Does anybody have any good french, redneck or mormon jokes??

Answer 1

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the
responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could
produce beautiful children beyond compare. With that as
his mission he began to search for the perfect woman.

Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three
stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his
breath away. So he explained his mission to the Redneck
and asked for permission to marry one of them.

The Redneck simply replied, "They're lookin' to get
married, so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and
pick the one you want."

The man dated the first daughter. The next day the
Redneck asked for the man's opinion.

"Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that
you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed."

The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of
the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went.

"Well,"the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not
that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed."

The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl
to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,
"She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to
marry."

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was
born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified:
the baby was
the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He
rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing
could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

"Well," explained the Redneck...
"She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly
tell... pregnant when you met her."

Answer 2

FRENCH

Q: Where can you find 60,100,000 French jokes?
A: In France.

A cannibal went into the butcher shop to buy some brains for dinner. She saw that American and British brains were $4.95 per lb and French brains were $450.00 per lb. She gasped and asked the butcher if the price of the French brains were a misprint.
"No ma'm," answered the butcher. "That is the correct price." "Well, why are the French brains so expensive?" exclaimed the cannibal. "Do you know how many French it takes to get a pound of brains?" replied the butcher.

REDNECK

Rednecks don't let friends drive home drunk, they get drunk and ride with them.

A ventriloquist was making fun of rednecks with his dummy at a bar. Then an angry redneck stood up, rolled up his sleeves ,and yelled, "I resent that!"
The ventriloquist started apologizing to the redreck.

The redneck looked at him and said, " You stay outta this, I''m talking to the guy on your lap!!!!

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex.
"It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.

"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.

"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."

"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"

"Baaaaa..."


MORMON

Once two Missionaries decided to go pheasant hunting. Since they were inexperienced they just asked the sporting goods dealer to fix them up with everything necessary for a successful day. On his recommendation they bought shotguns, shells, hunting clothing, licenses, a bird dog, etc. Early the next morning the went afield with great excitement to pursue the elusive pheasant; but immediately encountered difficulty getting their new bird dog to perform. Finally one of them became so frustrated he said,

"I don't know what that guy sold us, but it ain't no bird dog! I've had it with this mutt; I'm goanna shoot him!"

"Wait! Wait", implored the other, "we paid $500 bucks for that dog, give him just one more chance."

"All right", said the first reluctantly. "You throw him up once more, and if he don't fly I'm goanna waste him!"


A anxious soon to be Mormon father spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"


A Mormon Bishop got on an elevator on the 10th floor, (he was heading to the lobby) on the 8th floor a beautiful woman walked in. (they were alone) On the way to the lobby the gorgeous woman hit the stop button. She turned to the Bishop and said:

"Can you make me feel like a true woman?"

The Bishop said: "I sure can" and excitedly took off all his clothes, he then threw them in the corner of the elevator. He turned to the woman pointed to the clothes and said:

"Now fold them".

Answer 3

Redneck Woman
There was a woman that went into the welfare office to sign her and her kids up and behind her was 15 kids all in a line. The social worker asked "are all these your kids?" The woman replied (rolling her eyes as if hearing this question for the 100th time and said yes they're all mine. So the social worker went on and said, "Okay Oldest to youngest I need their names please." the Woman starts and says the oldest is Leroy. The social worker writes it down. Then she ask for the next one's name and the woman said Leroy. The Social Worker looked at her kind of funny the next name was LeighRoy, a girl. The social Worker stops and says "I'm seeing a pattern here are all your kids named Leroy. The woman replies Yup. The social worker asked why. The woman explains: Well when I want to wake them all up in the morning all I have to do is yell Leroy and they all get up and when one is running into the street all I have to do is yell stop Leroy and they all stop. the social worker looked a little puzzles and asked, "What if you just want to call one particular child?" The Woman said, "Thats when I call them by their last names." hehehe pretty funny huh?

Answer 4

A redneck farmer goes to a divorce lawyer because he wants to end his marriage. The lawyer asks him, "Do you have grounds?"

The redneck says, "Yeah, I 'ave grounds. Got me forty acres out south of town."

The lawyer shakes his head and says, "What I mean is, do you have a case?"

The redneck says, "Nah, I ain't like those thangs. I only ride John Deeres, not CASE."

The lawyer gets frustrated. He says, "I need some reasons why you're filing for divorce. For example, is your wife a ******?"

The redneck says, "No! But the baby she just had is, and that's why I want a divorce."

Answer 5

You might be a redneck if you think "Silence of the Lambs" is what happens when your cousin walks near the barn.
or
Your tv gets 512 channels but you go outside to use the bathroom.
or
if you have season tickets for the tractor pull.

Answer 6

Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?

A. The Army.

Question: How long does it takes a redneck to eat road kill?

Answer: It depends on how heavy the traffic is.

Question: What are the last words of a redneck?

Answer: "Hey y'all check this out!"

Yo mama's so fat, and you're so poor, when she comes in your house the tires pop.
Yo mama's so fat, at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts.
Yo mama's so fat, but I ****** her anyway.
Yo mama's so fat, Dr. Martens had to kill 3 cows just to make her a pair of shoes.
Yo mama's so fat, even God couldn't raise her spirits.
Yo mama's so fat, even her shadow has stretch marks.
Yo mama's so fat, even Richard Simmons laughs at her.
Yo mama's so fat, every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.

Answer 7

Bored To Death

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Redneck were doing construction work on the scaffolding of a tall building. They were eating lunch. The Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time, I'm going to jump off too." The redneck opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

Next day the Irishman opens his lunch box, sees corned beef and cabbage and jumps to his death. The Mexican opens his lunch, sees a burrito and jumps too. The redneck opens his lunch, sees the bologna and jumps to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife is weeping. She says, "I I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also weeps and says, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the redneck's wife. "Hey, don't look at me," she said. "He makes his own lunch."

Answer 8

redneck joke:
what has 300 legs and 2 teeth?- the frontrow of Willie Nelson concert

Answer 9

Why do you always invite at least two Mormons on a fishing trip?
Answer. If you invite only one, he'll drink all your beer.

Answer 10

i gotta redneck word for ya "afar" theres no sence in us being this cold lets build us afar.