Can 'please' and 'thank you' be used too much?

Answer 1

Anything overused is a bore, but of course the appropriate situation requires the appropriate response. If one uses the phrases, "please and thank you" at times it's not really appropriate, or to sound "phony" I would say yes, it can be overused. But if the situation is a giving situation and a lot of things are being given, say thank you the first time, then make a nice comment each time about the item, and at the end of opening the gifts, say thank you for all the wonderful things and comment about how much you will use them, even if you won't. Manners are always appropriate no matter where you are, and are appreciated by the giver. A thank you note is always required even if you said thank you in person. A person will find they are given more things if the giver receives not only a thank you verbally, but a thank you note that must be sent snail mail!! Times change but manners don't. If you are the giver, never say, "no problem." That's totally rude. As to "please", say it any time you ask for something from anyone. Here's 2 sites I found on google.com for you:

http://www.say-thanks.com/

http://www.ezinearticles.com/?Creative-Ways-to-Say-Thank-You&id=5254

An interesting story I found and pasted here:
Saying please and thank you
Saying please and thank you is something that is taken for granted here in the USA and other places.

I remember being struck as a teenager by Jonathan M. Ford's take on such terms, through the eyes of a Klingonaase captain:

The Admiral got up from his chair. "Another?" he said, pointing at Krenn's glass.

"Please," said Krenn. He had had a hard time getting used to the word. But after a day on the Starbase, Krenn realized that the Humans used it continuously, across all levels of authority, for requests of any or no importance: the word simply had no meaning.

And then again a few pages later:

"So you were just following orders?"

"Do officers of the Federation not follow orders?"

Whitetree leaned forward, about to say something, then he sat back slowly. His expression had changed wholly, though the shifts of flesh were small. "I'm . . . sorry, Captain."

Krenn had heard that word too: it seemed to have more of its meaning left than please did. And, watching the Human, Krenn thought he intended that it should have meaning now.

I was thinking about this last week while I was staying in a hotel and noticed once again that on ordering room service that a 17% gratuity was pre-calculated as a part of the bill (and of course there was an additional place for a tip if I wanted to write one in).

I was also thinking about time I spent in Ireland this Summer where the service in several restaurants was terrible and tips were almost never left by people. It is easy to hypothesize about the connection, though I doubt that the service for an institutionalized tip is any better (I was honestly not even sure that what the hotel called a gratuity even went to the employee or not; I also was not sure how best to find out the truthful answer on the topic, and never have).

And I was thinking about it again a few days ago when my sister-out-law Jenny was speculating about the strange interactions with a cashier who says thank you when you pay and then you say thank you for the change -- there is not much time for more than that (without holding up the line!) and how truly sincere is it when it is a mechanical part of a transaction, no matter how polite everyone involved is?

So why did the word please seem to have no meaning to someone who was new to the language (well, ignoring the fact that it was obviously fiction, of course!)? Obviously the fact that it is used so often tends to water down the meaning, until it is almost brought down to the level of a particle in English -- a sound that you say at certain times because it is sort of expected.

I stopped using the word please for the most part except when it is emphasized as a point of sarcasm. I joked with people that saying please in this context anticipates that something will be done without it happening, whereas saying thank you in a warm tone may make it clear that it really is appreciated (and is most commonly said after something is done anyway). But under the joke was the serious notion that there is really no way to impart meaning into the word please without implying that you think someone might not do what you are asking. And how often will that truly happen?

Now of course thank you has its own watering down that happens, but not as much as please, in part because you can say it with some feeling (kind of like I'm sorry, now that I think about it). You can, in a sense, impart some pragmatic content to your words with your tone of voice -- something that may be implied in words that are read, depending on the circumstances being described.

So, according to dictionary.com, the linguistic meaning of the word particle is:

An uninflected item that has grammatical function but does not clearly belong to one of the major parts of speech, such as up in He looked up the word or to in English infinitives.
In some systems of grammatical analysis, any of various short function words, including articles, prepositions, and conjunctions.
I think it is easy enough to at least consider that most inflections of please might be considered particles now.

The most ironic part for me was how in Hebrew, the same word (בבקשה) is used for both please and thank you. I have not really tried too hard to figure out what that means, though there are other items in the Hebrew language that have similar simplifications (there are fewer prepositions, for example -- you can often tell if someone is still translating in their mind from Hebrew to English if they confuse in and on, for example). But with בבקשה (b'vakashah) I wonder if Hebrew has made it less of a particle than it seems to have become in English....

Answer 2

Chris. Depending upon the situation the speaker is in would have to be taken in to account before one could truly answer this question correctly. However I Will answer this as general as possible . In every day conversation, one would have so say Please and Thank You as a show of Respect and Courtesy one was brought up that way, but to often than not nowadays we often run into those who are not brought up to say Thank You when Someone opens a door, Or holds an elevator, or even picks up something we have dropped. Nor do we hear Please when a waitress ask us if we would like another glass of coffee or a refill on our drink . How sad is that ? Even at our own parents homes we don not use it enough do we? Let alone at a Friends home? Think about it

Answer 3

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God told us not to use his name in vain. Of course 'God' is not his name, it's more like a title. But for millennia, starting with early translations of the Old Testament itself, people have substituted different words for 'God'. 'Thank goodness' is a good example of this, but so are 'gosh' and 'golly'. Or 'Jiminy cricket!' Or 'Providence' or 'The Creator' as used 200 years ago by Deists. Orthodox Jews write 'G-d' so they won't use his 'name' even though you know immediately who they mean.

Answer 4

Only when one is not mindful of why they say thank you, or when please is used to get what you want, even though you've been denied for a good reason.
If everyone was mindful of the effect of words, and the energy carried inside them, we'd all be a bunch of enlightened MoFo's.
Please, and thank You. The effect of these words, it is beautiful when they are used mindfully, and correctly. There is a book, The Hidden Messages in Water, written by Masaru Emoto. If you visit the website Whatthebleepdoweknow.com, you will be able to view the beautiful molecular structure of ice crystals that were made from water that simply had "Thank You" written on the outside of the container...you will see if you go to the website. Thank you, meaningfully spoken, can never be used too much.
Thank you for reading my spiel.
Blessed be.

Answer 5

Never too much, and never too old.

The only time I'm bothered is when someone is way too bubbly enthusiastic about expressing gratitude. If someone really IS that greatful, I am fine for a few seconds. I can smile and say "you're welcome" for only so long before I get uncomfortable.

I deal with it by not speaking anymore. I continue to smile, but the other person quickly realizes that they are "speaking into a vacuum," and calm down. When I sense that, I change the subject. Hopefully, I have not discouraged that person from still using the "magic words."

Answer 6

Call me "old fashioned", but I don't think so. In fact, I don't think they are used enough. I also don't hear as many "Yesmam/Nomam"'s and "Yessir/Nosir"'s as I think I should. Common courtesy is a mark of maturity, good breeding, and civility. You can never be too courteous.

Maybe I'm on a rant, here, but your question enforces the feeling I've been having that maybe a lack of common courtesy and decency toward others is a lot of what is wrong with American society today.

I'm from the South, and we used to be a lot more mannerly than we are today. I think we've gotten a little lazy. (Maybe the influence of all the Yankees who came down to get jobs in the late 70's and early 80's. HA!HA! That was a joke, son, a joke.)

It doesn't take much effort to be courteous to people and it makes you feel better about yourself, smooths relationships, and makes others more receptive to you.

Answer 7

It's important to find a balance, and use common sense where it applies. Although it's very Utopian and optimistic, the truth of the matter is there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. But hey, c'est la vie!

Answer 8

No, I don't believe that these words can be used too much. In fact, these words are used too seldom. How many times has a relative did something for you and you forgot to say thank you or just don't because they are "family." How many times has someone held the door open for you after they've already walked out of the building and you just nod your head. Please, thank you and excuse me are words that show respect, appreciation, and manners. When you show manners, you are showing honor and respect for your parents' past teachings of when you were a child. Think of how many times you walked passed a person without saying, "excuse me" or taken, borrowing,asking for something without saying "please." Sure, you ask them...but would saying the word "please" hurt you. People have to think about consideration, sympathy, respect, honor, appreciation more and the people of this world may actually learn to get along better. Happiness is just like sadness in a way...if you give a bit then you get a bit and it will spread to others. Think about it the next time something like these examples happen. Best wishes and take care.

Answer 9

Yes, if they are used too much in the same sentence or situation they stop being polite, just the same as if someone where to try to interrupt a conversation by repeating 'Excuse me, scuse me, scuse me' over and over, it isn't polite even though they are saying Excuse me.
Please repeated too often implies that the asker has to beg to get what they want, even though that may not be the case. Its alsoan ironic way of putting another person down. You would be implying that they are powerful and need to be placated; out of context thats irritating and rude.
Thank you said too often is also inappropriate, especially for a small favour or gift. One heartfelt thank you is meaningful; anything endlessly repeated becomes meaningless.

Answer 10

it most certainly can! It can make a perfectly simple phrase take on an annoying, immature, or even awkward tone. especially when same words are repeated or used in sentences directly following one another.

it's on thing to be polite, but over use of anything is bad. and in todays' society the last thing you want is to sound like a doormat that is always asking rather than taking initiative. ya know?

It's important to find a balance, and use common sense where it applies. Although it's very Utopian and optimistic, the truth of the matter is there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. But hey, c'est la vie!

Answer 11

My husband is from India while I am from the United States and he insists that I say 'please', 'thank you', and 'I'm sorry' too much. Apparently, in his culture, the gratuitous words are implied among family members and close friends and what I would consider politeness, they might see as a gap in intimacy. The use of 'please' and 'thank you' etc. is formal etiquette, isn't it. But then again, that is how we were raised; to be formal with everyone so as not to create any social disturbances.

My answer is yes, I believe it can be a bit overdone. Nevertheless, it is difficult to undo all that conditioning. So, we had better just go with the flow and use the appropriate amount when needed!