advice? please!?

Question

i know i am destroying mine and my bf's relationship.
Iblow up over little things, things that don't even matter and i have tried and tried to stop, its to the point where when i say that things will be different, all i get from him is a sigh....
my family, my mother included, has a history or mental instability, i wonder if this could be related to that?
i love my bf and want to make things better not just for him but for MYSELF. i do not like being like this....
so i say i'll try harder and i do but then after a couple of weeks i slip back into it...
i really think he could be more supportive thought, and instead of just pointing out all the things i do wrong, encouraging me and recognizing when i do better..
i dont know...
Help?!

thank you all for your answers, i have made an appt with the doctor a couple of times but when it comes time, i feel fine and can't even remember why i was upset...its like i block it out most of the time and then its like '''boom'''.....

we dont have agressive, physical fights, its just shouting and me crying....

Answer 1

I can totally sympathize with you because I was the same way and now my bf and I are apart and trying to work things out, but I don't know if we can. I waited until it may be too late so you HAVE to really try hard not to act that way anymore if you want it to work out. He will definitely leave you and give up on you if you don't show signs of improvement. I know it's hard, but you just have to think of what is importnant in your life and if you really want him as a part of your life. You guys have to work together and make compromises in situations that may cause you to blow up. Hopefully that will prevent you from doing it. If he wants it to work out, then he will help you in any way he can. Let him know that you need his support. Good luck!

Answer 2

First of all, well done for wanting to make a chnge to the way things are with you

Have you considered going to a doctor or having any other form of help? Im asking because given the family history, it may be worth while doing this

But it might be that you are wrong: do you act this way with your friends or family? Or is it just him? And in order to not over-react about things, try anger management: i tried things like counting to 20 before i offer a piece of mind (this way, you avoid saying something hurtful) and check ut some previous anger management questions on this site..some people have offered great advice!

Answer 3

Sorry, there is no magic answer to this. What people have said so far is fairly spot on.

If you struggle explaining to a doctor - say that! Or you could write down all the stuff you want to say - copy and paste your question onto a Word document and print it out.

I also like the elastic band idea from robsnob32 - but I wouldn't recommend the second part of his answer as a way to solve your problems.

Yoga is another, great idea - anything that focusses on breathing is good.

And finally - ask yourself why aren't you happy? What do you really want in life, and what do you need to do to acheive it. Be honest with yourself, love yourself and be yourself.

Answer 4

WHile I don't personally know you, absolutely without a doubt your own parents will have some influence on your behaviors in life. I can't say that's the entire reason for you being the way you are, but it does play some role in it.

My advice... Make a list for yourself, about the various things about yourself that you don't particularly like. Since you can't change your boyfriend, and you can't change the two of you together, all you can work on is you and you alone. Using that list, pick just a couple things about yourself that you might like to improve, and be specific with the list. In time you'll find that you can accomplish some things on your list, which should hopefully result in more positive self esteem (not saying you have low self esteem now), and ultimately be happier with yourself. When we are happy with ourselves, our own happiness almost becomes contagious, and we're more fun people to be around - especially to those we care so deeply for.

Good luck to you and your boyfriend!

Answer 5

If you blow up, best bet is to go to an anger course/support group.
You need to figure out why you really do it. There's always an underlying reason.
I used to have real problems snapping at my friends and family growing up. Found out the reasoning behind it, and was able to avoid it. After awhile I learned a different way to vent my anger in a civilized way, so that when I don't have a choice but to be in a situation that is better off not to be in, can handle it and talk things through instead of yelling and hitting things.

Good luck!

Answer 6

You and him should go see a therapist about it, chances are there are medications that you can take to help you if it is a medical problem that you have. By having him go through this with you it will show that you guys can get through difficult times together which is great in any relationship. Just constantly remind yourself how much you love him and you will get better. What's meant to be always finds a way.

Answer 7

Ok I dont know how old you are but try this anyway, take a class called landmark forum, it helps you deal with your deep seeded issues, if you cant find this try a martial arts class to build your confidence and self esteem. You need to do something for yourself and loce yourself first before you can truly love anyone else.

Answer 8

My sister is the same way! She went to a shrink and they put her on meds shes better now.....it was also attributed to her having thyroid cancer which she didnt know about until she went to a doctor to have her mood swings checked out.

Answer 9

If this is Kathren hit me up...it's MaGoo. If not then know you're not alone by a long shot. My friend Kat tossed her boyfriends stuff (all of it) over board on the cruise they just got kicked off of...(for fighting).

Answer 10

If you believe you have a problem then go see a doctor or psychiatrist. Yes he could be encouraging though