can either play the game by the rules of your religion and do what is necessary to make it right, or if you disagree with the rules that apply to your situation and discussing it with your priest doesn't resolve to your favor, then you probably need to change religions.

Religions aren't intended to be individual conveniences.

If you break a well posted speed limit, you get a ticket. Sometimes you get a warning. If you get a ticket, you can dispute it in court, where the judge may or may not drop or reduce your fine. Life and laws can be pretty arbitrary sometimes, but religions are less arbitrary than governments, unless you donate lots of money. Then, they may behave similarly.

That's an integrity issue on their part.

Just try to make decisions that make the most sense for your survival and the survival of your loved ones. Don't regret poor ones-- instead, try to learn and move on.

Don't trash the same old rules that have been around forever, when you suddenly find yourself in a situation which puts you in conflict with those rules that is inconvenient for you. You're free to choose whether or not to accept the rules and play the game.

Choose your game and have integrity. If you fall-- get back up. Don't be a victim and don't make it a habit to seek blame.

This applies no matter what religion you choose to follow. It also applies if you choose not to follow any religion.

There you go. Have fun!

Answer 4

Sexual intercourse is the physical expression of a married couple's vows. It must be a free and informed choice, a total giving and receiving of each other, an expression of the vow to remain faithful to each other, and open to life that God provides. Only in the setting of a marriage can sexual intercourse be a true expression of vows.

Any sexual intercourse that takes place outside marriage expresses no such vows. Sex is sacred in the Catholic Church.

Lectoring is a public ministry in the Catholic Church. As such, lectors must lead exemplary lives and should not be cause for any such scandal. Your pastor is right in asking you to cease lectoring until you are in a valid Catholic marriage, not because you are not forgiven of pre-martial sex, but because it can be a cause for scandal for other parishioners.

Once you are in a Catholic marriage, and will no longer be a possible cause for scandal, you may resume your public ministry.

Until you are properly married in the Church, it would be good to abstain from further sexual intercourse. This is sometimes called a "second virginity". Abstinence is good for the couple because even when you are married, there will be times when you will be unable to have sexual intercourse e.g. when one partner is travelling or sick for a period of time.

Answer 5

Your candy store incident sure wasn't your only sin. I used to be Catholic (no knock on them) but after reading the bible I could see how deceived I was. Fact is we all deserve Hell. We are all sinners, even those who have sex before marriage or those who wait. The good news...........God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten son to die for us (in our place). You must draw a line in the sand and start over. When you do he will welcome you with open arms. He loves you more then anything and he is quick to forgive us (provided we forgive others). Please understand that you have forgiveness. Don't let anyone tell you you aren't good enough for this or that. Let the Lord into your life, not a religion but a relationship. Talk to him like you talk to your fiancee'. Don't repeat prayers that someone wrote. Were talking about the God of the universe........he wants you to chose him with your own free will. I pray you and your husband to be will accept his forgiveness and start that relationship with him. You'll never ever regret it. God bless you!

Answer 6

He's just trying to make his church look good. As the pastor it is his duty to make things look pretty. I conceived a child with my fiance before the honeymoon. Sadly, I was asked to stopped teaching Sunday school at my Baptist church. I was 19 at the time. Well two kids later I'm married and a member of another church. Life goes on and God made us all the same way. We are all human and he almost expects this of us.

Answer 7

I would say to stop bashing yourself and leave the church to a religion that can be more opened minded. There is nothing wrong with being in love and having sex and conceiving a child out of love. I would question any religion that would tell you contrary. I know. I used to be Catholic and got really tired of the guilt really fast. If I was still Catholic, I would still be in a very ABUSIVE marriage.

Answer 8

There is a thing called the sin of scandal which is by our actions, or inactions, that we lead someone else to sin. The priest and the parish want to make sure, because some in the congregation are impressionable, that they give no one the impression that they are condoning sex or child-bearing outside of a sacramental marriage.

Be patient. Time is on your side.

Answer 9

If the Catholic church is going to be so illogical and restrictive why would you want to continue lectoring anyway and spreading the word of something you don't agree with?

Answer 10

are you kidding? Welcome to Catholic Doctrinal Hypocrisy 101.

do you have any idea how many Catholic weddings are performed in the "shotgun" style? (how many had a 'bun in the oven' when they walked down the aisle?)

things like this are what make so many people leave the Catholic religion for other paths.

Your pastor is just following his "rules" and he expects you to be an obedient parishoner and do what he says without questioning it. It's not supposed to make sense or be logical. You are supposed to obey.

Answer 11

I'm sorry, but this sounds like the Catholic Church is always trying to cover up stuff! Marriage doesn't make it better. Congrats that you will be having one of God's gifts soon and I pray that you both will be happy and grt parents, but sin is sin and even if you got married, sex before marriage will always be a sin. Ask God to forgive you and better yet, repent, be baptized and follow Jesus' teachings so you can be saved and make it to heaven. Chow