How do I talk to my 14 yr. old daughter who is "in love" about sex?

Question

My 14 year old daughter is dating a wonderful 16 year old boy. They are both "very much in love" and think they are "sure to get married" one day. What can I say to my daughter about sex that will make sense to her?

Answer 1

Tell her your own story. My mom (I'm 18) never talked to me about sex so i had to figure it out on my own. Luckily I was very curious and looked it up online, I didn't go out and actually have sex. Tell her about emotions, since she seems to be a romantic. Make sure she knows that you support her new relationship but also make sure that she knows that she shouldn't do it if she isn't ready. I waited, and I couldn't have been happier that I did. MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS ABOUT SAFE SEX. I couldn't push that enough. Make sure she knows how a woman gets pregnant.

Answer 2

My daughter is 8. I would never just say, "here, go have fun" about sex. I've already started the discussion with her. At 14, she probably knows quite a bit about it. I'm sure she knows the body parts and how it's done, you can't watch evening television for more than an hour without seeing something sexual. I would focus on the emotional points. It is very pleasurable, and it can be fun. But just because it is pleasurable doesn't mean she should just let the experience carry her away. Something that another parent told me, every time you kiss a boy, you kiss all the girls he's kissed before you and if one of them was sick - you could get sick too. This applies to other body parts and acts as well. Certainly pinpoint the concern for diseases. Tell her about herpes, aids, etc. Tell her about pregnancy... Hopefully she is mature enough to consider what you tell her.

Answer 3

Discuss the consequences and statistics of teen pregnancy. Discuss prevention and ask her to prepare herself before anything happens. Tell her you'll be disappointed if she begins having sex, because her world will change drastically. Tell her the odds are the relationship will not last anyway because she is growing up and changing and she'll be a different woman later, with different values, and she'll look back wishing she hadn't been involved so young. She is going to miss out on too many things if she starts a serious relationship at such a young age.
She is too busy as it is. Puppy love is great, but she needs to leave space for herself to grow up.

Let her decide after that.

Answer 4

Be honest, talk to her like an adult (She pretty much is one).
Open up a dialouge and see if you can start by having her tell you what she already knows. Clear up any misconceptions and make sure she is aware of the dangers (std's, rape, unwanted pregnancy, etc.) & protection methods.
Don't come across as too negative...let her know that sex is also a wonderful & beautiful thing. It would probably be easier for both of you if this discussion wasn't in a "mother-daughter" context and spoke more like "girlfriends".

Answer 5

The best thing to do would be to get her on birth-control or teach her about condoms, b/c your not going to be able to keep her from being with this boy. Try to teach her about the fundamentals of waiting and getting married and how If you don't use protection you can get pregnant, get STD's, or even worse HIV or AIDS and die. I really hope everything works out with you and your daughter and don't listen to the Idiot that posted the first answer, b/c that's what happens when your parents don't care you turn out like him. Just remember you are doing the right thing and your daughter will one day appreciate that. :) Good Luck =^..^=

Answer 6

It's so sad that people make such light of this...

First of all, you have to look at your family's convictions about sex. Do you believe that sex belongs only in marriage? If so, explain to her the beauty of sex in the right context and the guilt and consequense of it when inappropriate. Ask her how she would feel if she got married, waited for sex until that point, and found out her husband didn't. I had to tell my husband this, and it was very painful (although we're very happily married).

Really, I could tell you all about how I feel about dating, sex and marriage, but that's not going to help your family. You just have to decide what's okay for your family and stand your ground. But also make sure to try and protect your daughter from the potential heartache of loosing herself and then loosing her boyfriend too. It's just not worth it - no matter what you believe.

Answer 7

no matter what you say she will do whatever she wants no matter how hard you try to distance her from her boyfriend or how many time you preach about it...the best thing to do is to just talk to her about the intensity of sex...and how much it can change a relationship....it may be awkward but you have to get over it..bring it up more casually...dont make it so serious...even though it is...and if she does decide to start having sex...you have to set aside all judgments and put her on birth control...its the best thing for her...that way she will learn the hard lessons of life for herself but at east she wont get pregnant and your relationship with your daughter will be improved cause she will probably feel more secure in confiding in you...i had to learn the hard way...i didn't get birth control because i was afraid i would gain weight..which by the way is rare and if you do its only an adjustment weight...and because i didn't know how to go about getting it...and then i had to deal with the issue of being 17 and being pregnant...its not a good feeling...so just talk to her but dont make her feel like she is stupid or ignorant or downplay how much"in love" she is or she may get defensive and not want to listen to anything you say...it might also me helpful to have someone else you is closer to her age but is knowledgeable about this kind of stuff talk to her....well i hope i helped...

Answer 8

The key thing here is dating at 16?? That's tooooo young. You have no way of predicting the future as far as them getting married and it's doubtful so and you should discourage her from sex and marriage but I'm thinking it's to late. You started her to young in dating. My parents didn't even let me talk on the phone with boys until I was 15 almost 16. She is too young

Answer 9

Tell her that if they are going to get married, then there will be plenty of time for sex. Tell her that a true gentleman that really does love her won't pressure her into sex. Someone that does love you is willing to wait if you're not ready. Sex is to not be taken lightly. Also teach her about her cycle and about birth control. Unfortunately, forbidding her to have sex doesn't work.

Answer 10

Speak to her as a friend who's been there and not as a worried mother who uses medical expressions. Tell her its act of love but true love is also very patient. She should wait for few years or even until she gets married (either for this guy or not). They say its worth of it.